Not that she had anything to fear on that score, she thought wistfully as she changed into them. She was just Jane. Just good old dependable Jane.
And you should thank your lucky stars you are, her mind declared while she brushed her teeth. How long do Elliot’s girlfriends usually last—a month, six weeks? Gussie was doing well at two months. Actually, Gussie was doing incredibly well to have lasted two months.
Sleep, she told herself firmly. Get into bed and get some sleep. And she tried. She really did try, but two o’clock saw her no sleepier than before, and she’d just decided to get up and make herself a cup of tea when she heard it.
The unmistakable sound of a child’s muffled sobs in the silence.
She was out of bed in a second, tiptoeing quickly down the corridor so as not to wake Elliot, but her stealth was unnecessary. He was already awake, already heading in the same direction, and he came to a halt with clear relief when he saw her. She stopped too, but it wasn’t relief she felt. It was an altogether different emotion.
He only wore boxer shorts to bed. Nothing on top at all. Nothing to disguise the fact that his chest was even broader and more muscular than she’d ever imagined. And the boxer shorts…She swallowed convulsively, and resolutely shifted her gaze to his face and kept it there.
‘Nicole’s crying,’ he said unnecessarily.
‘She’ll be missing her mother,’ she managed to reply. ‘Feeling a bit lost.’
‘I guess so.’
‘I’ll leave you to it, then,’ she continued, half turning to go.
‘Leave me?’ he gasped. ‘But you can’t. I mean, I don’t know what to do!’
‘Elliot, all she needs is for you to hold her, cuddle her!’ she exclaimed, unable to hide her exasperation. ‘How hard can that be?’
‘Can’t you do it?’ he begged.
‘Elliot—’
‘Janey, I told you I wasn’t any good with kids. I’ll only muck it up if I go in there, say the wrong thing.’
‘But—’
‘And I have to get some sleep,’ he continued in desperation, seeing the shock and disapproval in her face. ‘I’ve got a meeting with Admin tomorrow about next year’s budget, and I must have my wits about me.’
For a second she stared at him speechlessly, then she drew herself up to her full five feet one, her grey eyes blazing.
‘Go, then!’ she snarled. ‘Go and get your precious sleep, and I hope you have nightmares. You deserve to, because you sure as hell don’t deserve a lovely little girl like Nicole!’
And he didn’t, she thought furiously when she went into Nicole’s bedroom and gathered the little girl into her arms. He didn’t deserve anybody’s love.
To think that at the airport she’d been stupid enough to wonder if his apparent callousness might be an act. An act he’d adopted because he was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to cope. But it wasn’t an act. He was just selfish to the core.
And as she cradled Nicole to her, holding the little girl tightly until she finally fell asleep, she didn’t know that Elliot remained outside the bedroom door, listening. Didn’t know that as he stood there, his hands clenched against his sides, his forehead leaning against the door, that he felt not only like the biggest heel of all time but also the world’s biggest failure.
‘HEY, Elliot, I know everyone says fatherhood’s tough, but don’t you think trying to cut your own throat is a bit drastic?’ Charlie Gordon grinned.
‘Oh, ha, ha, very funny,’ Elliot replied, gingerly rubbing his lacerated chin. ‘Jane’s been using my razor to shave her legs again, and it was blunt as a stone this morning.’
‘Don’t you just hate it when girls do that?’ Charlie laughed. ‘I mean, it’s bad enough when they hang their wet tights and underwear all over the shower rail—’
‘Not to mention all those creams and potions they stack along the bath.’ Elliot sighed ruefully. ‘Two weeks ago I had a bathroom to call my own, and now—’
‘It’s become a branch of your local chemist,’ Charlie finished for him. ‘Still, all that clutter’s nice in an odd sort of way. Makes a man’s flat seem more homely somehow.’
It did, Elliot acknowledged. Just as he also knew that he could never have got through this last fortnight without Jane, in spite of all her clutter. She was the oil that kept everything running. The cement without which everything would have fallen apart. Without her, Nicole’s arrival would have been even more of a nightmare than it actually was.
And it had been a nightmare, despite the fact that he’d tried really hard to involve himself in Nicole’s life. He’d had to, and it wasn’t just because he knew Jane’s watchful eyes were constantly on him. It was because he’d felt so guilty about the way he’d reacted when he’d first seen Nicole, the way he’d chickened out of comforting her on that first night, but nothing he’d done had worked.
With Jane his daughter was completely at ease, laughing and smiling, but the minute he tried to engage her in conversation all her animation disappeared. Oh, she was polite enough, answering all of his questions, dutifully telling him about her new school, but it had been a duty. A duty she’d got over as quickly as she could.
‘Nicole settling in OK at her new school?’ Charlie continued as they walked together towards the treatment room.
‘Very well, thanks.’ Elliot nodded.
And that had been because of Jane, too. He didn’t know how she’d managed to do it but somehow she’d contrived to make friends with the mother of one of the girls in Nicole’s class, and now invitations were starting to arrive for Nicole to come to tea.
‘You must find Jane a great help,’ Charlie said as though he’d read his mind.
‘Couldn’t do without her,’ Elliot admitted frankly.
‘Nice girl, Jane,’ the SHO continued, seeing her coming out of one of the cubicles. ‘Lovely smile, too. Sort of lights up her face, if you know what I mean.’
Elliot didn’t. To him, Jane was…Well, Jane was just Jane but, judging by Charlie Gordon’s admiring gaze, he clearly didn’t think so.
Actually, now he came to think of it, the SHO had no business to be thinking anything about Jane, Elliot decided irritably. Dammit, the man had a girlfriend in Wales or Norfolk, or some such outlandish place, and if he was planning on fooling around with Jane, breaking her heart…
‘Charlie—’
‘Good grief, what in the world have you done to your face, Elliot?’ Jane asked, smothering a chuckle as she joined them.
‘Somebody—somebody—has been using my razor to shave their legs again,’ he observed.
‘Sorry,’ she said guiltily. ‘I’ll try to get to a chemist some time today before I go home.’
‘Better buy some plasters while you’re about it,’ Charlie declared as he headed off towards Reception. ‘Those bits of toilet paper he’s currently got stuck to his chin aren’t exactly going to inspire much confidence in our patients.’
Elliot whipped the forgotten pieces of toilet paper off quickly, but not fast enough. Jane let out a peal of laughter, and as he stared down at her he realised that Charlie was right.
She did have a nice smile.