“I’d like to get a horse or two,” she said, prepared for an instant argument.
But Mitch said, “We could do that.” Then he added offhandedly, “It would be a good atmosphere for raising kids.”
It was the first time since she’d told him she was pregnant that he’d acknowledged the baby. She wondered how he would react when she told him the truth. Would it change his feelings for her? Make him dislike her a little less?
Probably not. Knowing Mitch, he would be even angrier, and hold it against her for the rest of her life. It would probably be in her best interest to at least wait until they had signed a mortgage to tell him the baby was really his. Just in case.
“Did you want to go to my appointment with me today?” she asked, unsure of what his reaction would be, and wondering how she would feel if he refused.
He was quiet for a moment, eyes on the road, then asked, “Do you want me to?”
She realized that yes, she did. Even though he didn’t know it yet, this was his baby and he shouldn’t miss out on anything. From the first prenatal visit to the birth, she wanted him to be there for every minute of it.
He hates you. He thinks you’re selfish and spoiled.
But if she denied him this opportunity, wouldn’t she be proving him right?
Before she could talk herself out of it, she told him, “I want you to.”
“Then I’ll come,” he said.
He reached over and turned the radio on to a country-western station, ending the conversation, yet she couldn’t help but feel as though they had made some sort of progress today. Although progress toward what, she wasn’t exactly sure.
The doctor’s appointment wasn’t at all what Mitch had expected. In fact, he hadn’t known quite what to expect.
He figured they would take her temperature and blood pressure, which they did, and she was asked to pee in a cup. Typical doctor-visit stuff. What he hadn’t been expecting was the internal exam.
Though he’d seen Lexi intimately on more than one occasion, and his first instinct was to do or say anything to annoy her, this just didn’t seem the place, so he turned his back while she stripped from the waist down and got up on the table.
Even though the process went quickly, he gained a whole new respect for what women had to endure during a routine exam. Between all the poking and prodding and the giant cotton swab the doctor used for God only knows what, he felt grateful to have outdoor plumbing.
Then the doctor pulled out a piece of equipment that looked a lot like some recreational sex apparatus. It was long and narrow with a cord coming out one end that was attached to a monitor.
“This is an internal ultrasound,” the doctor explained. “So we can get a better idea of the baby’s development.”
Lexi looked a little nervous so Mitch took her hand.
As the doctor inserted it, she gasped and said, “Cold,” then winced a little as he made adjustments. Suddenly, up on the monitor popped a hazy black-and-white image.
“There’s the fetus,” the doctor said, pointing to a white area on the screen. “And these are the arms and legs.”
Mitch didn’t see anything but a fuzzy blob at first, but as the doctor gestured to the different body parts, it began to take shape. With its oversize head and stubby appendages, it looked more alien than human.
“This flutter is the heartbeat,” the doctor told them.
“Can we hear it?” Lexi asked.
He turned the volume up and the rapid whoosh of the baby’s pulse filled the room.
Mitch had never even considered being a father, and here he was listening to his baby’s heartbeat, looking at its tiny form on a monitor.
Lance’s baby, he reminded himself.
In a way, he felt as though he was stealing something invaluable from his brother, an opportunity to see his child develop. But he was sure that Lance and Kate would eventually have children and he would experience it all with her. This might be Mitch’s only chance.
“Everything looks great,” the doctor told her. “I’ll see you in a month.”
When they were back in the car and on their way home, Lexi sat so quietly gazing out the window that Mitch began to think maybe something was wrong. He couldn’t help but ask, “Are you okay?”
“Seeing the baby, hearing the heartbeat. It suddenly seems so…real.”
She looked so dazed and bewildered he wondered if the weight of the responsibility was finally sinking in. Wouldn’t it be ironic if, now that he’d finally begun to accept the situation, she changed her mind and decided not to have it?
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
She looked over at him, surprise on her face. “No, of course not! I just…” She shrugged, then shook her head. “Never mind.”
“Tell me,” he said.
“You’ll just make fun of me.”
“I promise I won’t make fun of you.”
She studied him for a moment, as though she wasn’t quite sure she could trust him. Finally she said, “I guess I’m just a little…scared.”
He didn’t think Lexi was scared of anything, and was surprised that she would admit it to him, of all people. “Scared of what?”
“Being a bad parent. What if I do everything wrong?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say, “You probably will.” But he didn’t have the heart to knock her down when she looked so vulnerable and unsure of herself. She was opening up to him and he couldn’t use that against her. Besides, there was always the very slim, one in a million chance that she would be a good mother and stick around. Maybe he should give her the benefit of the doubt.
So she would only disappoint him later? What was the point?
“You’ll do the best you can,” he told her, wishing he actually believed it, but Lexi seemed to buy it because she smiled.
A minute later, he pulled into his driveway and cut the engine, but when he looked back over at Lexi she was frowning.
“What’s wrong now?” he asked.
She turned to face him, looking almost nervous. “Mitch, there’s something I need to tell you. Something you should know.”
He had no idea what she was going to say, but he had the feeling he wasn’t going to like it. “What?”
She hesitated, lip wedged between her teeth. Then she said, “About the baby…”
“What about it?”
“I thought you should know…”
She looked so nervous, he started to worry something was really wrong. “What are you trying to say?”
After another pause she finally said, “I just wanted to say thank you for coming with me today. For being a part of this.”
And here he’d thought it had been something important. Half a dozen snarky comebacks were just dying to jump out, but instead he said simply, “You’re welcome. Now, we better get inside and get ready or we’ll be late for dinner. I get the distinct feeling your father isn’t one to tolerate tardiness.”
She smiled and nodded. “That’s a fairly accurate assumption. I love my father, but to be honest, the sooner this evening is over and he flies back to D.C., the better, as far as I’m concerned.”