“That’s all right. Carlsbad’s close to my grandparents’ beach house at San Clemente. Before we leave for Australia we’ll have a lot of nights together after your brother-in-law has gone to sleep.”
His words conjured an image of Zak lying on top of the bed this morning. Just remembering how he’d looked, how he’d made her feel, sent a flood of heat through her system.
Desperate for Mike to create that same kind of yearning inside her, she leaned toward him and pressed her mouth to his. It was the first time she’d taken the initiative in their relationship.
On a moan, he pulled her close and kissed her hungrily.
She should have expected this explosion of need on his part. They’d spent the last two months together while she’d helped him with his therapy. He was a normal male with normal desires.
She tried to get into it, but it seemed like the more she tried, the more it became the clinical experiment that it was. Before he started enjoying this too much, she pulled away guiltily.
“Good night, Mike. No—stay where you are.”
He reached for her hand and kissed the palm. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He looked too happy.
With a quick nod, she opened the door of his sports car and got out. It only took a second to reach the lighted front porch of the house. She waved to him before letting herself inside.
Long after the purr of the motor had faded, Michelle was still standing in the middle of the living room, immobilized.
She should never have kissed Mike like that.
He’d been very patient with her so far. She knew he was hoping they’d become intimate in Australia. After reaching out to him just now, he was counting on it. But the whole situation had backfired on her because she couldn’t imagine kissing him again.
In truth, she couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her. The chemistry wasn’t there. It never would be. She knew that now.
Mike was a wonderful man. If he didn’t reconcile with his ex-wife, then he deserved to find a woman he could set on fire by her just thinking about him. Michelle wasn’t that person.
After her disturbing response to Zak who’d done absolutely nothing to make her come alive, she realized she couldn’t go on giving Mike hope. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
When he called her tomorrow, she would tell him Zak’s injury was more serious than she’d realized. Her brother-in-law was going to need her help for an indefinite period, so she wouldn’t be able to fly to Sydney with him after all.
The sooner Mike learned the truth, the sooner he could deal with his disappointment and move on. With a golf tournament coming up in a month, he needed to focus on his game.
Her gaze wandered around the room of the modest ranch style home where she and Rob had lived. It was here she’d nursed her husband until the last month when he’d had to be in the hospital.
After his death she’d liked getting away from it for weeks, even months at a time, then returning for a few days’ rest before another job came along.
Now a new job had come along. One she couldn’t have turned down without raising questions she couldn’t answer.
But this was a job different from any she’d had before.
She buried her face in her hands. How was she going to handle living with Zak day and night for the next month and not give herself away?
Until this morning she’d thought maybe she’d never feel the desire for physical intimacy with anyone again.
But one minute in Zak’s presence and she’d turned into a trembling mass of needs he’d ignited without even touching her or being aware of his effect on her.
She drew in a ragged breath.
Was it because Zak was so much younger than her husband or the men she’d been dating who were closer to forty, like Mike?
Rob had been thirty-seven to her thirty when she’d married him. They’d enjoyed a satisfying love life when he wasn’t too exhausted from being up in the night with sick children. She’d tried to get pregnant but it hadn’t happened.
After he fell ill, they mostly held each other. Some days and nights he felt good enough to make love, but those times grew less frequent as the disease took over.
Could it be she was one of those needy, over-the-hill widows whose senses only responded to the virility of youth anymore? She’d be thirty-six next March with a marriage already behind her.
Zak was a young and vigorous man still enjoying his single status until the right woman came along. A whole new world would open up to him when that happened.
Her feelings for Zak had always run deep because both of them had lost their parents in accidents. They’d had that loss in common and it had drawn them together. But it was shameful to be entertaining the thoughts she had about him now.
Though Lynette’s infatuation was no doubt alarming as well as irritating to Zak considering they belonged to the same family, he could forgive it because a young woman’s adoration was understandable. But if he could have known Michelle’s reaction to him this morning, he’d be repulsed.
If Mike knew how Zak made her feel, he’d be so hurt!
That’s why Michelle had to end it with him tomorrow.
After cleaning up the house, she got ready for bed. By the time her head hit the pillow, she’d worked out what she was going to say to him in the hope it would cause the least amount of pain.
But to her chagrin she wasn’t any closer to a solution that would make her immune to Zak’s powerful masculine appeal. All she could do was stay busy and mentally isolated from him when he didn’t require her help. That meant she needed to find an engrossing project.
She knew Zak had a computer at his work and the condo. Sherilyn and Graham had confided that e-mail was the best way to stay in touch with her brother between visits.
If it wasn’t too late, Michelle could use his to sign up for an on-line class through UCLA. Something challenging with a lot of homework, yet unrelated to her profession.
Relieved for that little bit of inspiration, she finally fell asleep. But it was fitful. She came awake before her alarm went off at seven.
After she’d showered and washed her hair, she dressed in blue denims and sandals. The rest of her outfit included a navy tank top layered with a white short sleeved, button-down blouse.
Yesterday afternoon she’d made arrangements about the house with the next door neighbor she paid to keep an eye on her place. Myrna Jensen had become a loyal friend who’d been so supportive of Michelle since Rob’s passing and could use the money. Michelle could trust the other woman to forward on her mail to Zak’s condo.
With that already accomplished, all she had to do this morning was pack.
And try to ignore this strange new sense of excitement she couldn’t ever remember experiencing before.
Surely it was a transitory aberration brought on because Zak had always been one of her favorite people. She hadn’t seen him for such a long time and he’d grown up a lot during the last two years.
That had to be the reason.
When she saw him again this morning, it wouldn’t be like yesterday. Her heart wouldn’t thud. She wouldn’t feel that weakness in her limbs. She wouldn’t concentrate on his mouth, imagining what it would feel like if it were covering hers.
Don’t, Michelle. Just…don’t.
She jerked a medium sized piece of luggage from the storage closet.
September at the beach could be warm to hot, or punctuated with days of fog and cooler weather, even rain. She’d better