In addition to the advantages a cash retainer gave his struggling agency, there was another issue, a much more fundamental one. If Lisa had to learn bad news about her birth mother, he owed it to her to be the one to tell her. She probably wouldn’t agree that he was the best person to do it, but seeing her brought forward feelings he’d never admitted to anyone. Not even to himself. When they were together, he’d wanted to be the one she turned to, the one she could trust. He’d blown it then, but now he had the chance to make it up to her.
Before he’d walked in here today he’d convinced himself he could handle this job. Sitting there now, seeing her obvious distress, made him a little less sure.
“Lisa, I won’t take the case if it makes you uncomfortable.”
She started to say something, then caught herself. “I want you to find my mother,” she said, determination flowing through every word.
“I’ll do whatever I can,” he responded, seeing how tightly she gripped the arms of the chair. At least she wasn’t doing her best to ignore him the way she had the few times they’d met over the past five years.
Lisa had been a dutiful, loving daughter to her parents, the same parents who’d let her down. Lisa’s dedication to them was one of the reasons he’d been attracted to her in the beginning. Lisa had never failed to organize birthday parties for her mom and dad. She’d once told him that one of her reasons for becoming a nurse was to be there for them when they needed nursing care.
Although Lisa seemed to be accepting the loss of her mother quite well, Mason knew that deep down she had to be hurting. Easing her pain was another justification for doing what he could to help her.
“Thank you,” she said.
Seeing the apprehension on her face, he ached to take her into his arms. But what would be the point? He didn’t need the grief of revisiting an old relationship and all the mistakes lurking there. With Lisa, he’d made the kind of mistakes that couldn’t be undone.
“Great. Now that Mason’s on board, we’re all set,” Tank said. “Lisa, I’ll keep you informed of Mason’s progress on the case.”
“So that’s it? There’s nothing left to do?” Lisa asked in a calm voice.
“Only to wait for Mason’s report,” Tank said, turning his attention to Mason.
Taking that as his cue to get on with the job, Mason stood. “I’ll be in touch.”
He’d almost made it to the door when he heard her.
“Mason, I need to speak to you.”
Tank gave a nervous chuckle. “Then I’ll leave you two young people alone.” Tank was up and out the door before either of them could respond.
Lisa came toward Mason, her back straight. She was, as usual, immaculately groomed. Not a strand of her highlighted blond hair had escaped from her ponytail. Her pearl earrings matched her pearl-drop necklace. Her short black skirt showed off her legs as she moved.
“What can I do for you?” he asked, trying to ignore the memory of how right she felt in his arms, how the perfume she always wore made his blood run hot.
“When you locate my mother, I expect you to call me immediately. I want to see her as soon as I can.”
Hope shone from her eyes, but Mason had worked in missing persons and knew the devastation hope could cause when the search turned sour.
“I understand how you feel, but have you considered that this might not be a positive experience? Maybe your parents didn’t tell you about your birth mother for a good reason.”
Shock darkened her eyes. She lifted her chin. “I don’t care what the reasons are. If she’s alive, I’m going to meet her.”
He saw the purposeful set to her jaw, but pressed on, anyway. “Lisa, sometimes there are things we’re better off not uncovering.”
“Not in this case. If I’d been told about my mother, I would’ve found her years ago.” She worked her fingers through the strap of her black leather bag, her eyes holding his. “My mother deserves to know who I am, what I’ve become. That I turned out just fine…without her.”
Her voice dropped to an emphatic whisper. “I need to meet her.”
He recognized something in her eyes he’d only seen when they’d talked about his chaotic life growing up in a family of six kids.
Naked longing.
“You’re hoping you have a sister or a brother.”
A whimper of protest slipped past her lips, and her eyes widened. “Please find my mother as soon as possible.”
It wasn’t as if he was flush with cases. And with that look in her eyes, it wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. “I’ll make this my priority.”
He saw her reach for him, then pull back. He understood that her reaching out was an act of relief rather than any caring for him. But he’d taken away her reason to care with his impulsive behavior. He’d do what he could to support her through this. He owed her that much.
The breakup had been his fault because in his shock and anger at her insistence that she didn’t want children he’d said some pretty nasty things about her selfishness, her stubbornness and the cold heart she had to have not to want to share her life with a child. He’d regretted his words afterward, but it was too late to take them back. He could never heal the hurt he’d seen in her eyes, and he’d never been able to erase that look from his mind. “Here’s my business card and cell number. Call me anytime.”
“Thank you,” she said, and for the first time since he’d entered the room a smile raised the corners of her mouth.
As she turned to leave, Mason wished they could somehow connect, despite everything that had gone wrong between them. He needed her appreciation, her respect, as much now as he had back then.
Back when they’d loved each other, he had believed she could change—that loving Lisa the way he had would give her the courage to take a chance on their love, their future together.
He’d learned the hard way that Lisa Clarke wouldn’t risk her emotionally safe way of life, regardless of what was at stake.
CHAPTER TWO
SEEING MASON HAD BEEN unsettling to say the least. Trying to overcome the crazy and confusing emotions his return to her life had created, Lisa spent the next two weeks, in between shifts at the hospital, working on all the estate paperwork and financial issues that still had to be dealt with.
Tank was right—money would not be a problem for her, which meant she was free to do whatever it took to locate her birth mother.
Despite her earlier misgivings, the idea that her mother might be out there somewhere filled her with excitement and hope for the future.
She missed her adoptive mother a great deal, but Alice’s overprotective and fearful attitude had been a source of anxiety in Lisa’s life.
Although Alice Clarke had never said it in so many words, Lisa had understood that as much as her mother loved her, she hadn’t been at ease with raising her. Children were cause for concern. Children were accidents waiting to happen.
But what her adoptive mother had done or not done was in the past. The important thing now was to hear from Mason about Carolyn Lewis. How would it feel to see the woman who’d given birth to her? What would her mother look like and how would she sound?
There were moments she couldn’t believe Carolyn was still alive. That the morning in Tank’s office had been a dream.
When Alice became ill, Lisa had given up her apartment and moved home to manage her mother’s care with the help of a home nurse. This morning, finding it difficult to sleep in her parents’ empty house, Lisa went to work early for her