She’d let him go, but somehow the list had been harder to shake. Stamped on her brain, a reminder that she was irretrievably flawed and a warning against ever trusting a man again.
But Rafe had made her believe that one last try might be possible. He had been the handsome doctor in attendance when Charlie was brought into A and E, so terribly injured, after falling from a window. It was thanks to his skill and quick action that Charlie still had some mobility left in his legs, and could pull himself up from his wheelchair and walk a few steps.
Twenty-three. When Rafe’s mother had been diagnosed with cancer she’d tried so hard to support him, the way he’d supported her and Charlie, but he’d shut her out over and over again. Every day she’d felt him slip away a little more, and when he’d finally left it had been just a confirmation of everything that the list had taught her. She just wasn’t good enough. And it hurt so much more to be not good enough for someone you really loved.
Mimi had picked up the pieces and set her goals. Helping Charlie regain his independence. Getting her paramedic qualification. Wiping Rafe out of her life, and never giving any man the chance to break her heart again. And she’d achieved them.
So how come she was wet through, trudging through a wood with Rafe? Feeling all the insecurities that she thought she’d put behind her. Wondering what he was thinking, and whether he might be comparing her with someone else and finding her lacking.
The straps of the bag were cutting into her shoulder and she shifted it a little. She would deal with it. She felt bad, but that had never stopped her before. It would pass. Rafe would be history again, very soon.
As they approached the place that Cass had indicated the canopy of trees thinned slightly, giving way to long grass, which had been flattened and muddied when the river broke its banks. On the other side she could see Cass’s party, climbing a rocky outcrop that rose twenty feet above the level of the fast-flowing water.
‘If they’re going to get a line across, this is the place to do it.’ Rafe had come to a halt, looking around.
‘Yep.’ Mimi looked up at the iron-grey sky. ‘At least it’s stopped raining.’
He nodded. Finally it seemed they’d found something that they could agree on.
Cass and the men on the other side were securing the end of a long rope around the trunk of a tree. She was as tall as the men with her, and seemed to be directing them. As she worked her hood fell back off her head, showing a shock of red hair, bright against the browns and dirty greens of the landscape.
Mimi’s phone rang.
‘We’re ready.’ Cass didn’t bother with any preliminaries. ‘I’m going to try and throw a line to you. Be ready to grab it.’
‘Okay. Standing by...’ Mimi looked up at Rafe. ‘There’s a rope coming over.’
He nodded, and Mimi saw Cass swing the rope and throw it. The coil at her feet played out, but the rope was too light to travel far and dropped into the middle of the river, immediately carried downstream by the current. The men behind her hauled it back and she tried again. It travelled further this time, dropping into the river just yards from their reach and Mimi heard Rafe puff out a breath almost at the same time as she did.
‘They need to find something heavy to weight the rope...’ His voice was loaded with frustration.
Mimi bit back the temptation to tell him that he was stating the obvious, and that it seemed that Cass was already doing something about it. She had to get a grip. Rafe was acting perfectly reasonably and she should at least try to be civil with him. But she was still reeling from the double shock of nearly losing Jack and then of seeing Rafe again.
She watched as Cass selected something from one of the backpacks they’d brought with them and tied it carefully on to the end of a thinner, lighter length of twine. When Cass threw again, the line came whizzing across, followed by a shout of triumph as it cleared the river, the weight dragging along the ground as the twine sank into the water and was pulled downstream.
Mimi ran for it but Rafe was faster and he was already there, catching the weight just in time. Mimi took hold of the twine and together they dragged it clear of the water, pulling it back and winding it securely around the trunk of a tree.
Her phone rang again and there were more instructions from Cass, which Mimi relayed on to Rafe. A rope was hauled across and secured, along with clips and a pulley.
‘I wonder where she got all this stuff from.’ Mimi could see that the nylon ropes were strong and of high quality.
‘It looks like mountaineering equipment. This is a carabiner...’ Rafe was securing the rope around the tree with a no-nonsense-looking clip. ‘Watch your fingers.’
‘Well, give me a chance...’ Mimi whipped her hand away as Rafe tested the strength of the anchor and the rope snapped tight around the tree trunk.
He waved to the party on the other bank and the bag began to move. Slowly at first, and then speeding through the air, over the water. A small pause while it was unclipped on the other side, and then the pulley came spinning back towards them.
Mimi looked at the water, boiling over jagged rocks twenty yards downstream. She was afraid, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her. She cupped her hands around her mouth, shouting across the river. ‘You have a harness?’
Cass didn’t seem to hear her, and Rafe shook his head.
‘Leave it.’ He clipped the second bag on to the pulley. As it began to move, he tugged at the ropes that anchored their end of the line around the tree trunk, assessing their strength.
Mimi knew exactly what he was thinking. Rafe was going to insist on being the one to make that perilous journey, with or without a harness. It had always been this way with him.
He’d been just the same when they’d lived together. Strong, dependable, always the first to get to grips with a problem and always the first to solve it. His quiet resourcefulness was one of the things that had drawn her to him but, after a while, standing back and watching Rafe deal with everything had begun to lose its charm.
And yet she’d done it. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing Rafe and she’d tried so hard to be the woman he wanted, someone he’d think was good enough to spend his life with.
Fat lot of use that had been. His family had obviously been hoping he’d find someone from the same background as him—big house, private education, an appreciation of the finer things in life and the money to buy them. They had probably heaved a joint sigh of relief when Rafe had left her.
She wasn’t about to let Rafe walk all over her again. ‘I’ll go first. I’m lighter than you are.’ She spoke casually, even though she knew that the words would be like a red rag to a bull.
‘You will not.’
‘Just watch me, Rafe.’ She threw the retort at him, watching as the group across the river retrieved the second bag. As they did so, a crack sounded across the water. One of the ropes came whipping towards them and she felt herself falling sideways as Rafe tackled her to the ground. The rope described an arc in the air above their heads and flopped down next to them.
‘Ow! Did you have to do that?’ Mimi rolled away from him, straight into a patch of mud. She’d been trying so hard to show him that he didn’t need to protect her any more. Rafe sweeping her off her feet, however dispassionately he’d done it, was the last thing she needed.
‘Nope. Could have just let it take your head off.’ He had the audacity to grin at her.
‘I’m beginning to wish you had.’ She brushed herself down, resisting the temptation to thank him. Instead she turned to the group on