Guilt, maybe?
The hurt look on Macy’s face that morning had chased him throughout the day, especially when despite that hurt, she had wished him to stay safe.
Safe. A funny word.
For the eighteen years he had been in the military, he had regularly kept himself and his men safe. Not that there hadn’t been injuries or times when he had thought he’d never see home again. But through it all he’d kept his head and made sure each and every man had come home alive.
Coming home being so important except…
He didn’t feel safe here.
Being near Macy reminded him of all that his home lacked. Hell, it wasn’t even his home, but his dad’s, he thought, glancing around at the place where he had grown up and to where he returned after each tour of duty was over.
He rose from the couch and to the breakfast bar that separated the living room from the kitchen. A single bottle of bourbon sat on the bar and he poured himself a finger’s worth of the alcohol and returned to sit before the fireplace.
After a bracing sip of the bourbon, he winced and considered what it would be like to have his own home. Wondered what it would be like to have someone like Macy to come home to. Not that Macy would be interested because she hadn’t been interested eighteen years earlier.
Not to mention there was T.J. to consider.
As he had seen Macy and her son leave the police station the night before, he had thought, much as his brother and father had said, that what the boy needed was a strong man in his life to help set things straight.
He chuckled as amusement set in because he had no doubt that the headstrong and independent Macy would tan his hide for such a chauvinistic thought. Not to mention that it was ridiculous to consider that he might be that man. He wasn’t the kind to settle down into the whole home and hearth thing.
Of course, his brother Jericho hadn’t seemed like that kind of man either. He took another sip of the liquor, leaned his head back onto the couch cushions and considered his surprise at how happy his brother had looked marrying Olivia.
That look had confirmed to him that maybe his brother was the marrying type, but also that his brother’s plan to wed Macy had been totally wrong from the outset. For starters, you didn’t marry out of obligation and you sure shouldn’t plan on having a platonic relationship with your wife.
A bit of anger built inside of him at both his brother and Macy at that thought. Macy for relying on her friendship to even consider the marriage and at his brother for agreeing to it, especially since he couldn’t imagine lying next to Macy in bed and having it stay platonic.
His gut tightened at the thought of his kid brother making love to the only woman who had ever managed to break her way into his heart.
Since his mom had left, he hadn’t had much faith in women and had sealed shut his heart…until Macy had somehow slipped through a crack.
Of course, after her abandonment, he had walled off his heart from hurt once again, but the memory of her had stayed locked behind those barriers. And now with her involvement with Jericho, it had roused all those old memories.
Slugging back the last dregs of the bourbon, he rose from the sofa, went to the kitchen and washed the glass. Slipped it into the dish drain sitting there holding an odd assortment of china and cutlery.
A single man’s mix of mismatched items, he thought.
A woman would have made sure all the cutlery and plates were the same and that something wouldn’t be sitting in the dish drain for days. It would be washed, dried and put away in anticipation of the next family meal.
Like when Macy and T.J. sat down to their next meal, he thought, but couldn’t picture himself there beside them. She and T.J. had too many issues and it would be best for him to lay low until Jericho came home.
Once his brother returned, he would be back on his way to the Army, although he hadn’t decided whether it would be to another tour of duty in the Middle East or the instructor’s position at West Point.
The former was familiar, but he understood the importance of the latter. Even acknowledged how it could be a new adventure for him. A different mission.
Teaching up and coming officers was as significant as being out in the field with his men. After all, the nation needed excellent military men to lead and his many years of experience could help those cadets become better officers and save lives.
But as Fisher walked to his bedroom—the same one in which he’d slept as a child—he wondered if he would grow bored with living in one place and having the same basic daily routine. For nearly eighteen years he’d avoided that and he couldn’t imagine changing now unless…
It would take something really special for that kind of change, he realized as he stared at his cold and lonely single bed.
Fisher drove from his mind the picture of Macy waiting for him in that bed because he feared that maybe Macy could be that something really special to change his life.
As he undressed and slipped beneath the chilly sheets, he reminded himself that Macy needed more than a man in her life. Her son needed a father figure and once again it occurred to him that he wasn’t the right man for that job.
But as he drifted off to sleep, visions of her seeped into his dreams, reminding him of just how much he was missing in life.
Macy awoke tired and grumpy. Her night’s sleep—or lack of—had been dominated by thoughts of both Fisher and T.J.
None of her deliberations had been good, she thought as she and T.J. drove to the ranch. But then blushed as she remembered her dreams of making love with Fisher.
Of course, any pleasure had been wiped out by her son’s surly mood. That morning he had complained about how hard he and Joe had worked the day before until she had pointedly reminded him of how much it had cost for the speeding ticket and repairs.
His cold silence had replaced the complaints during the short ride to the ranch.
When they entered the house to share breakfast with the others, he became slightly more animated, taking a spot by Joe and Sara and striking up a conversation with them.
She watched their camaraderie and was more convinced than ever that Sara had something to do with the speeding and accident.
Her intuition was confirmed when she sat with Ana and Jewel and her boss leaned over and said, “Some of the kids mentioned that they thought Sara wasn’t home when the Sheriff phoned about the accident.”
“She was with the boys?” Ana asked softly, keeping her tone low so that the conversation would remain with them.
“I thought so. Boys, cars and girls just seem to create problems when you mix them together,” Jewel replied and took a sip of her coffee.
Macy ran a finger along the rim of her cup as she considered Jewel’s words, so similar to the thoughts she’d had herself. T.J. had been working hard on restoring the muscle car and quite proud of not only the vehicle’s looks, but the power beneath the hood. And even though she had thought that, she also sensed there was more to it.
Meeting her boss’s gaze, she said, “That may be true, but I would feel a lot more comfortable if we knew more about Sara. About why she’s here and why all three of them would be lying about her being with them that night.”
Jewel paused with her mug in midair, then