“Babe, come inside,” he begged. “You need some sleep.”
She shook her head. “Not yet.”
“You were out here all night.” He knew because he’d awakened to an empty bed. He’d checked on her half a dozen times during the night, but she’d refused to come back to bed.
Heaving a resigned sigh, Mack brought his coffee and joined her on the deck, ignoring the look that told him she’d prefer to go right on being alone.
He set the coffee aside, then pulled his chair close enough to reach for her hand. Even though it was a warm morning, her hand was like ice and trembled in his, but at least she didn’t pull away.
Susie was the bravest, most courageous woman he’d ever known. He’d never seen her this defeated, not even when she’d been battling cancer and sickened by chemo and radiation. She’d had her share of down moments, her doubts about her future, but this was different. There was a steely resolve behind her decision to give up, one that left little room for argument or hope.
“I love you,” he told her, holding on tight, willing her to draw on his strength.
She turned and gave him a vague smile. “I know.”
“Are you ready to talk about this?”
Once again she shook her head. “What is there to talk about?”
“What we’re going to do next,” he suggested.
“Nothing,” she said flatly. “It’s over.”
“It’s only over if we give up.”
“Well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m giving up.” She turned and gave him an earnest look. “I can’t go through this again, Mack. Now I have some idea of how women feel after miscarriages. They carry this little baby inside of them, inside their hearts, even if only for a few weeks, and then it’s over. There’s no baby to hold.”
“The right baby will come along,” he insisted, though he knew no such thing. “Or we could look into an older child adoption. Think of all the children who need loving families, kids who’ve bounced around in foster care. We could open our hearts and our home to them. Maybe that’s what we’re meant to do.”
Susie closed her eyes and, he suspected, her ears, to block out his words. “I can’t do it, Mack. Please don’t hate me, but I can’t.”
Mack wasn’t sure what to say. Susie had always been more certain about parenthood than he was. It had been her dream and, because he loved her so blasted deeply, he’d wanted to give her that, no matter how the child came into their lives. He could accept her decision and move on, but he knew in his heart the day would come when she’d regret it. Maybe he needed to accept her decision for now, then bring this up again when this latest wound wasn’t so fresh.
She glanced his way. “Have you heard from Sam? How’s he coping with losing his sister?”
“He’s doing okay, I think,” Mack said, relieved to have her show an interest in something, even if she was only doing it to change the subject. “The accident came as a terrible shock, but there’s more. He’s reeling, in fact.”
Real interest sparked in her eyes. “Why? What else happened?”
“His sister and brother-in-law named him guardian of their son, a six-year-old boy.”
Shock spread across her face. “Sam’s a dad? Just like that?”
Mack hesitated, sensing that the news had stirred envy as much as surprise. He should have considered that and kept quiet, but it was out there now.
“It was a shock to him, too,” Mack reported. “He said he’d tell me more when he got back to town. I think he was hoping to make it by last night. I imagine he’ll check in later today. I told him to take as long as he needs. We can manage okay at the paper for another week, if he needs that long to deal with the situation. Even longer, if need be.”
That vacant stare returned to Susie’s eyes. “Sam has a son,” she murmured. “Of all people.”
“Hey,” Mack protested. “Sam’s a good guy.”
“I suppose so. He’s a talented web designer, for sure, and a tech genius to hear you tell it, but come on, Mack, do you really see him as dad material?”
“I’m the last person to ask about that. I don’t know what it takes to be a good father.”
“Reliability’s a good place to start,” she said.
“Sam is reliable.”
“He left you in the lurch right after he started on the job,” she said, a critical note in her voice.
“Babe, his sister and brother-in-law were killed. Did you expect him not to attend the funeral?”
“Well, he hasn’t exactly settled down, has he? He’s still living at the inn.”
Mack suspected she was uttering these judgments for a reason, one he didn’t particularly like. “He’d only been here a couple of weeks, hardly enough time to find a house or even an apartment,” he said, defending Sam. “Where are you going with this, Suze?”
“How many jobs has he held over the past few years? Three? Four? What kind of man does that?” she asked without responding to his question about her motives.
“Someone who’s talented and very much in demand in a new field,” Mack replied, not sure why he was so ardently defending a man he barely knew himself, but having the feeling that he needed to make his position clear. Susie seemed to be heading in a worrisome direction. She’d liked Sam well enough when they’d had him over for dinner. This had to be about the boy, though Mack hoped he was wrong about that.
“We should go over to the inn and see how they’re doing,” she said out of the blue, standing up and proving that Mack’s instincts had been right on target.
“This morning? You haven’t slept a wink. You need rest more than you need to be running around paying social calls.”
She frowned at him. “I want to see for myself how Sam’s coping with a child to care for.”
Since Mack had been praying for a distraction for Susie, even one as misguided as he was sure this one was, he told himself he could control the situation and gave in.
“While you take a shower, I’ll call Jess to see if he’s back. If he is, we’ll go when you’re dressed,” he said.
“Why wait?” she asked, giving him a bewildered look.
“Because you’ve been wearing that same robe for the past two days. You can’t go anywhere in that.”
She glanced down as if surprised by the reminder. “I won’t take long,” she promised. “I know you need to get to work. Go ahead, if you want to. I can stop by on my own.”
“Not a chance. I’m going with you,” Mack said. He needed to see for himself if his wife intended something more than a kindhearted visit to an employee who’d just suffered a terrible loss.
Susie leveled a knowing gaze straight at him. “I’m not jumping off the deep end,” she told him. “I know I can’t go swooping in and take a little boy away from Sam, no matter how desperate I might be feeling.”
Mack was relieved to hear her express his exact concern. “I’m glad to hear that’s not what you were thinking.”
She touched his cheek. “I love you for caring so much and for worrying about me. I’m sad, but