The ink on their marriage certificate was barely dry before they headed north in search of their very own cattle property and the start of their bright new happy-ever-after.
When Ellie miscarried three weeks after they’d moved into Karinya, they’d been deeply disappointed but, in the long run, not too downhearted. After all, they were young and healthy and strong and in love.
But it was the start of a downhill run. A diagnosis of endometriosis had followed. Joe had never even heard of this condition, let alone understood how it could blight such a fit and healthy girl. Ellie was vivacious, bursting with energy and life and yet, over the next few years, she was slowly dragged down.
He remembered finding her slumped over the kitchen table, her face streaked with tears.
He’d touched her gently on the shoulder, stroked her hair. ‘Don’t let it get you down, Ellie. It’ll be OK. We’ll be OK.’
We still have each other, he’d wanted to say.
But she’d whirled on him, her face red with fury. ‘How can you say that? How can you possibly know we’ll be OK? I’m sorry, Joe, but that’s just a whitewash, and it makes me so mad!’
She’d lost all hope, had no faith in him or their future.
He’d felt helpless.
Now, with hindsight, he could see the full picture. He and Ellie had rushed at marriage like lemmings to a cliff, expecting to build a lasting relationship—for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health—having based these expectations on little more than blazing lust.
It was his fault.
Joe had always known that. Looking back, it was blindingly obvious that he hadn’t courted Ellie properly. They hadn’t taken anywhere near enough time to get to know each other as friends before they became life partners. They hadn’t even fully explored their hopes and dreams before they’d embarked on marriage.
They’d simply been lovers, possessed by passion, a heady kind of madness. And Ellie had found herself trapped by that first pregnancy.
Small wonder their marriage had hit the rocks as soon as the seas got rough and, instead of offering Ellie comfort, Joe had taken refuge, working long hard hours in Karinya’s paddocks—fencing, building dams, mustering and branding cattle. Later he’d joined the Army. Had that been a kind of refuge as well?
Whatever. It was too late for an extensive post-mortem. Tomorrow he’d be leaving again and Ellie would finally be free. He wished he felt better about that.
NEXT MORNING IT was raining harder than ever.
Out of habit, Ellie woke early and slipped out of bed, leaving Jacko curled asleep. She dressed quickly and went to the kitchen and, to her surprise Joe was already up, dressed and drinking a mug of tea.
He turned and greeted her with only the faintest trace of a smile. ‘Morning.’
‘Good morning.’ Ellie flicked the kettle to bring it back to the boil and looked out of the window at the wall of thick grey rain. ‘It’s been raining all night. You won’t want to waste time getting over the river.’
Joe nodded. ‘I’ll need to get going, but I’m worried about you and Jacko. You could be cut off.’
‘Yeah, well, that happens most wet seasons.’ She reached for a mug and a tea bag. ‘I’m used to it and we’re well stocked up.’
Joe was frowning, and Ellie wondered if frowning was his new default expression.
‘It’s hardly an ideal situation,’ he said. ‘A woman and a little child, isolated and alone out here. It’s crazy. What if Jacko gets sick or injured?’
‘Crikey, Joe. Since when has that worried you? We’ve been living here since he was born, you know.’
‘But you haven’t been cut off by flood waters.’
‘I have, actually.’
He glared at her, and an emotion halfway between anger and despair shimmered in his eyes.
Ellie tried for nonchalance as she poured boiling water into her mug.
Joe cleared his throat. ‘I think I should stay.’
Startled, Ellie almost scalded herself. ‘You mean stay here with us?’
‘Just till the river goes down again.’
‘Joe, we’re divorced.’
His blue eyes glittered. ‘I’m aware of that.’
‘And...and it’s almost Christmas.’ Last night they’d struggled through an unbearably strained meal together. They couldn’t possibly manage something as festive as Christmas.
Ellie was supposed to be spending Christmas Day with her neighbours and good friends, the Andersons, although, if the creek stayed high, as well as the river, that might not be an option.
Of course, her mother had originally wanted her to go home to New South Wales, but Ellie had declined on several grounds. Number one—she wasn’t comfortable around her stepfather, for reasons her mother had turned a deaf ear to. As well as that, up until yesterday, she’d been dealing, ironically, with drought. Her priority had been the state of her cattle—and then clearing things up with Joe.
The Joe factor was well and truly sorted, and sharing Christmas with him would be a disaster. Being divorced and forced to stay together would be a thousand times bigger strain than being married and apart.
‘There’s absolutely no need for you to stay, Joe. I really don’t think it’s a good idea.’
‘It was just a suggestion,’ he said tightly. ‘I was only thinking of your safety.’
‘Thanks. That’s thoughtful.’ Feeling awkward, Ellie fiddled with the handle of her tea mug. ‘You know drought and floods are part and parcel of living in this country.’
With a brief shrug, Joe drained his mug and placed it in the sink. ‘I should head off then, before the river gets any higher.’
‘But you haven’t had breakfast.’
‘As you pointed out, it wouldn’t be wise to wait. It’s been raining all night and the river’s rising every minute. I’ve packed the solicitor’s papers. I’ll drop them in at Bligh’s office.’
‘Right.’ Ellie set her tea mug aside, no longer able to drink it.
Joe’s duffel bag was already packed and zipped, and the swag he’d used for sleeping on the study floor was neatly rolled and strapped. Seemed the Army had turned him into a neat freak.
‘I’ve also fixed Jacko’s cot,’ he said.
‘You must have got up early.’
Without answering, he reached for his duffel bag and swung it over one shoulder. ‘I wasn’t sure where to put the Christmas presents, so I stowed them under the desk in the study. Hope that’s OK?’
‘That...that’s fine, thanks, Joe.’ Ellie wished she didn’t feel quite so downbeat. ‘I hope you haven’t spoiled Jacko with too many presents.’
She winced as she said this. She didn’t really mind how many presents Joe had bought. This was one of his few chances to play the role of a father. She’d been trying for a light-hearted comment and had totally missed the mark.
Now, Joe’s cold, hollow laugh chilled her to the bone.
His face seemed to be carved from stone