‘And you never knew?’ Lisa looked at him and he was certain she hadn’t known any of this. He could see so many questions in her eyes but was grateful that she didn’t ask them now. Hell, he didn’t even know the answer to any of them himself. All he could think about was that he’d done exactly what his birth father had done. He’d created a child he didn’t want.
‘No, but that is not important now. We need to discuss the baby.’ Saying that word made it so real it came out in a growl of harshness and he saw her sit back away from him as if he were the devil himself. He hadn’t wanted it to sound so cruel.
‘There is nothing to discuss.’ She pushed back her chair and stood up, forcing him to look up at her. ‘I’m going to have your baby, but you needn’t worry, I won’t make any demands on you whatsoever. You made it very clear when you walked out on our marriage that any kind of commitment is very much off the agenda for you.’
‘Sit down, Lisa.’
‘No.’ She buttoned up her coat and he knew if he didn’t get this right, didn’t say the right thing she would walk out on him—again. Only this time she would take with her his child, a child that would grow up wondering where in the world its father was and why he didn’t want them in his life. He knew only too well what that was like and didn’t want that pain, that rejection for his child.
‘We need to talk about this. Sit down, Lisa.’ Anger simmered in his voice and he bit down hard, stopping himself from saying anything else. Something that would make this even worse than it already was. He needed to sort things with Lisa, then he could deal with the other avalanche that had crashed into his life. His brother.
‘Why? So that you can tell me it’s not what you want and walk away from me again?’ The truth of her words stung. Just as the truth of the headlines smarted like salt in an open wound.
He wanted to demand to know why she’d let this happen, why after living apart yet working together professionally she had agreed to have dinner with him, turning it into a date, then a one-night stand. Inwardly, he savagely cursed. He’d been the one to invite her to dinner, the one to suggest that avoiding each other wasn’t professional. After all they were both shareholders, both had a stake in the club. Neither of them could just walk away.
‘I don’t want children and this is why.’ He picked up the newspaper and shook it, anger making his movements sharp. ‘It’s all here.’
‘You are not the only one to have had a bad childhood, Max.’ His gaze snapped to hers and the one and only time they’d discussed her childhood surfaced from his memory. The way she’d told him she’d hated the family arguments, especially at Christmas.
‘My point exactly.’ His reply was swift.
‘I am having this baby, Max, and, as I said, I expect nothing from you.’ Her chin lifted and her eyes glittered with defiance.
‘So you think you can just arrive here, today of all days, and tell me I am to be a father then walk away?’
‘The timing is bad, I admit.’ Her voice softened slightly, snagging at his senses, pulling at his conscience. ‘But I am having this baby, Max.’
‘And I intend to be there for my child, no matter what. It will not grow up thinking I cared so little I walked away.’ As he spoke he knew that it was the one and only thing he was certain of at the moment. If his brother wanted nothing to do with him and Lisa hated him, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was to be a part of his child’s life. But to do that he would have to be a part of Lisa’s life. He pushed the paper at her, stabbing coldly at the image of the father he could barely remember. ‘I will not be this man.’
* * *
‘No, Max, it’s not possible, not when you have already made it clear you don’t want me in your life.’ Lisa stepped back from Max, away from the temptation of reaching out to touch him, to go to him and soothe his pain. He was dealing with two life-changing things in one morning, but, from the cold expression on his face, neither had made any great impact other than to make him angry. He didn’t want a brother or a baby.
‘There wasn’t a baby involved then. My baby.’
‘And that changes things?’
‘You’re damn right it changes things.’
He glared at her and the sensation of being in control, of being able to drive the situation how she wanted, vanished as he looked at her. Only a small distance separated them but right now it felt like an ocean. Deep and unnavigable.
‘No, it doesn’t.’ Her life-long instinct to protect herself and stand up for herself, to fight her corner, kicked in. ‘I’m doing this on my own.’
‘No.’ That one word thundered around the room and she blinked in shock. She’d never seen Max so angry. Would she have told him about the baby if she’d known his reaction would be this bad? Yes, the answer fired back into her mind. She didn’t want him turning up when the child was older as her father had done, creating hell in an already dysfunctional family and giving her false hope of being wanted, of being rescued from the latest stepfather, a spiteful older stepbrother and uncaring mother who seemed only to want to make her feel useless.
‘What do you mean, no?’ she demanded hotly, the pain of her childhood almost too much in the emotional state she was in.
‘I mean we will remain married.’ He paused as his expression hardened further and she braced herself against what was to follow. ‘And we will live as a married couple.’
‘No. I don’t want to.’ Anger made her irrational. ‘I want a divorce.’
‘Divorce is not an option now, Lisa.’ His words had calmed, become laden with iciness. His expression was severe, his eyes dark and watchful.
She lifted her chin. ‘It is the only option for me.’
‘Not for me.’ Those words were hard and forceful.
‘Why?’ The response blurted from her as if it had been catapulted across the room. He didn’t flinch at the accusation firmly loaded within it.
‘Because I will not be the man my father was.’ His mood softened and he moved toward her, the man she’d fallen in love with showing through the tough façade like an echo of a ghost. ‘I will not abandon my child because it doesn’t fit in with my life.’
All her past pain from her childhood melted away and her heart went out to him; the pain was so clear in his voice. Whatever had happened she’d loved this man, even if he’d destroyed that with his coldness that morning two months ago. She had once loved him enough to marry him and promise to be there for him in good times and bad. Didn’t that count for something?
Marriage for ever was something she’d dreamt of as a young girl, yearned for as a young woman, and then she’d met Max. He’d swept her off her feet, made her feel special, wanted and very much desired. He’d never told her he loved her, no matter how many times she’d said it to him, but when he’d asked her to be his wife, that hadn’t mattered. She’d had enough love for both of them.
Only she hadn’t, she thought as she watched him press the pads of his fingers over his eyes in an uncustomary display of inadequacy. Her heart lurched as she weakened. This was her baby’s father, the man she’d fallen in love with, the man she’d married.
‘I understand why you are saying that,’ she said more softly now as she moved closer, physically bridging the gap if not emotionally. ‘But we shouldn’t make any decisions now. Not until you have met your brother. This is too much to deal with in one go.’
‘You’re right,’ he said firmly and looked up at her. ‘First I will meet my brother and then we will sort this out.’
He made their baby sound as if it were a little mistake that could be swept to one side, but she kept her nerve, hid her pain and looked him in the eye. ‘So when are you going to