How could she want nothing? Charlie wondered as he left the cardiothoracic ward. Everyone wanted something. But he supposed the only thing she wanted might be unattainable. Bella’s life was in someone else’s hands. Actually, it was in someone else’s body. Bella’s chance at life would come at the expense of someone else’s. Was it better then not to think about it? Was it better not to put that longing into words?
And what was he doing, offering to come back tomorrow? Offering to be her conscience? Why was he getting involved?
Normally he would steer clear of any sort of involvement. He’d learnt that lesson a long time ago. He yearned for freedom and in his experience that didn’t come from involvement with others. But the Lockheart sisters were different. He’d learnt that a long time ago too. Almost ten years ago.
Besides, it was too late to ask himself whether he should get involved. He already was. Ever since he’d first met Evie and she’d dragged him into her world and rescued him from the depths of darkness, the Lockheart sisters had become part of his life. They’d been good for him at a time when he’d been disheartened about life and his future. Evie had helped him through that period, and her situation with her parents and with Bella’s illness had made his troubles seem less significant.
Now it was his turn to repay that debt. It was his turn to support the girls and he would do what he could to make sure all three of them got through this time with their spirits and hearts intact.
Bella was Evie’s little sister. He would help in any way he could. He would be involved but in a practical sense only. This was one woman who was safe from his advances. Not because she was unattractive, far from it, her auburn hair, pale skin and grey eyes were a mesmerising combination, but Bella was Evie’s little sister, which meant she was practically family and she was definitely off limits. But he could offer support, he knew they would need it, and that would be the extent of his involvement. She was Evie’s little sister and he would be wise to remember that.
With his involvement sorted in his mind, he headed for the bank of elevators to take him up to the orthopaedic wards and was surprised to find Evie waiting in the corridor. He thought everyone would have been long gone.
‘Were you waiting for me?’ he asked.
Evie shook her head. ‘No. I just finished talking to Richard.’
Charlie waited. He knew Evie and her father had a volatile relationship. Sometimes things went smoothly, other times not so much. He wondered how things were at the moment. ‘How did that go?’
‘No different from the usual,’ Evie sighed. ‘Bella needs his support, she needs support from all of us right now, and I don’t know if any of them understand how serious this is. Richard certainly doesn’t seem to grasp just how difficult it is to find suitable donors, Lexi doesn’t want to think about the consequences if there is no donor, and don’t get me started on my mother.’
‘So that leaves you to try to hold it all together?’
‘I guess so.’
The burden of Bella’s illness had always fallen on Evie and it looked as though that was still the case. Sam was obviously some support but Evie’s immediate family sounded as though they were all still in denial, assuming her mother even knew what was going on. He wondered if he’d been right. Was the stress upsetting Evie? Even so, Charlie knew Evie would always be there to support Bella. Maybe Bella was right—if something was bothering Evie, perhaps it was another issue.
‘Walk with me?’ he invited. ‘I need another coffee.’
She was silent as they walked back to the doctors’ lounge. He kept quiet too, thinking that if he waited she might tell him what else was on her mind, but she didn’t break the silence. He shrugged as he spooned coffee into the machine. He’d never pretended to understand women. Perhaps there wasn’t anything else bothering her.
Evie watched as Charlie fiddled with the coffee machine. The doctors’ lounge in this ward had a proper coffee machine and the hospital’s best coffee. Technically neither of them should be using it as it had been purchased by the cardiothoracic unit for their doctors, but Evie knew Charlie would get away with it, just like he got away with most things, and she wasn’t about to argue.
She was silent as the machine gurgled to life. She knew Charlie was watching her, waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t know what she could do.
‘It’ll be okay, Evie.’
Did he know what she was thinking?
‘You don’t know that,’ she retorted.
‘You’re right, I don’t, but it’s all we can hope for. We have to stay positive. Bella needs that from all of us,’ he said as the coffee dripped into the cups.
‘What did she want to speak to you about?’
‘She needed to get some things off her chest.’
‘Why didn’t she talk to me?’ she asked, hating the petulant tone she heard in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. For as long as she could remember she’d been Bella’s confidante and protector. What made Bella think she couldn’t come to her now?
‘I think she just needed to talk to someone who isn’t quite as invested emotionally in her as you are.’
‘But she’s always confided in me.’
Not always, he thought. But Evie didn’t need to hear that now.
‘Don’t worry, she’s okay.’ Charlie’s deep brown eyes were sombre as he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her against his chest. ‘The best thing you can do for her right now is just be there. Just like you’ve always been. She needs you.’
Evie closed her eyes and leant against Charlie’s solid chest as she let out a long breath. It felt good to have a hug with no hidden agenda, a straightforward, comforting hug from a friend. It felt good to let someone else worry about her for a change.
‘I’m consulting today. Call me if there’s anything you need,’ he said. ‘Anything. I’m here for you, okay?’
His words vibrated in his chest and into Evie but she was also aware of the air in the room moving and she knew someone else had entered the lounge. She opened her eyes and her gaze settled on the last person she expected to see. The last person she wanted to see.
Finn Kennedy.
The last time she’d been in somebody’s arms they’d been his. He stood in the doorway, rigid and forbidding, with his usual unfathomable expression on his face. His gaze was locked on her as she was held in Charlie’s embrace. He didn’t speak and he didn’t move. Heat flooded through her, unbidden, unwanted, unplanned, as he watched her with his piercing blue eyes.
Evie stepped back, breaking Charlie’s hold on her. ‘I’d better go. I need to hit the showers and get downstairs.’ She picked up her coffee and stirred milk and sugar into it, resolutely keeping her gaze focussed on her drink.
‘I’ll see you later,’ Charlie said.
She looked up at him as he spoke. The doorway was empty. She and Charlie were alone again.
It was probably just as well, she thought with a sigh. She didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with Finn Kennedy, esteemed cardiac surgeon, Head of Surgery and her most recent lover. Although that term was probably too generous. They’d shared one fiery sexual interlude but she couldn’t call it lovemaking. It had been steamy, fierce and passionate but without tenderness. It had been raw, impulsive and gratifying but it could not be repeated.
She did not have time to think about Finn Kennedy. She needed to stay in control and, where Finn was concerned, she’d already demonstrated an extreme lack of self-control.
She