But she was all alone now, here in Chicago, Maura wanted to say. But she didn’t want Doug to think she felt sorry for herself. She really didn’t.
“I’m confused, I guess. What do you think I should do?” she asked, her eyes wide and questioning.
He stared at her a long time, making Maura feel suddenly very aware of being alone with him. She thought he was about to say something, then saw the firm set of his mouth as he mentally backtracked.
“I think there’s a lot to sort out. But it sounds like you’ve made the most important decision of all. To keep the baby,” he said. He sat down on the couch again next to her, their bodies close but not touching. “I’m not sure you can figure out much more tonight.”
He was right. She was exhausted and it was hard to think clearly.
“I guess you’re right. I can’t figure out my entire future in five minutes.” She sighed and glanced over at him. “But thanks again for listening. It’s really helped me,” she said sincerely.
“I want to help you any way I can, Maura. I mean it,” he promised her.
The emotion in his voice surprised her, and before she could answer, he shifted over on the couch, closing the small space between them. He put his arm around her shoulder and held her close.
His nearness was a soothing balm to her soul. They didn’t talk for a few moments, and Maura allowed herself to simply relax and soak up the strength and comfort he offered.
After a time she said, “What really made you come here tonight?”
“Just what I said when I came in, I was worried about you and thought you could use some company.”
She honestly hadn’t realized that Doug thought about her as much as he apparently did. Maybe he didn’t think of her in a romantic way, but their relationship did seem to matter to him, she reflected.
Then he shifted and glanced down at her and she knew intuitively there was something more. Something he was reluctant to say.
“Look, I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like this is partly my fault. This problem of yours, I mean.” She felt his broad chest expand as he took a deep breath. “I’ve known Scott a very long time. I know how he treats women. I wasn’t surprised at all when I heard about the way he broke up with you,” he admitted. “Months ago, when I first met you and learned you were seeing him, I thought about saying something to you. To warn you in some way about him. But I didn’t want to interfere. I could see you really cared for him and he seemed to care for you. You seemed happy together,” he added, sounding almost angry to admit it, Maura noticed. Though she couldn’t understand why.
“Was I happy? Yes, at first I guess I was,” she agreed. “Until I really got to know him.”
“I’d hoped that maybe you would figure him out sooner than most, and get through it without any serious damage. But it didn’t turn out that way, I guess,” Doug said. “Does it bother you to hear these things about him?” he added.
Maura shook her head. “No, not at all. In a strange way it makes me feel better. When Scott broke up with me, I felt it was all my fault. As if there was some reason I couldn’t make him love me and want to stay with me. Now I can see that it wasn’t me at all.”
“No, not you at all, Maura. Scott would have been lucky beyond deserving if he’d made a commitment to you,” Doug assured her. “Still, I feel responsible for how things ended up. If I had told you about Scott, about his past, maybe this would never have happened.”
Maura was stunned by his line of reasoning. She pulled back and stared up at him. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’d never make that connection in a million years.”
“I know you don’t see it that way. But I do,” he argued. “I knew you were too good for him. I knew how he’d end things with you. Just like all the others. I should have warned you.”
“Even if you had, I wouldn’t have believed you or taken your advice to heart,” Maura replied honestly. “I really thought we were in love and that Scott wanted to marry me someday.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t have listened to me. Not at first. But it might have helped you see his true colors sooner,” he added somberly.
Maura met his gaze. Perhaps that was true. But what good did it do to wonder about that now? She had to deal with the present and figure out some plan for the future.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s not argue about it,” she urged him. “The point is, I’m the only one responsible for dating Scott…and for everything that happened after.”
She rose abruptly, then instantly felt her head spin. Doug was beside her in a split second, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.
“Maura, are you dizzy?”
“Just a little. I haven’t eaten much today,” she realized. “That must be it.”
He piled up some couch pillows so she could lie back comfortably. “Here, rest a minute. I’ll fix you something.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she said. “I can manage.”
“I said rest,” he ordered in a stern tone. “I’m the doctor, remember?”
When she looked up at him in surprise, he flashed a sexy, stubborn grin.
“Okay, okay. You win.” She sat back with a sigh and a small smile. “I didn’t know you could cook, Dr. Connelly,” she added curiously.
“Me? I’m great in the kitchen—if you like scrambled eggs and toast.”
Maura laughed for the first time in days.
“Eggs on the dry side, please. Just a little jelly on the toast,” she replied as her head sunk back into the pillows.
“You got it.” He leaned over and covered her with a throw, then strolled off to the kitchen.
Maura felt her eyes close, her scattered thoughts lulled by the sounds and tempting smells of Doug’s cooking and the powerful, calming force of his presence. For the first time in days she felt some tranquillity and some hope about the future.
Her hands floated protectively to her stomach and she thought about her baby. During all her shock and worry, the single most important element in all this had been obscured, she realized. She was honestly thrilled to be expecting a child, no matter what the circumstances.
When Doug had asked about her intentions, she hadn’t revealed half of her true feelings about the baby. The truth was she wanted this child more than anything. Becoming pregnant made her see that she was very much alone in the world. Maybe she had always wanted a child, to love and be loved by the one person in her life who would always belong to her. She had a good relationship with her sister, but Ellen lived in Portland and had a family of her own. Maura had no one truly close.
Since her parents’ tragic accident and the trauma of watching her family fall to pieces, Maura had been on a private journey, longing to return to that special place of warmth, love and security she had known as a child. She had imagined creating that kind of stable, loving home life as part of a traditional marriage. But it hadn’t happened that way. Now she had to play the cards she’d been dealt. Despite her worries and fears, in her heart she was grateful for the new life growing inside of her.
She loved her baby already and knew that she would do her utmost to give her child a good life, to give him or her all the love, security and happiness that a child deserves.
Even if she had to do it all on her own. It would work out somehow, she told herself. It would.
Eggs, milk and butter. A bowl, a frying pan and toaster.