The first thing I was aware of after the blankness was the sound of Jack, Walt and Alan discussing how to wake me up … followed by the sharp scent of bourbon.
‘Will this work?’ asked Alan.
‘Guaranteed. If it worked in Nam, it’ll work here,’ Walt replied.
‘She fell so hard,’ Jack said. Their voices were backed by a chorus of chattering customers. All of whom, I could hear, were gossiping about me: the ‘little lady who’d taken a fall’. They didn’t hear me beg but every cell in my body screamed for a way out. Don’t wake me. Please. Let me stay here. Somewhere between this world and the next. Where I don’t have to answer questions. Don’t have to avoid your eye. Or remember. What he did to her. What I did to him …
Then, there was a sting as something strong and alcoholic wafted up my nostrils. My eyes jolted open.
‘Easy, easy…’ said Alan. Squinting up at the three concerned faces staring down at me, I tried to sit up. That was a mistake. I cried out with the pain. ‘Give yourself a second, I know you’re tough but you took quite a fall,’ Alan added. I offered him a feeble smile for talking to me as he would a child who’d braved an injection at the doctor’s.
‘Is my head big?’ I croaked. ‘It feels too big.’
‘You’ve got a bit of a bump but otherwise your head is pretty much the size it should be,’ Jack said. ‘Can you sit up now?’
‘I think so,’ I replied, and, with less grace than I would’ve liked, I did.
Alan smiled. ‘You’re having quite a week.’
‘Yes. I wrote my dissertation on being a magnet for trouble. I’m OK,’ I said as they helped me up into a chair. I put a hand to my head. Dizzy and bruised, not to mention mortified, I sat as still as I could in the hope the room would stop spinning. The Rutherfords stood just yards away, red-faced at being the root cause of this ruckus. ‘I’m so sorry to have frightened you,’ I called over to them. They inched closer.
‘We didn’t mean to shock you,’ said Sandra, taking her time over every word, as though any utterance might send me into another faint.
‘You didn’t. Not at all,’ I lied. ‘I’ve just, I haven’t been eating properly or looking after myself. Seeing you was just an added surprise my body wasn’t expecting. You mustn’t blame yourselves.’ I flashed them my most convincing smile.
‘I almost didn’t recognise you in that uniform,’ said David. ‘Given up teaching, have you?’
‘No, er yes.’ I was conscious of the regulars watching, and listening. ‘I … I decided to take a break. You know, from the responsibilities of teaching.’
‘Oh. After… I mean we heard about –’ Sandra began.
‘Yes,’ I interrupted. ‘Fresh start.’ Sandra nodded. David looked as vacant as ever. ‘So, you in New York for long?’ I asked, hoping the answer was something along the lines of ‘we’re just on our way to the airport to catch a flight home’.
‘Coupla weeks,’ David said. ‘Just on our way to the Empire State Building but we read about this place and thought we’d give it a quick look. It’s rather something, isn’t it?’
‘It is. Life’s simpler in the fifties.’ I smiled. David pointed a finger at me and laughed, then an awkward silence fell over us. ‘How’s Isabella?’ I asked, desperate to fill the silence with something. Sandra understood me but David could start blabbing on about the late Mr and Mrs Delaney in front of the whole diner gang at any moment.
David beamed. ‘Oh, she’s fantastic. She got a graduate position in the city and is busy working her way up the banking ladder.’
‘Banking,’ I repeated. ‘Can be quite stressful during a recession, I believe.’ It had been for him. But Mrs Delaney was always there. Ready to sprawl and relieve the pressure.
‘She seems to be coping.’ Sandra smiled. Silence again. I had to get these two out the door sharpish.
‘Well, sorry about the whole fainting thing. I really need to slow down.’ I strained out a laugh though my whole head pulsed when I did so. ‘I hope you enjoy the Empire State Building. The view up there will be quite spectacular today.’
‘Yes. Thanks. And er. Sorry. I mean. I hope you’re OK,’ said Sandra. I nodded. And with that they picked up their takeaway coffees, waving goodbye.
The second they left I knew there’d be pressure to explain. Bernie hobbled over, weighing up how to respond to the havoc I’d wreaked. Mona, Alan, Walt, Angela and Jack were all looking at me; even Lucia had ducked out of the kitchen. I was surrounded by faces that begged for answers. The thought of telling my story however, even excerpts from it, made me want to throw up. Or maybe that was just the first signs of a concussion.
‘Suppose I better start clearing up the mess I made. Sorry, Bernie.’ Perhaps I could distract them by being industrious.
‘Don’t worry ’bout that,’ he replied. Of all the responses Bernie had considered in the last minute, he seemed to have landed on pity. ‘You should go home. Rest up.’
‘You mean I’ve caused enough damage for one day?’ I tried to smile.
‘You clearly need a break and it’s not like the world is going to end if you don’t wait on customers this afternoon,’ he said in the softest tone I’d ever heard him use.
‘Thanks. I know you must have … questions …’ I pressed down on the table in an attempt to stand but it was still too soon and I had to sit again.
‘We wouldn’t dream of pryin’,’ said Mona, the corners of her mouth twitching. ‘But you can probably tell the story better tomorrow anyway, when you haven’t had a knock to the head.’
I sighed. Mona’s maternal instinct only just trumped her love for gossip.
‘You can barely stand,’ said Jack.
‘I can see you home,’ Alan offered.
‘Oh, Alan, that’s not necessary.’ I smiled so hard at him I probably looked like a game-show host. ‘Walking home a woman who’s fainted is hardly police business.’
‘Well, I do have a hearing to get to… but you shouldn’t walk back alone, Esther.’
‘Maybe Jack could see you home,’ Mona suggested with an almost untraceable smirk. Angela looked at Jack and pursed her lips. I glared at Mona for meddling yet again.
‘No, no, no. I’m fine,’ I said. Angela was so beautiful it was unthinkable that she should be insecure but, being a kid, she was. I could see it in the thin smile she’d forced onto her face. A smile she’d borrowed from me. She was quiet for a few moments and then, looking down at me, shook her head.
‘Esther, you’re not fine. I’d come with you but I have to get to work. Jack can walk you home.’
‘But –’ I began.
‘No. You need help,’ Angela insisted. She nodded at Jack, pecked him on the cheek and squeezed my arm on her way out.
‘Look. I… I don’t want to …’ I looked up at Jack. ‘It’s kind, but you don’t need to go to the trouble of walking me home. I don’t live far.’ In my weakened state the last thing I needed was to be left alone, unsupervised, with Jack.
‘Yes, you live nearby. Which is why it’s no trouble,’ he said.
I sighed and shook my head.
‘Stop being so stubborn and let the man see you home,’ said Mona.
‘Alright, alright.’ I closed my eyes. Peril lurked in some quiet corner of this situation. I could feel its stale, over-familiar breath on the back of my neck but didn’t have the strength for an argument. With my head hung