‘Nothing, nothing. The accommodation isn’t going to be 5-star luxury and at times it may feel far from home, especially after everything you’ve told me you’ve been through. My advice would be to keep your mind open and if it all gets too much then you must head to the Blue Butterfly Huts on this island here.’ She pointed to an ant-sized speck in the ocean off the larger Koh Phangan island called Koh Lanta. ‘They’ll look after you.’
An hour, nearly a full pack of biscuits and a few more cups of tea later, we had everything finalised; I was booked onto the six-week tour leaving in ten days! I didn’t want to worry about what I’d do once that was over and I was back here again. Stop trying to make plans for the future and just, for once, go with the flow. Trisha helped me apply for a fast-tracked Thai visa, sorted my travel insurance, booked me in for a few immunisations and gave me a list of all the things I needed to buy and pack. My cheeks were hurting from smiling; there was no going back now.
OM effing G! Georgia Green was going travelling.
Eleutheromania (n.) An intense and irresistible desire for freedom
This evening was my leaving party, and also the first time I’d seen my mum since our slight disagreement over the phone last week when I’d come clean about my travel plans.
‘Georgia Louise Green.’ Oh God. She’d full-named me. ‘Why, when I called your work phone, did some rude woman tell me you’d been fired?’
I was transported back to being 11 years old, to when I’d accidently broken two of my mum’s china dogs that stood proudly on each end of the mantelpiece. I’d been dancing slightly too energetically to the Spice Girls album, trying to perfect Sporty Spice’s high kick, when my heel took out the left dog. In an effort to hide the evidence, I figured my mum would be less likely to notice if both were smashed and hidden in the bin. Genius logic. What I forgot was that my mum has the nose of a bloodhound sniffing out any change in her surroundings. I’d been grounded for a week and had to save a month’s worth of pocket money to replace them.
‘I haven’t been fired, no I, erm, quit,’ I replied, hoping she was sat down. OK so that was only a half-truth but I needed to rein in some control over this messy situation called my life.
‘What?!’ My mum’s shrill tones screamed down the line, forcing me to hold the phone away from my ear.
‘I need to have a change of scene and get out of Manchester for a while. You know I wasn’t happy in my job and it wasn’t going anywhere, so I quit.’ I felt like I was being interrogated over the china dogs all over again. Where did you put its right paw? What happened to its left ear?
‘I’d hoped this hoity-toity lady was wrong and this was all a misunderstanding.’ She paused, collecting her thoughts. ‘So what are you going to do? Please tell me you have another job lined up?’
‘I’m going to travel.’ I didn’t wait for her reaction as I continued, feeling braver with every word. ‘I’ve bought a plane ticket to Thailand. I’m going to go and see the world, Mum.’ There was silence on the other end of the phone, punctuated by a deep sigh.
‘Oh, Georgia. I thought you said all that was just a silly game you played with Marie, not that you were going to go and actually do it! I understand you’ve been through the wringer, but gallivanting off is not the answer. You can’t run away from the past. It will always find you.’
‘Mum, I’m not running from but running to. I’m changing my life. Surely you want me to be happy? And I really think by going out there to see the world, I will be,’ I said, full of confidence and a little bit of fear, having never been so forward with her before.
‘But…but how on earth will you survive? You’ve never done anything on your own!’
I flinched at that comment. It was one hundred percent true of course but it still stung that I hadn’t been more independent in my twenty-eight years. I’d never have been accepted into Destiny’s Child, I was a let-down as a Spice Girls fan. ‘I’ll be fine, Mum. People say you should treat strangers as friends you haven’t met yet.’ I tried to ignore the thought of the pulsating vein on the left side of her temple that would be throbbing at this conversation.
‘Yes, but they also say one in three murder victims know their killer,’ she blustered. ‘You know this world is a dangerous place and all me and your father have ever wanted was to keep you safe. We can’t do that from the other side of the world. I’ll not be able to sleep a wink every night you’re away – have you thought about that?’
‘Actually, Mum, I want to think about myself. Just me, for once in my life.’ There was silence on the line. Immediately I regretted biting her head off.
‘Well…well, OK then. I just hope for your sake you don’t end up regretting this silly holiday. Anyway, I need to go.’ With that she hung up, leaving me breathless, staring into the white noise in shock.
I hadn’t heard from her since then, but my dad had been sending me the odd secretive supportive text message. #DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR MUM. YOU GO FOR IT KIDDO. LOL. He clearly didn’t know what a hashtag was but the thought was there, in all its shouty glory.
‘You nervous about tomorrow then?’ Marie asked in the taxi as we made our way to the Chinese restaurant.
‘Yeah.’ I pulled a face. ‘A little! Although I think I’m more excited than terrified.’
‘I bet! Excited about all the hot men you’re going to meet?’ She winked and passed Cole his Sophie the giraffe toy he’d chucked on the floor.
‘Is that all you think about?’ I rolled my eyes. I don’t know what was with Marie but at the moment she was like a dog on heat, more obsessed with men than I’d ever seen her before.
‘Not all I think about.’ She stuck her tongue out which made Cole laugh. ‘But you must have imagined the tanned hunks, from all over the world, that will be backpacking too? You have to admit that there’s something sexy about a guy going off to explore the world, to face the unknown, unafraid of challenges and obstacles in his path,’ she sighed. ‘So manly and adventurous.’
‘Like Stevie,’ I said before clapping my hand to my mouth stopping myself. Where had that come from?!
‘Stevie?’ Marie turned to face me. ‘Who’s Stevie?’ Her eyes were glowing with excitement.
I shook my head quickly. ‘Forget I said it.’ I blushed.
‘Err, come on! Out with it, if you’re keeping some man gossip from me, Miss Green, I swear I’ll make you walk the rest of the way there.’
‘OK, OK! But listen, I’m sorry to disappoint you but there’s no gossip. I don’t even know anything about him.’ She looked confused.
‘OMG, wait, are you online dating! Swiping left on Tinder?’ she gushed excitedly getting her phone out of her handbag.
‘No!’ I shuddered at the thought. ‘Stevie’s the godson of Trisha, you know the lovely lady I booked my tour with?’ Marie nodded. ‘Anyway, in her shop I’d seen these postcards from, like, all over the world and I read one.’
Marie looked visibly deflated. ‘Postcards?’
‘Yeah, from all these cool places. Anyway, I read one by accident and he just sounded so lovely and like you said, adventurous, caring, kind, exciting.’ I pulled myself to a stop and cleared my throat. Marie was now staring quizzically at me with a sly smile on her bright