Markie lowered her head, too. As she did, she brought the diary to her lips, fighting tears. “Yes,” she whispered with her lips pressed against the dry, musty fabric, “it was.”
“Oh, my poor baby!” Robbie wrapped her arms around her sister’s shoulders. “I can’t imagine how painful it was for you.”
Markie struggled not to let herself feel it—all the emotion she had kept bottled up for eighteen long, lonely years. “It’s nothing compared to what you’re going through now.”
Robbie turned her head into Markie’s shoulder.
Markie clasped her sister’s forearm, holding on tight, afraid that what she had kept so carefully sealed away would crush them both if she let it out now.
But when Robbie started to cry, Markie knew there was no hope of holding her own tears in.
For a moment the two wept and clung in a sisterly hug.
Finally Robbie held her sister away at arm’s length. “You had a baby with Justin Kilgore.” She looked into Markie’s brimming eyes and pronounced each word slowly, as if trying to cement the fact in both their minds.
Markie swiped at her eyes and looked down at the worn floorboards. How she had hated this barren room as a young girl, especially after the warmth of her sisters was gone from it. “Yes. I just hate it that you found out this way, now of all times.”
But Robbie, who could be incredibly strong as well as kind, shook her head. She wiped at her eyes with the sash of her robe and suddenly she looked more like her old self than she had in days. “I hate it that you suffered with it alone all this time. I can’t imagine. Being so young and having a baby off in Austin, with a congressman’s son, no less.”
Another silence stretched before Markie said, “I wouldn’t say it was with him.” She glanced at Robbie to see if she comprehended.
But Robbie frowned. “What do you mean?”
“He never knew.”
“You mean he never knew that…” Robbie hesitated, and Markie imagined her sister was still struggling with the fact that she had a living, breathing nephew somewhere in Dallas. “That you gave the baby away?”
“No. He never even knew I was pregnant.”
“Mar-kie.” Robbie stared at her. “He never even knew—I don’t understand.” Robbie tilted her head, looking disturbed now, as well as perplexed. “I mean, I can see how you kept this from me, maybe, but how could you keep such a thing from the baby’s father?”
“He… I didn’t think he wanted to know. I was young. I was convinced. People—the congressman and Mother—convinced me that it would ruin Justin’s future if he knew, that there was no point in telling him if I wasn’t going to keep the baby, anyway.” Markie’s voice trailed off as she realized how weak and sorry her excuses sounded now, coming from a competent woman of thirty-five. But back then, she had been one very scared teenager. And back then, she had felt so angry, so betrayed.
“Besides…” Markie had trouble admitting this next part even to herself, much less to her sister. “He was already engaged.”
“Engaged?” This time when Robbie stared, her jaw dropped, as well. “The guy was engaged and he…he…when you were just a teenager?”
“He was only twenty-one himself.”
“Stop defending him! Apparently all that Mr. Nice Guy stuff was nothing but an act. He was busy getting you pregnant while he was engaged to another girl, Markie.”
“It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t about the sex.”
“Oh, please. Let’s call a spade a spade, okay? The guy was a creep. I mean, when did he decide to tell you about his fiancé? Right before he dumped you and went back east?”
Markie bit her lip to gain control. Robbie could be so small town, so black and white in her thinking. She of all people would never understand what had happened between the young couple. “He never did tell me, exactly. Mother found out about the engagement from his father and she was the one who told me.”
Robbie shook her head sadly. “Mother.”
Markie nodded. “Yeah.” Nothing more needed to be said on that score. “She took over my life after she found out about me and Justin and the fact that I was pregnant. She read all about it. In here.” Markie stroked the dairy in a gesture that was resigned, gentle.
Robbie’s jaw dropped in genuine shock. “That’s how she found out? By snooping around in your diary?”
Markie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. The whole thing happened so fast. She would have discovered the truth sooner or later, anyway.”
“Oh, man. I imagine she had a cow. And there you were, all alone in this house with her.”
“I had Daddy.”
“I meant alone without us, without your sisters. Was she just awful about it?”
“You really want to know?”
Robbie swallowed, nodded. They’d tried, over the years, to share the pain their mother had inflicted, to dilute it by spreading it out before them in the light of day. But they all knew it was Markie who had suffered the most at their mother’s hand, though it was Robbie who could never seem to break free from her.
“One time I dashed outside because I had to puke. It was weird how my morning sickness never hit in the morning like it was supposed to. It hit like clockwork every day after school. I never wanted to eat dinner, but she insisted that I sit down at the table. I could feel her watching every bite. I’ll never forget it. I jumped off the porch and ran around the side of the house. The sun was going down. She came up behind me while I was retching and yanked me back by the hair.”
“Oh, Sissy.” Robbie sweet brow furrowed with sympathy. Looking at the dark circles that had appeared under her sister’s eyes since the funeral made Markie want to soften the story.
“She just fumed a lot at first. But after she talked to the congressman, she suddenly wanted me to have an abortion.”
Robbie gasped and covered her mouth.
“I’m sorry. I know that word must be hard for you to hear, especially in your condition, especially with everything else you’re going through.”
“Markie, will you stop apologizing!” Robbie turned to wrap thin fingers around her sister’s forearm. “I care about you.” She gave the arm a hearty shake. “You should have told me about this. About all of it. I don’t care if I was planning a wedding. I don’t care if we were buying that damned farm. I’m your sister and I would have helped you. What did Daddy say? Surely he didn’t want you to have an ab…to…” Robbie stumbled over the words. “To get rid of your baby.”
“He didn’t know.”
“What? I can’t believe it! I can’t believe you had a baby and kept it a secret from Daddy, from all of us, for all these years.”
“You might as well hear the whole story. Maybe you’ll understand it better then.”
They arranged themselves more comfortably in the swale of the old mattress. Around them, the boxes they had been emptying were completely forgotten.
“At first I agreed to do whatever mother wanted. She was under a lot of pressure from Congressman Kilgore. He was facing a very close election and some other troubles that I’ve now had an opportunity to research.”
Robbie frowned. “What kind of troubles?”
“A grand jury was about to indict him in a campaign-financing probe.”
Robbie nodded. “Oh, I see.”
Markie