She hadn’t eaten a bite, nor had she slept until around four o’clock, when she finally fell exhausted into a deep sleep, during which she dreamed that someone was calling to her. She’d awoken sweaty and disoriented, believing that someone was in the house looking for her. A long shower helped clear her head of the dream, a shower during which she didn’t touch her breast.
When she reached the phlebotomy clinic, she turned on her computer at her workstation in preparation for the day ahead. Gayle came by her desk, leaning her arm on the counter, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Want to talk about it?”
“I’m scared, Gayle. I don’t know what I’ll do if this is cancer. If I have to go to Portland or Bangor for treatment, leave my job for days on end, find someone to look after my horses while I’m sick...” She tried to breathe over her fear, to draw air in past the knot in her throat.
“Sherri and I are here for you. We’ll do anything we can to help.”
Gayle’s voice, so filled with care, brought tears to her eyes. “I know you will, and I appreciate it so much. It’s just that I’ve never felt this alone before.”
“Why don’t you let me call your mom?”
“No! She’d make this all about her. I don’t have the energy for that.”
“What can I do?”
Peggy came around the desk and hugged her friend. “Just knowing you’re here and willing to help makes all the difference.”
“Okay. Who’s covering for you after eleven?”
“Janet Mills.”
“Call me when you get home. Promise?”
“I promise to call you the first chance I get.”
Peggy managed to make it through her morning patients, including a particularly exuberant four-year-old. When Janet arrived, she gathered up her purse and headed out.
When she got to Dr. Brandon’s office, his waiting room was empty. Peggy was very thankful for the reprieve. Waiting in a room full of people, trying to remain upbeat when people started a conversation with her, would have been difficult.
Ethel Stairs, Dr. Brandon’s receptionist, tipped her reading glasses down her nose and looked across her desk at Peggy. Peggy couldn’t help but wonder what Ethel would do if by some chance her perfect hair got ruffled a little.
“Good morning, Peggy. It’s so nice to see you. You haven’t been in the office for months, have you?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“And I have the correct insurance information on you, I believe,” Ethel said and read the information to Peggy for confirmation. Ethel patted the file before placing it on the corner of her desk. “If you’ll take a seat, Dr. Brandon will see you in a few minutes.”
Peggy concentrated on the seascape painting across the room, which offered a serene vista of the ocean, a calm she didn’t feel at all.
A door opened, and Dr. Brandon walked out, took her chart from the receptionist and led the way into his examination room. Closing the door gently, he smiled at Peggy as she climbed up onto the exam table. “The spot that was bothering you would seem to be nothing other than irritated tissue.”
Peggy sighed, feeling a huge weight lifting off her shoulders. “Yeah, it started to bother me right after I bought a new bra.” She smiled in relief. “I’m putting it in the trash. To think I frightened myself silly over a bad-fitting bra.”
Dr. Brandon didn’t smile back. “But you can be thankful that it prompted you to look into the problem. I’m afraid that although that spot isn’t a problem, the mammogram did find another area we need to biopsy.” He looked at her chart open in his hands and back at her. “We’ll need to do it right away.”
She hugged her arms against her chest to quell the anxiety racing through her. “When?”
“Tomorrow morning. I’ve scheduled a procedure room at the hospital for eight to do an incisional biopsy. You will need to be off work for a day or two. Can you be there?”
Who would care for her horses? Peggy felt the tears flood her eyes. “I’ll rearrange my schedule,” Peggy said as sadness and worry engulfed her.
Dr. Brandon’s gaze was kind. “This will be a simple procedure. All you need to do is be at the hospital about fifteen minutes before your appointment. I’ll meet you there.”
“Then what?”
“The biopsy tissue will be sent to Portland, to the pathology lab there, and we’ll have the results in a matter of days. In the meantime, I would encourage you not to focus on this too much. I know that’s nearly impossible to do under the circumstances. But look at it this way, if it’s nothing, then it’s over and you can go on with your life. If there is something there, the success rate in treating breast cancer has greatly improved in the past few years. There are support services and groups, as well.” He smiled encouragingly. “You have a lot of good friends who will help you if you should need them.”
She could hardly hear what he was saying. It couldn’t be cancer. She couldn’t face it. She needed time to absorb this, to get her head around the idea that this biopsy would be a turning point in her life regardless of the outcome. Suddenly she wanted her mother. She needed her desperately. Tears surged down her cheeks. “Dr. Brandon. Thank you. I’ll be there tomorrow morning.”
Somehow she had to make it home, to the place she felt safe. She needed to take Zeus out for a long run, to feel the wind in her ears, to know that at least one part of her life hadn’t changed. She would ask Ned to care for her horses, she thought, as tears she couldn’t contain blinded her. She wiped the tears and drove carefully toward home, focusing all her attention on the next few hours, in which she would try her best not to give in to the panic she felt.
* * *
RORY HADN’T HEARD from Peggy today. He missed her. He’d been a little put off by the fact that she hadn’t invited him in after the dance, but he accepted that she needed her space. There would be lots of time for them to get to know one another better. He planned to see her today if he could.
He assumed she would be at work and decided to drop by. When he arrived at her desk, she wasn’t there. Instead, an older woman greeted him. “Do you have a requisition for blood work?” she asked.
“No. I’m looking for Peggy Anderson.”
“She’s taken a day off, I’m afraid. Personal time, I believe,” the woman said, making it clear by the prim set of her lips she planned to say nothing more on the subject of Peggy Anderson.
Was she ill? Had she not been feeling well that night after the dance? He’d never considered that she might have been sick. He’d planned to call her and ask her to go bowling with him tomorrow evening. He knew that Gayle and Sherri both worked in the clinics, and he made his way there as quickly as possible. He saw Gayle at the desk, her eyes on the computer screen in front of her. When he walked up, she stopped and glanced up at him. “Hi, Rory. How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. I’m looking for Peggy.”
“She’s not working today.”
“I know that. I was wondering why she’s taken a day off in the middle of the week.”
“You’ll have to ask her.” Gayle’s smile was kind, but like the woman at Peggy’s desk, she wasn’t forthcoming.
“Thank you.” He headed out to his truck, started it up and drove out of town toward Peggy’s house. She probably wouldn’t want to talk to him, but he had to know that