He stopped, and Carolyn pinned her gaze on him, not wanting to hear the rest and yet knowing she had to. She gave Ben time to assemble his thoughts.
“And that,” Ben said softly, “is how we came to have Lucy tested for leukemia. I don’t have to tell you that my whole world came undone.”
Carolyn sat very still.
“Perversely, I don’t like Dr. Collins, when I know very well he is the only person who gave us a fighting chance with Lucy’s life.”
She put a hand on his briefly. “Ben, no one is going to blame you for wanting to shoot the messenger. You’ve lost your mom and your daughter is ill. You can have all the skewed emotions you want. I’m sure Dr. Collins would understand.”
“Lucy has tremendous regard for him. When she had her first round of chemotherapy, Dr. Collins came to visit her in the hospital.”
“I see.”
“With a giant teddy bear.”
She made a note on her pad. “I should talk to Dr. Collins and see if he has anything he can share about your mother that isn’t restricted to doctor-patient confidentiality.”
Ben remained silent.
“Ben?”
His gaze traveled over her, ever so slowly, and a strange sensation swept through her as he assessed her businesslike suit, her chin-length auburn hair, even her fingernails, which were short and coated with clear polish. Suddenly, she longed for sexy red polish and long, elegant nails.
“You haven’t changed at all, Carolyn,” Ben told her.
She didn’t know if that was a compliment or just a general observation.
“Only you would understand that I was mad at that doctor for being the one to figure out Lucy was ill and for not being able to cure Mom. I wanted the impossible from him, and no matter how irrational that is, you just sit there and nod your head. Like you understand everything I’m feeling, even if I can’t understand it very well myself.” He paused for a moment before saying, “It feels great to talk to you again, Carolyn.”
Searching around for something to say amid the morass of emotions that engulfed her, Carolyn found herself spared by the opening of the agency door. Marissa strode in, and Lucy sprang into her daddy’s lap.
Marissa looked at Carolyn, a question mark in her eyes.
Carolyn stared at the beautiful woman who seemed on the surface to have everything, and then at the man holding the little girl who meant the world to him. “This is as good a place to start as any,” she said to Ben. “Let me call a few people, and then we’ll talk again.”
They watched her, and Carolyn had the distinct feeling she was the point on a triangle the other two sides needed to retain their shape. She stood, arming herself with professional courtesy.
“I know you have to get to the airport, Marissa, so I won’t keep you further. Lucy, I’ll be seeing you soon.”
She smiled at the family as they walked in front of her to the door.
Ben turned back to stare at her, and she met his gaze as evenly as she could.
Then he left. She closed the door behind them, walked through the main reception area and into her own office.
She sat in the silence for a few moments, quietly thinking about Ben and everything he’d been through. Examining the feelings she’d once had for him.
Strangely enough, it had not been difficult to see him with Marissa. Not the way she’d always imagined it would be.
Breath stole back into her body. She was okay—her emotions surprisingly unscathed.
If Lily and Dylan wanted her to begin the initial casework, she could handle it. Eileen’s faith in her gave her the backbone and desire to make certain everything in her power was done to find a miracle for Lucy.
The first thing she was going to do was put in a call to the hospital to find out how she herself could be tested as a donor match for Lucy. She knew the initial step was a simple blood test, but maybe, just maybe, she could justify Eileen’s faith in her. Even if the missing brother turned out to be nothing but the wistful hallucination of a dying woman, Carolyn herself might be able to provide the miracle Lucy needed.
Ben would never have to know.
* * *
DR. COLLINS smiled at her when he met her in his office, and Carolyn recognized immediately that they shared a common interest.
“Thank you for seeing me, Doctor.”
“My pleasure. I, too, fell under Lucy Mulholland’s spell.” He smiled at Carolyn. “She is a very sweet little girl. And she’s going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. Not of her own doing, of course. She’s like her grandmother and father. A gentle species.”
Carolyn blinked. “I couldn’t agree more.”
The doctor nodded, his blue eyes dark and serious now. “Eileen was a favorite patient of mine. We’re not supposed to have favorites, I guess. All patients should be regarded equally. But Eileen had sparkle. She was a real trooper.”
Carolyn cleared her throat, sensing the doctor’s sadness. This was not the time to pry about Eileen, so she stuck with her basic question. “You were going to tell me about the blood testing process.”
“The first stage is simple. You’ll get a blood test, which we can do here at the hospital, and the results will be analyzed.” He smiled, his eyes bright with humor. “I will admit to having been caught in Lucy’s spell myself, and rendered up my own arm for a test.”
Carolyn stared at him.
“Unfortunately, I’m not a match for her. Perhaps you’ll have better luck.”
“She’s had the leukemia for a while, hasn’t she?”
“I think she must have had it for a year before she was tested,” the doctor said quietly. “Her leukemia is fairly advanced, which is creating greater havoc in finding a donor, as more selective matches must be created.”
Carolyn felt Dr. Collins’s intense gaze. Instinctively she knew that he missed nothing. If she had any outward symptoms of ill health, he would have seen them by now. She got up, told herself she was being irrational, but did her best to suck in her scarred abdomen anyway. “Thank you for your assistance, Dr. Collins. I appreciate your taking the time to see me.”
“We’ll keep our fingers crossed that you get better news than I did.” He walked her to the office door. “Tell Mr. Mulholland hello if you see him.”
“I will. Thank you.” She forced a smile and hurried from the office. Once in her car, she dropped her purse into the front seat and let down the windows. September heat was stifling in Texas, but her breathlessness came from a different source. She turned on the car and hit the air conditioner button.
Hot air blasted her. She put her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes.
Control. Ben felt out of control—that’s why he resented Dr. Collins. Ben wasn’t confident these days of his own ability to protect his family.
Carolyn took a deep breath and glanced