Then she had to go and ask, ‘Did you always want kids?’ and it was as good as a cold shower.
‘Never.’ The all too illuminating answer shot from his mouth like some kind of penance for his earlier cowardice. But it was out there now. So he went the only way he knew—forward.
‘My lifestyle was not conducive to kids. Or a family of any sort. I was on a plane twice a week. I’ve lived in hotel suites my whole adult life. The only real-estate I’ve ever owned was commercial. Any relationships I’ve had had to fit into that way of life, period.’
‘And when you first found out about Ruby?’
‘When my lawyer rang with the news I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. But when I hung up the phone it felt as though I’d been waiting for that call all my life.’
‘Simple as that, she changed your mind?’ she asked, her voice gentle.
‘In a heartbeat. It’s the strangest thing, but now I can barely remember my life without her.’
The fire crackled as a log split and those above spilt into the gap. Zach came to from far, far away, a whole other lifetime. He glanced across at Meg. Her face tilted to watch the sparks that fluttered up into the darkness. Without the play of expressions that continuously gave her away, he had no idea what she was thinking.
‘How about you?’ he asked on a whim.
She licked her lips and her brow furrowed for a moment before she turned to him with a breezy smile. ‘Kids? Gosh, no. Wherever would I find the time?’
‘You’re just saying that to make me feel better for admitting I felt that way.’
‘Not at all. I promise.’ Again he thought he caught a hint of a frown, but it was too dark to really tell. Whatever it was it was soon swallowed by the kind of overbright smile he knew better than to trust. ‘Don’t get me wrong—my nieces are two of my favourite people in the entire word. I love them to distraction. But it’s not on the cards for me.’
‘Why?’
He could tell she was really looking at him, and he wished there were some way of turning on a light. Of looking into those bright eyes and knowing what she was thinking before she said it. Being a step behind felt … disquieting somehow.
She eventually said, ‘Even apart from the whole cameras-outside-your-front-door thing, the life of a Kelly kid is not an easy one. The pressure to be the best, the brightest, every day a winner is immense. And that’s not changing any day soon.’
‘Your nieces are going through this now?’
Again she paused. Come on, he thought, I could do it, so can you. ‘I find myself quietly sabotaging the process wherever I possibly can. I sneak them junk food when their dad’s not watching. I teach them swear words in French, which my father doesn’t speak. If I babysit I let them wear pyjamas all day. I let them be kids.’
‘Talk about maternal instincts,’ he said with two raised eyebrows.
She stared at him as if he had grown horns. As if he was missing the point entirely. Then her hand moved to rest on her belly. She scrunched her hand into a fist before looking away and reaching out to grab her toes.
‘Instincts or no, unlike you I’m hardly going to have one appear out of the woodwork so that’s the end of that.’ She shook it off. Literally, her whole body gave one great shiver, before she said, ‘Okay. Moving on. Here’s something you can take to the bank. You ready?’
‘Always.’
‘Meg’s crash course on Raising a Girl 101. Ruby will make friends you don’t like, she’ll see movies that’ll make your eyes pop out of your head, listen to music that makes your ears ache, she’ll diet when she doesn’t need to, and eat ice cream for breakfast, and she’ll meet boys you wish had never been born. Roll with the punches for your own sake. And for hers, let her know no matter what happens she always has a safe place to go home to.’
He nodded, though his head was reeling with points one and two, much less the rest. ‘That’s why I took on the house here. To give her somewhere near her familiar haunts to come home to.’
‘Nu-uh, Mr Jones. By home, I mean you. This is the clincher, the one thing you should get tattooed to your arm. No matter what happens, no matter what she does, always, always, make sure she knows you love her. That’s what will keep her coming home.’
Zach realised he was holding his breath. But he didn’t let it go until his lungs began to burn from inaction.
Love. Love. Love? The more times he said the word, the less sense it made.
What did he know about love? He’d fed Ruby, clothed her, given her shelter, filled her room with trinkets, let her have her little rebellions as some kind of compensation for not having a mother. But love?
If his own childhood had taught him anything it was that love was a sham. A fickle fairy tale. If loving someone as much as he’d loved some of his foster parents didn’t ensure they loved him back, what was the point?
He breathed deep and buried his face in his palms. What a hypocrite. He’d been busy convincing himself he was all about the fatherly care, when all the while he was actually dolling out the same kind of veiled neglect of his childhood without even realising it.
That poor, poor kid. Baking him pancakes, picking him wildflowers. At least she was trying to show him she loved him. While he hadn’t given her a single clue that he loved her too.
He loved her. Of course he damned well loved her. He’d have been some kind of fool to have changed his life so completely had he not.
He blinked into the fire. Stunned. Apparently never being shown how did not make him as incapable as he’d always believed.
He glanced at Meg. Their gazes tangled a moment longer than could ever be considered merely friendly.
Meg raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Terrified,’ he said before he could censor himself.
She laughed softly. Sadly even. ‘Then you know you’re not perfect. You know you have limitations. That’s a good thing. Believe me. What happened to Ruby’s mum?’
The last part came so out of the blue it shocked Zach right out of his funk. ‘Cancer. It was quick. Ruby didn’t even know till it was all over.’
‘No! Oh, the poor pet. And Isabel had really never told you about Ruby?’
He shook his head. ‘Our relationship had been casual. It ended as easily as it had begun. Still she was very clear in her will that she wanted me to have custody. For that one fact I have to forgive her the rest.’
‘Was it really that easy? I know I’m speaking out of turn, but even I don’t feel like I’m ready to forgive her and I didn’t even know the woman.’
She hadn’t even had to tell him so. He’d seen the fight in her eyes. Like a lioness protecting her cub. When had this fireside flirtation suddenly become so intense?
He said, ‘Over something that important, it was either forgive or let it burn for ever. The choice was simple.’
One dark curl draped over her pale shoulder as she wrapped her arms tight about her knees again. And there they sat, in loaded silence for a good couple of minutes before she finally said: ‘My father’s sick. You’ve probably heard.’
He didn’t nod. He didn’t need to. A person would have to be a hermit, a far more dedicated one than he was, not to know Quinn Kelly had heart problems. ‘How’s he doing?’
She