The sun filtered through the wooden blinds in the lounge room and striped his body in golden light. The grey cotton shirt clung to his contours, as did the boxers, moulding his powerful thighs. He had one leg bent up, his foot flat on the wall, and Rilla admired the shape of his knee and the manly covering of dark hair.
She dragged her gaze away and moved into the room, sinking down onto the bed. Luca had offered her a very reasonable solution to the baby situation. A reconciliation to give their baby the best option. A mother and a father living together under the same roof.
Only she wasn’t so sure such things should be entered into with such a lack of emotion. It seemed fraught with potential disaster. Their relationship scars from seven years ago still needled beneath the surface. Were they just leaving themselves open for more?
But it was no use. Deep down she knew she’d do it, despite all the reasons not to. Of course she could. Of course she would. Because this wasn’t about them. It was about their baby. And she’d do whatever it took to give it the best of everything.
She just needed to look at it as Luca did. Take herself and Luca out of the equation. Make it about the baby. Could she re-enter a stone-cold relationship for this baby? Of course she could. Like millions of women before her, she would put this child’s needs first. And Luca was right—their baby deserved two parents.
‘Julia said to take care and not to come back until you’re feeling better.’
Rilla looked up at Luca standing in the doorway, interrupting her train of thought. ‘You didn’t tell her, did you? About the baby?’
‘No,’ he said casually. ‘Would it have been so bad if I had?’
Rilla breathed a sigh of relief. ‘No, of course not. I just thought we’d wait for a bit, that’s all.’
She didn’t want to say, In case I have another miscarriage. She didn’t want to tempt fate. But it was a valid point. A dreadful one, sure, but entirely valid.
Rilla remembered how awful it had been last time, having to tell the people who’d known about the pregnancy that she’d lost the baby. Deflecting questions from people who hadn’t known, reliving the whole awful experience again and again as they’d apologised profusely.
Luca had avoided all the questions, walking around with a constant don’t-even-think-of-talking-to-me snarl on his face, throwing himself into his work, leaving her to face the multitudes. His lack of support had added to her burden and people’s well-meant concern had been like a constant rub of salt into her very raw wounds.
‘Until twelve weeks?’ he asked.
Rilla nodded. Entering the second trimester was an accepted milestone when the greatest miscarriage risk had passed. She’d lost the baby at eleven weeks last time.
‘I can have an ultrasound then and we can start to tell people. I’m just not sure what this will mean for the NUM job. I’d rather wait … be sure … before I let Julia know. The department will have to find someone to cover me for maternity leave. They may even want to appoint two of us to job-share the role when I’m ready to come back to work.’
Luca blinked. ‘You’ve obviously thought about this.’
‘Not really, just thinking out loud.’ Rilla’s mind ran over all the possibilities as they spoke.
‘So you plan on going back to work afterwards?’
Rilla narrowed her eyes, not fooled by his casual question.
‘Yes, Luca. You know my career is important to me. You know NUM has always been my goal. At some stage I’m going to want to pick up my career. I’ve worked too hard and too long to ditch it altogether.’
‘You want it all?’
His voice was flat and Rilla knew he didn’t mean it to sound like a criticism but it did. ‘Yes, Luca. Like you. Like a man. A career and a family. Why not?’
Luca ran a hand through his hair. She was right, of course, men were able to have it all. But that was a philosophical debate for another time. It was wrong and unfair but unfortunately that was largely the way it still was.
‘Because it never works out like that in the real world,’ he said, his voice flat.
Rilla nodded. He was right—she’d seen it so many times with her female colleagues. ‘Well, I want to give it a whirl, Luca. I’m not talking about full-time work here, certainly not for a long while anyway. And I know that may require compromise with the NUM role and it may end up that I’ll have bitten off more than I can chew. But I will want to return to part-time work. And later … who knows?’
‘But you don’t have to,’ Luca stressed, worried that Rilla was oversimplifying and setting herself up for a lifetime of spreading herself too thinly. Like his mother had. ‘I can look after you and the baby.’
‘I know.’ His black eyes were earnest and she could see it was important to him for her to know that.
Rilla didn’t know much about his childhood but it was obvious he’d felt his own father had been remiss in his responsibilities. ‘But I want to. I’m going to need your support, though, Luca. I can’t do it without you. Do I have it?’
‘You really want to go back to work after the baby’s born?’
‘Eventually, yes. I really do. That’s a deal breaker, Luca. I’m not entering into this crazy reconciliation unless I have your word that you’ll support me.’
Luca felt the first flutter of hope in his chest. She was sitting on the bed cross-legged, wearing his T-shirt and his underwear and carrying his child, and she looked pale and tired, and he knew that was to his advantage but he also knew he’d agree to almost anything.
He also knew, much to his regret, that he still wanted her. Her hair fell in thick disorder around her face and her long lashes drew him into the enticing amber trap of her eyes. The fascinating freckle at the corner of her mouth inevitably drew his gaze to the softness of her lips.
His shirt chose that moment to slip off a shoulder and he tracked the ridge of her collar-bone, his eyes drawn south to the way the cotton pulled taut across her braless chest, her nipples puckering beneath his gaze. Memories of how he had ravaged them a month ago returned, and his mouth watered.
Luca cleared his throat and tried to concentrate on the negotiations. ‘So you are agreeing to the reconciliation?’
‘If you agree to me returning to work.’
Her gaze glowed with conviction and he actually felt that if anyone could juggle motherhood and work, she could. ‘Of course,’ he murmured, his gaze slipping to her mouth, the freckle enticing. ‘You have my full support.’
Rilla felt the heat of his gaze and felt her nipples tighten further. Was it her hormonal state or did it feel hot in here suddenly? She tucked her knees under her chin, pulling Luca’s shirt down over them. This was a serious conversation and aroused nipples had no part to play. Even so, the feel of them squashed against her warm thighs didn’t ease the ache.
‘Thank you,’ she said, her breath annoyingly ragged.
Luca relaxed against the doorframe, his tense muscles smoothing out. ‘Can you move in immediately? Today, if possible?’
Rilla blinked. ‘Whoa! I thought we’d learned the not-rushing-in lesson.’
‘Please, Rilla, I don’t want to miss out on one day of the pregnancy.’
She sighed, completely undone by his emotive plea. She nodded slowly. What was the point in delaying any further now she’d agreed? She didn’t have the right or the heart to deny Luca the connection he craved with their baby.
‘I’ll make some arrangements later on