Then he’d walked into Kamal’s stateroom, and one look at her had dashed any hopes he’d ever entertained of finally purging her from his system. Everything he’d remembered about her had been diluted. Or maturity had only intensified her effect on him. He hadn’t meant to drown in her. But the years of separation, instead of dampening his responses, had only made it impossible for him to ration them.
His gaze swept her ripe curves. His every inch ached, remembering how they’d fit against his angles, how her supple softness had filled his hands, cushioned his hardness, accommodated his demand. His fingers buzzed as they relived skimming her warm, velvet skin, overflowing with her resilient flesh, winding in her silky, raven tresses. His lips and tongue stung with the phantom sensations of feeling hers again, hot and moist and fragrant, surrendering to his invasion, demanding his dominance.
He’d almost taken her, in a near-literal reenactment of their last time together, before saying one word to her. And how she’d responded. He’d felt her every inch vibrate to his frequency, every nerve resonate with his urgency. Even now, after she’d collected herself and retreated behind a barricade of cold contempt, he could still feel it seething. Her mind was another matter, though. If outrage could flay, he’d be minus skin now. He certainly felt as raw as if he was.
So was her rage a reaction to his incursion, or did the developing situation only pile on top of the “everything” she claimed to know?
He could ask, since she seemed to be forthcoming all of a sudden. But he wasn’t here to dredge up the past. And if he could still just touch her and they’d both go up in flames, that was all he needed to know.
All he needed, period.
But she was waiting for him to make some kind of response to her revelation. He’d give her one, all right. Just not what she might expect.
He walked back to where she’d retreated. “So you know everything?” At her curt nod, he shoved his hands into his pockets so they wouldn’t reach for her again. “Let’s test this claim, shall we?”
That twist surprised her. Zain. Good. He shouldn’t be the only one not knowing if he was coming or going here.
He cocked his head at her. “Do you know that I committed a cardinal sin during that hostage crisis?”
The tangent seemed to confuse her.
When she answered, the modulated voice that had sung its siren song in his ear for years was lower, huskier. “If you mean killing, I know all too well. Those moments, when you stormed the conference hall with your black-ops team and took out our captors, is forever branded in my memory. I watched you...terminate six of our captors single-handedly, with a precision I only thought happened in movies.” Those slanting, dense eyebrows he’d loved to trace and lips drew together. “But I didn’t think you considered killing a sin. Not in your line of work.”
“Killing is my line of work. At least, it’s part of the job description. Though ‘killing’ isn’t what I call it. I prefer ‘eliminating lethal threats to innocents.’”
Her eyes turned a somber cognac as she nodded. She didn’t contest that he spoke the simple truth, that people like him were a necessity to control the monsters who roamed the earth. She’d obviously seen enough in her line of work to know that his extreme measures were indispensable at times. Just as they had been that day when she’d been taken hostage with five hundred others at that conference in Bidalya.
But she could have contradicted him to score a point. That she didn’t, that she remained objective even to the detriment of her own attack, thrilled him.
He sighed. “But the sin I committed had nothing to do with the violence I perpetrated. I committed the cardinal sin of my line of work.”
“How so?”
“I deviated from the plan, improvised. I could have gotten so many killed.”
Again, counter to his expectations, her eyes grew impassioned as she contradicted him, in his defense. “But you saved hundreds, all of us who remained. And you didn’t seem to be improvising. You acted with such certainty, such efficiency, it was as if everything had been rehearsed. To the point that it felt as if the captors themselves were playing an exact role in the sequence you designed.”
“If it seemed like that to you, it was because of my men’s outstanding skills, and because I managed to compensate on the fly. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t make a huge mistake.” Her eyes were puzzled but engrossed. He could tell that she couldn’t wait to see where he was taking this. “Do you remember what I did when we stormed in?”
She nodded stiffly, as if it still pained her to think of that harrowing time. And who could blame her? She’d watched three people get killed in cold blood as proof of their captors’ resoluteness. She’d once told him that knowing the true meaning of helplessness, failing to protect those people, had damaged her more than her fear of meeting the same fate.
“What do you remember?”
Her exquisite features contorted with the reluctance to conjure up the memories. Still, she answered, “It was so explosive, but I remember it frame for frame. You burst in while one of them was threatening Najeeb that he’d start blowing parts off him. Then I met your eyes across the distance and...and...”
“Go on.”
She swallowed. “You streaked toward me, blowing away those men left and right, and then you were in front of me—shielding me—as you and your team finished off the rest.”
“And that was my sin. Najeeb was my mission. And I took one look at you across that hall and made the instantaneous decision to save you first.”
Her eyes widened; her lips opened on a soundless exclamation. She’d evidently never thought to question what he’d done.
When she finally talked, her whisper was impeded. “But you blasted away the one who was threatening him as you ran to me. You gave no one a chance to use him as shield or to harm him.”
“I should have run to him, should have shielded him. As my crown prince, he should have been my only priority. Instead, I made that you.”
“But you managed to save him and everyone else.”
“Only because I managed to compensate, as I said. Najeeb could have gotten shot before I ended the threat to him. And knowing full well the widespread damage his injury or death would have caused, retaliations that would have reaped far more than five hundred lives, I still risked that.”
Time seemed to stretch as bewilderment glimmered in her gemlike eyes.
She let out a shaky breath. “So what are you saying? That you took one look at me and were so bowled over you decided to risk everyone’s lives—including your own—for me?”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying. I was...bowled over a bit before that.”
He watched her mouth drop open. This was news to her. He’d never intimated that he’d seen her before that day. But he’d seen her over two years earlier, had searched her out many times afterward.
“But it was the first time I’d seen you!”
“I saw no upside in letting you see me, or in acting on my interest. You were, as you pointed out so many times when we were together, an Aal Masood...and I was an Aal Ghaanem. The Montagues and Capulets didn’t have a thing on our moronically feuding houses. I also didn’t think it would be wise or fair to ever involve a woman in my crazy existence.” He exhaled. “Then I saw you in danger and every rational thought flew out the window.”
Her eyes filled with so much; he struggled not to drag her to him and kiss them closed.
Then they emptied of everything, leaving only hardness. “Why are you telling me this now?”
He