They’d been friends for almost ten years since meeting on their first day at nursing college. Kitty had been straight out of high school, Joe a couple of years older, having taken a gap year or two before starting university. They’d finished nursing together but had ultimately ended up going in different directions career-wise. She worked in the emergency department at the North Sydney Hospital and Joe had continued his studies and was now an intensive care paramedic. He was based at the ambulance station attached to the hospital, but even if they hadn’t ended up in such close proximity Kitty knew they would still have remained friends. In her opinion, everyone needed a Joe in their life. Someone dependable and loyal. He understood her and he never judged her.
Kitty checked out the unfamiliar woman who was under Joe’s arm and wondered who she was. A new girlfriend or just a friend? She hoped it was a new girlfriend. She didn’t want Joe to have other female friends. Girlfriends never stayed in his life for long and she was happy to tolerate them. She didn’t need to worry about them taking her position as his favourite. She knew he was in no hurry to settle down. He’d told her as much often enough, and she selfishly hoped he meant it. His parents had hardly instilled faith in him about the joys of matrimony or the sanctity of marriage and that pleased Kitty. She didn’t want to share him, and she worried that a serious relationship might mean he wouldn’t have room for her in his life any more. She needed him and she couldn’t imagine not having him in her life.
Joe spotted her as she made her way towards him and he smiled and removed his arm from the woman’s shoulders as he stepped forward to greet Kitty. Seeing him so casually separate himself from the woman gave her a tiny ping of satisfaction. New girlfriend or not, she was still more important.
‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ His smile brought out the dimple in his chin even further and his blue eyes sparkled. ‘I thought you said you couldn’t make it,’ he said as he looked over her shoulder. She knew who he was looking for even as he asked, ‘Where’s Mike?’
‘Out.’
‘What’s going on?’
Kitty heard the concern in his voice and that was enough to get the tears to well up in her dark brown eyes but she wasn’t going to explain her circumstances in front of a complete stranger. She shuffled from foot to foot as Joe excused himself from the women around him. He looped his arm over Kitty’s shoulder. ‘Come on. It looks like you could use a drink.’ He shepherded her across the room as he continued to talk, giving her time and space to get her own thoughts together. ‘Does Mike know you’re here?’
‘No.’ She shook her head as she replied and dislodged two fat tears that spilled from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand but she wasn’t fast enough to stop Joe from noticing.
‘What happened? He didn’t hit you, did he?’ Joe was looking at her carefully. She knew she looked like a mess. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes red-rimmed and her face was pale. She looked like a woman who’d fled without bothering to brush her hair or grab anything but her handbag.
‘No! It’s nothing like that.’ She was appalled that he might think she’d be in an abusive relationship. She knew he’d seen plenty of domestic violence cases in his role as a paramedic. She’d seen more than her fair share presenting to Emergency as well—too many—and they’d convinced her that she would never stay in a physically abusive relationship.
But what about an emotionally abusive one? After the initial honeymoon period in her relationship with Mike she was beginning to wonder if things were changing. And not for the better.
‘We had an argument.’ She had to admit that was what it was.
‘Well, I’m sure it won’t be the last one.’
‘I think it could be,’ she admitted. ‘I think we might be over.’ It was a scary thought. Kitty didn’t like being on her own. In fact, she dreaded it and she knew her fear of being alone often caused her to persevere with relationships for longer than she should, but this disagreement with Mike was likely to be the beginning of the end of their relationship. She knew she couldn’t stay with him unless he changed his mind.
Early on in their relationship she’d loved the fact that he’d wanted to be her everything. She’d been adrift, lonely, she’d wanted someone to lean on, to make decisions for her, someone who wanted to be all she needed, but did he only want to love her on his terms? Did he even love her? He must know how big a decision this was for her, how she needed his support. If he really was going to push her on this issue then maybe it was time she stood her ground. Staying with him just because it was better than being alone wasn’t a good enough reason any more. Not when there could be so much at stake. If she didn’t offer to be a surrogate now, Jess and Cam might never get the baby they wanted.
Kitty wanted to be loved but on her terms.
She needed to move on from this relationship. She was stronger now. She could be on her own.
She could do this.
She wanted to do this.
And if this worked out she wouldn’t be alone. She’d be pregnant. You couldn’t be less alone when you were physically attached to another human. A baby would fill all the empty, lonely spots in her heart, satisfy her need to be loved and to have someone to love in return. A baby could be the answer to so many prayers and the solution to so many problems.
A baby was just what her family needed.
* * *
Joe struggled to keep the smile off his face as he guided Kitty to one end of the bar where the crowd was marginally thinner. Even though he’d never pretended to like the guy, he had tolerated Mike for Kitty’s sake, but he wasn’t going to pretend that he’d be unhappy to see him gone from her life.
He held up two fingers, indicating his order, and waited for the barman to pour two beers. ‘Talk to me,’ he said as he handed a drink to Kitty. He couldn’t imagine what had brought this about but whatever it was he was grateful.
Kitty took a long sip of her beer. Joe could see her hand shaking. He’d seen her agitated, upset and emotionally fragile before, but lately she’d seemed to be getting back on top of things. Her life, while certainly not without its dramas and tragedies in the past, had been on a fairly even keel for the past few months and he’d thought she was doing well.
‘Jess and Cam want to have a baby,’ Kitty said.
‘Is that possible?’ he asked. A couple of years ago Kitty’s sister had been diagnosed with uterine cancer and Joe knew she’d undergone chemotherapy, and he thought the surgeon had performed a total hysterectomy.
‘Not in the traditional sense,’ Kitty confirmed, ‘but Jess froze her eggs before her treatment and now they want to have a baby. They need a surrogate.’
‘What’s that got to do with you and Mike?’ He couldn’t see how or why this would affect Kitty and Mike’s relationship but as Kitty looked up at him he could see the answer in her eyes. ‘You?’
Kitty nodded.
‘You want to be their surrogate?’ The penny dropped. ‘And Mike wasn’t happy about the idea?’
‘He doesn’t want me having another man’s baby.’
Joe could understand that. If Kitty was his girlfriend, he might even feel the same way. But he wasn’t