‘Because it’s too bloody dangerous, that’s why!’
He swung round and she took a step back when she saw the anger in his eyes yet she knew on some inner level that it wasn’t directed at her but at himself. Her heart began to pound so that it was difficult to hear what he was saying as he continued in the same biting tone.
‘I am simply not prepared to put your life at risk, Kasey. And if you don’t like it then there isn’t much I can do because nothing you say or do will make me change my mind.’
‘I didn’t realise…’
She stopped and swallowed because she couldn’t seem to find the right words to explain that she’d never expected him to be concerned about her safety. It seemed too incredible to believe after what had gone on between them, yet there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he was telling her the truth.
‘If you could just make sure that he’ll be unconscious for the rest of the night that will be fine.’ His tone was less abrasive now, softer, and she took a deep breath as her anger suddenly melted away leaving her feeling incredibly vulnerable.
‘Of course,’ she murmured, turning to hurry back into the dining room before he realised how shaken she felt.
Adam followed her and her heart ached when she glanced up and saw him standing at the end of the table. He looked so tired and drawn, his skin tinged with the grey hue of fatigue, that all of a sudden she felt her eyes welling with tears. It was her presence that had caused him to look like this and it wasn’t what she’d intended. She’d come on this trip first and foremost to make the lives of the people they treated that bit better, not to make his life more stressful.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, overwhelmed by guilt.
‘Because you stood up for yourself?’ He shrugged. ‘I’d have done the same thing, Kasey, so there’s no need to apologise.’
‘I’m sorry for making things difficult for you,’ she corrected, wanting—needing—to explain. ‘I never meant to do that.’
‘Didn’t you?’ His voice sounded flat, emotionless, and she sighed, understanding why he found it so hard to believe her.
‘No,’ she said briefly, because there was no point trying to convince him when he didn’t want to be convinced. She topped up the patient’s anaesthetic then checked his vital signs one last time and stepped away from the table.
‘He should be OK now but you can top up the anaesthetic if you need to. I’ve left everything ready for you.’ She pointed to the vials of drugs then made her way to the door. ‘Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight, Kasey. And thank you.’
She didn’t pause, didn’t turn back to ask him what exactly he was thanking her for, because she knew what his answer would be and that it wasn’t the one she really wanted to hear. Adam was thanking her for her work that night, for acting as his anaesthetist and doing her job well. Every surgeon she’d ever worked with had done that because it was what was expected of one professional to another. However, as she made her way upstairs, she couldn’t help wishing that Adam’s thanks had been a bit more personal, that he’d thanked her for being her, not just a colleague.
It made her see just how ambivalent her feelings were towards him, and how hard it was going to be to work with him because of that. She might be ready to fight tooth and nail to uphold her status within the team but it didn’t mean that she didn’t want Adam’s approval, did it?
All of a sudden it felt as though she’d come full circle and was back to where she’d been five years ago, when wanting and hating Adam had almost destroyed her. Would she survive this time?
‘START her off with two litres of saline but I want it pushed through as quickly as possible.’
Adam was hard-pressed to contain his anger as he looked at the young girl lying on the bed. Amelia Undobe had been celebrating her thirteenth birthday that day when she’d stepped on a land-mine close to her home. Her right foot had been blown off in the explosion and the left one had suffered such extensive damage that he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to save it. It was hard to suppress his fury when he saw what had been done to the child, but he couldn’t allow his emotions to get the better of him or he wouldn’t be able to do his job properly. He turned to June and there was no trace of what he was feeling as he continued.
‘She’s too dehydrated to undergo surgery at the moment so we need to get her fluid levels up. I’ll be back in a few minutes to take another look at her so do what you can.’
He stripped off his gloves and tossed them into the waste sack then left the treatment room. Every muscle in his body was aching with tiredness and it was his own fault, too. Hadn’t he laid down the law about people not trying to prove themselves? So why was he pushing himself to the point of exhaustion? Did he really think it would stop him thinking about Kasey if he worked until he dropped? He’d still be thinking about her on his deathbed at this rate, still feeling this same mixture of longing and anguish that was eating away at him, and he sighed wearily as he headed along the corridor because he knew what had set it off.
Feeling her lying beneath him the other night had awoken urges he’d thought he’d conquered years ago. He might have been trying to protect her but his body had taken a completely different view of what had been happening and he’d been paying the penalty ever since. For the past three nights he’d dreamt about her—felt her softness over and over again, smelled the perfume of her skin—and now the images seemed to be locked inside his head and he couldn’t seem to shift them no matter how hard he tried. The thought of having to put up with such misery for an unknown period of time was more than he could bear and he cursed roundly as he veered off towards the canteen. Maybe a cup of coffee would give him the boost he needed and set him back on track.
‘Ah, Adam, my friend. I was just coming to find you.’
‘That sounds ominous.’
Adam drummed up a smile when Matthias caught up with him. He’d met Matthias when he’d been working with the French aid team during his first visit to the country and they had remained friends ever since. Matthias had qualified as a doctor in England but he’d returned to Mwuranda after completing his training and worked in the hospital they were currently using as their base. Adam knew that Matthias could have left when so many other educated people had fled the country but he’d stayed and done all he could to help his people during the war. It was because of Matthias that he’d agreed to run this mission, in fact.
‘So what’s gone wrong this time?’ he demanded as Matthias fell into step with him.
‘How do you know it’s bad news?’
Matthias smiled at him, his teeth gleaming against his black skin. A tall, handsome man in his thirties, he had the looks and the bearing to have achieved great things in the world of medicine. It was a measure of his character that he’d turned his back on material success to help his countrymen.
‘Instinct? A lucky guess?’ Adam replied drolly, shouldering his way into the canteen. Although the catering team had done their best, the place still bore the evidence of the recent turmoil—the walls were riddled with bullet holes and most of the glass was missing from the windows. Still, the coffee was hot and strong so that was something to be grateful for.
He went over to the urn and filled a couple of mugs with the steaming black brew then carried them over to a table. There were a few other people taking a break as well, and he averted his eyes when he spotted Kasey and Daniel sitting at a table in the corner. Hooking out a chair with his foot, he sat down and shoved one of the mugs across the table.
‘You are far too cynical, my friend,’ Matthias reproached him. ‘It does no good to