“But not now, right? You have Beni,” Derek said.
She shrugged. “I’m still faking it sometimes. I mean, he has given me purpose, but being a mom is tough. Every day as I reflect on what has gone on, I wonder if I’ve screwed him up...that’s why I want to think this engagement over. I don’t want to say yes and then realize that this decision is the one that ruined him.”
Derek nodded. He was pretty confident in his personal life and in the operating theater but there were times when something went wrong and he had to keep going over the surgery to see what had happened. Had he missed something? Had the error been his? How could he keep it from happening again? He’d never thought that Bianca would be like that.
She seemed confident and able to conquer anything. Seeing that she wasn’t perfect made him want her even more. It made her real. Not the image of the girl he’d had a crush on, but the real woman.
* * *
This night had taken a turn and she wasn’t sure she was that upset by it. She had been saying that she wanted something different to happen. That she was tired of the Wednesday night blind dates set up by her mom that coincided with her dad taking Beni and her brothers out to dinner at the Western Two Step. Her father had missed out on bonding with Beni after his birth as they had been living in Spain. So her father was determined to make up for lost time. And the Wednesday nights with the boys were a long-established tradition in their family. It was a sports bar of sorts that had a huge gaming area in the back; they served what her father called “man food.” Pretty much just burgers, steaks and fried everything. It was a tradition in their family for as long as Bianca could remember.
When she’d been in her teens every Wednesday she and her mom would have a spa night and go and get pedicures and manicures or facials or massages. And have a “girl’s night out.” Somehow her mom’s desire to see her with a new man had taken over girl’s night. Bianca knew that saying she was engaged to Derek would probably make her mom happier than just about anything else right now. The top of her bucket list was seeing her daughter happy again.
She’d said that to her.
And now she was standing next to the lake with the cicadas singing their song in the background and Derek was watching her with that too intent look of his. It was something she associated mostly with him when he was in surgeon mode. But tonight, he was concentrating on her.
She knew how important being named chief of the cardiology department was to him. He’d laid out his life plans when they were fifteen; at the time, he’d been getting ready to leave for college and she’d just gotten her first modeling job in Paris. They had been sort of thrown together as the two outsiders. The two who were leaving. And here they were again.
There was a bubble of excitement in her stomach, something that she hadn’t felt since Beni had started walking and talking. She shook her head and cursed under her breath.
“What? Are you okay?” Derek asked.
She nodded wryly at him. “I just hate it when my mom is right. I mean, it would be nice if she started screwing up sometime. But every time I rail against her interfering in my life, something happens to show me she’s onto something again.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
She realized she couldn’t tell him how she felt. He wanted a friend. Not a woman who was feeling all tingly and very aware of the shape of his mouth. He had a great-looking mouth. Why was she noticing it now? And now that she’d noticed it why couldn’t she stop wondering how it would feel pressed against hers?
“Nothing... I think I can make it safely home from here if you want to get back to your brothers,” she said. The sooner she got away from the temptation that Derek offered the better she’d be. Maybe it was just her reaction to being with a guy who—what? The nice man her mom had set her up with had been good-looking, too. So why was she attracted to Derek and not to him?
And shouldn’t that be a mark in the con column for going through with the pretend engagement?
But she knew she wasn’t going to say no. Not now. Not since she’d noticed his mouth and couldn’t get out of her mind if he was a good kisser or not.
It was shallow, but for once the weight that had been on her since Jose’s death seemed to be long gone. She didn’t feel like the hot mess she’d been. She felt almost...well, almost like her old self and there was nothing that would make her walk away from this.
She’d forgotten how fun it was to not know what was coming next. How much she enjoyed the first flush of attraction. And this was safe. Right? Derek wanted a fake fiancée. She could do that. Be close to him, have her little infatuation but protect her heart. She wasn’t going to fall for Derek Caruthers. The man was married to his job.
Everyone knew that.
There was no sense in pretending that he’d ever be interested in any woman for longer than a few months. It was precisely why he’d suggested a temporary pretend engagement.
“You have the funniest look on your face,” he said. “I’m not going to abandon you before I see you home. My dad would whup me if word got back to him.”
She smiled because she knew he meant for her to. “You can see me to the sidewalk outside the house. If you come to the door my mom is going to grill us both and we haven’t made a decision yet. You promised me time to think.”
As if thinking was going to do her any good now that lust had entered the picture. She closed her eyes, desperately tried to remember what fifteen-year-old Derek had looked like. Tall, gangly, still wearing braces and with a little bit of acne, but it didn’t matter because as soon as she opened her eyes she found herself staring at his mouth.
Adult Derek’s mouth was lush; his lips just looked kissable. She’d kissed her fair share of men and some of the kisses had been disappointing but his mouth...he looked like he wouldn’t disappoint.
“Bianca, I’m trying not to notice but you are staring at my mouth,” he said.
“Mmm-hmm,” she said.
“It’s making me stare at your mouth and that is putting some decidedly different thoughts into my head.”
“Like what?” she asked, throwing caution to the winds. Maybe he’d suck at kissing and she’d be able to walk away from him.
Or maybe not.
* * *
Derek knew he was treading very close to the edge of someplace that there would be no turning back from. He might be able to make the whole platonic-friends-helping-each-other thing work if he was able to keep his mind off the curve of her hips and the way she nibbled her lower lip when she was mulling over something. But when she looked at his mouth, chewed her lower lip...it didn’t take a mind reader to figure out what she was contemplating.
And for the first time since his ill-fated affair with Marnie he was on the cusp of doing something that might derail his career goals. Because he was afraid one kiss wouldn’t be enough. He wasn’t ready to settle down until he’d been established as head of cardiology. He wanted to keep his focus on medicine. He needed someone like Bianca because she was respectable, well-liked and not the kind of woman Marnie would ever believe he’d coerced into being his fiancée. A smart man would remember that instead of reaching out and touching a strand of Bianca’s hair as it blew in the summer breeze—and possibly blow his chance of her going along with the fake engagement.
A smart man would be taking two steps away from her instead of one half step closer and letting his hand brush the side of her cheek. Her skin was soft, but really that wasn’t a surprise. She looked like she’d have prefect skin. The scent of her perfume once again drifted on the breeze and he couldn’t help himself when she tipped her head to the side and her eyes slowly drifted closed.
She wanted