This was it. She’d promised herself she would do this, and now the time had come. Amy took a long, calming breath.
After what felt like an eternity, the mare was only a few feet from the truck. Amy pulled on the reins and the horse stopped and waited to be told what to do next. Amy wished someone would tell her what she should do, too, but she knew she’d need to figure it out for herself.
Jack moved away from the truck and came closer, stroking the horse’s muzzle, still keeping his eyes on Amy. For a long moment, they stared at one another, only a foot of space between them.
If her heart hadn’t been beating so hard, it might have stopped at the sight of Jack so close. He looked a little older, but he was still handsome as ever, his wavy dark hair playing around his ears in the breeze. And his eyes, that same light blue that haunted her dreams, bored into her.
She couldn’t think of what to say. Hi seemed silly, with all the unanswered questions and years standing between them.
“I heard you were in town,” Jack said, breaking the silence at last.
Amy nodded, not taking her eyes off his. “For a month.”
“I was on my way to your house when I saw you two.”
She wasn’t sure what to say to that. Had it brought up old memories for him, too?
“I’d like to talk, Amy,” he said, his voice sounding strained.
Was he hurt, or angry, or both? It was hard to tell exactly how he felt from the way he clenched his jaw, but it was enough to make it clear that he hadn’t forgotten about what had happened between them all those years ago.
And now it was time to explain. As much as she wanted to run away again, she wasn’t going to. The mare snorted and shifted beneath her, as if she could feel Amy’s roil of emotions.
Her eyes began to sting with the tears of all the years she’d missed with him because of the hand fate had dealt her.
Jack hated what seeing her did to his heart. She had dumped him—even worse, just avoided him—yet when he looked at her all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms. The moment he’d seen her as he was driving along, her blond hair flying along behind her just like it did when she rode junior rodeo in high school, it was like the last decade had never happened.
It was even worse when she looked down at him from her perch on the horse, her green eyes sparkling with tears. He couldn’t meet them and keep his distance. He turned his eyes to the truck. “How about we sit for a few minutes?” he asked, lowering the tailgate of his truck.
It would be warmer in the cab, but he knew Amy would want to keep close to the horse. Besides, he didn’t think he could be in that small a space with her and keep his wits about him. As it was, he already felt claustrophobic despite the wide-open sky and the large animal between them.
Amy swung herself off the horse, wincing when she dropped her weight onto one foot, and if he’d been any closer, he would have automatically put his arms on her waist to steady her. He was almost glad for the distance between them, since he wasn’t sure what touching her would do to him. “Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “Twisted my ankle a while back, and it still gives me trouble sometimes.”
Jack almost said something, anything, to keep the conversation away from the tough stuff, but he kept his mouth shut. It was finally time to talk about what had happened between them.
Amy seemed to think the same thing, because she walked over and sat down on the tailgate, reins in her hand, and sighed. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. About not calling you,” she said, her voice quieter, softer than he remembered ever hearing it before. “I was a coward not to talk to you about what was going on.”
He waited while she took a deep breath, and for a brief moment he considered stopping her right there. If whatever she was going to say took a decade to come out, maybe he didn’t want to hear it. Maybe, if she never said anything, they could just start where they’d left off...
He brushed away the crazy idea. He needed to know.
“A few days after graduation, while you were gone on your family trip, I went to the doctor.”
His mind filled with possibilities, some of them terrifying, though none of them made sense. Was she sick? If she had been ill for the last decade, she certainly didn’t show it. She looked as beautiful as she had at seventeen, even more so, with the air of confidence she seemed to exude now, even when she was near tears.
Had she gotten pregnant? That seemed like an odd reason for her to run from him, since she would have known, even at that young age, that he would be more than happy to raise a child with her. They had been talking about having a family together nearly the entire time they were together.
His mind flitted back to illness. What if she was sick? Deathly sick? And he didn’t know?
He waited, the pit of his stomach tense, for what the doctor might have told her that had made her disappear from his life.
“I found out that I can’t have kids, Jack. Ever. I left because you deserved to be with someone who could give you the family you’ve always wanted.”
Jack felt a combination of pain and relief. He turned to look carefully at Amy. “But you’re not sick or anything?” he asked.
“Except for not being able to have children, I’m fine—”
“It’s you I cared about, Amy, not whether or not you can make babies. Hell, you’re adopted. You know better than anyone that there are other options, if we wanted kids.”
Jack had never felt so relieved, yet at the same time he was sad for all the years together they had lost. Sure, he’d wanted kids, but this was Amy. What he’d always wanted, more than anything, was her.
Amy still looked somber. “You say that now, Jack, and I know you would’ve said that then, but the years would have gone by and you’d have wished we could have children. Your children. Even if you didn’t, I’d always wonder if you did. I didn’t want that to fester underneath the surface, ruining our relationship.”
“So you left?” Jack asked, searching her face.
Amy looked away from his eyes. She seemed embarrassed. “I couldn’t break up with you. I know I never would’ve been able to make myself say the words to you. And since I couldn’t let myself stay with you, leaving felt like my only option. I’m sorry for doing that to you, Jack. I was a coward. You deserved better.”
At last, a great weight disappeared from Jack’s shoulders. After years of wondering, at least he knew the answers to all his unanswered questions. Now there still seemed to be one question left: Where did he go from there?
* * *
AMY SAT ON the tailgate, chilled by the early-morning breeze and by her own thoughts. She waited for him to say something that would give her a clue as to what he was thinking. If he despised her cowardice, wanted nothing to do with her, she deserved it. She wouldn’t run from it anymore. She patted the mare’s soft muzzle absentmindedly, waiting.
Finally, he spoke. “We should get your horse back to the barn,” he said, hopping off the tailgate and holding out his hand to her. “How about we walk there? I can come back for the truck.”
She was speechless for a moment. The unexpected friendliness, the opening of a door she thought long closed, surprised her. When she took his hand, however, its warmth and steadiness rushed through her, and the spark of recognition and comfort that flowed through the link made her smile. Her hand felt right nestled in