He started to answer me but broke into a cough so loud and hacking that I thought maybe I was going to have to catch his lung if it flew out of his mouth. I settled for patting him on the back until he waved me away.
“Stop it. I’m fine.”
“You sound the opposite of fine.”
“I think I’m just coming down with a cold or something.” He cleared his throat and rubbed the center of his chest like it hurt. “I don’t know Rome as well as the rest of the boys. He had it okay at home, his relationship with his folks was nowhere near as contentious as Rule’s was. I know he loved those brothers of his and took care of them like it was his God-given mission from birth. They were a solid unit and I was glad when he took Nash into that fold. It didn’t surprise me when he enlisted, or that things got rough when the folks let the truth out about Remy. Rome was always going out of his way to play hero for his little brothers, I’m sure it stung something fierce to find out one of them was protecting him all along.”
“I don’t get it. Why would anyone have cared if Remy was gay if they all loved him so damn much?”
“It wasn’t that. Rome would have tried to stand between Remy and the rest of the world, he wouldn’t have tolerated anyone trying to say anything bad about his baby brother, regardless if Remy needed the help or not. I think he was saving Rome from himself by not telling him the truth, but knowing someone you loved so fiercely kept such a huge secret from you is rough. You know that, Tink.”
I did know that, but I was so used to fighting my battles alone that the idea of having someone love me as unconditionally as that was pretty foreign. I mean my dad loved me, but he didn’t necessarily protect me. I knew my friends here would die for me, would stand between me and anything that wanted to hurt me, but I was always the one that charged headfirst into most situations, regardless of the blowback that tended to end up on me. There were times when I wondered if I was going to be too much for them to take.
“He comes across very intense.”
“He’s a guy that has been at war for too long. I’m sure that’s left its mark.”
I thought about that scar that cut across his forehead, marring an otherwise beautiful example of masculine perfection. The marks that had been left on him from that life weren’t just the ones on the inside, I guessed.
Another round of coughing broke through my thoughts and I scowled at Phil as fiercely as I could to let him know that I meant business.
“You need to get that checked out. It sounds terrible.”
“Yeah, yeah, as soon as I find the time. It’s just a little tickle.”
“No, it’s not. It sounds like you have the Black Plague.”
He shook his head at me and bent over to give me a little kiss on the cheek.
“You worry too much. You take care of those boys, I can take care of myself.” He lifted a dark eyebrow at me. “While you’re at it, why don’t you find someone to take care of you? That would make your old man so damn happy.”
I snorted and went to grab my purse and cell phone from the drawer I kept them in while I worked. I was trying, but everyone came up short. It was hard to trust someone enough to let them all the way in when I didn’t think they deserved to be there.
“Nobody fits the bill. Everyone keeps telling me my expectations are too high.”
“Are they?”
We walked out the front door and I hit the last of the lights. I folded against Phil as he tugged me into a tight one-armed hug. I tried to fight down a swell of panic when I realized I could feel his ribs through his shirt. He was typically a solid guy, this wasn’t good.
“My expectations are what they are. I’m never going to end up in a situation like I did with Jimmy again.”
“Ah, honey, you gotta get over that burn. It was a long time ago. It should all be scar tissue by now and there are plenty of good, if not great men out there, and not a single one of them is going to come wrapped up in a bow of perfection.”
“I expect a lot because I deserve a lot.”
“That you do, Tink, but you also gotta keep your eyes open or the right one is going to pass you by because you were too busy looking for the white whale.”
Again, against my will, my thoughts flipped to Rome Archer. I had told Nash that the older Archer was as far from perfect as I could imagine and I wasn’t lying. He was moody, unpredictable, and I had a feeling that he was dealing with some baggage that even I couldn’t help tackle. However, by all accounts he was also loyal to a fault, steadfastly honorable, and I had firsthand knowledge that he appeared to be honest and up-front about what he was feeling. There would be no guessing where you stood with the big guy, and something about that was alarmingly appealing.
Jimmy had been tall, not nearly as tall as Rome, but a lot taller than me. He had also had ink from his neck to his toes and had been pierced in all the most fun places. He wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous like Rowdy, unforgettable like Rule, even just handsome like Nash, or rock-and-roll sexy like Jet. He was just a guy, and I had loved him beyond measure. But now, looking back on things, I was beginning to wonder if maybe I had been selling myself short because Rome was most definitely the most attractive guy I had ever seen up close and personal and he thought I had pretty eyes. Jimmy had never told me I had pretty anything. Rome felt dangerous and exciting at the same time even if perfect was nowhere in the picture. It made me all kinds of tingly and that was more than anyone else had done since Jimmy broke my heart.
Rule looked pissed when I finally pulled myself away from Cora and made my way outside. I wasn’t looking forward to this little chat and flirting with the blonde was a great distraction. While she had been occupied with something on the computer I slipped in the front door and watched her unnoticed for a few minutes. She wasn’t my type. I didn’t normally go for girls that were so tiny. I liked them built sturdy and able to handle everything I had to give them. I wasn’t a huge fan of all the ink and metal. I was used to it because my brother was covered in it and I had to admit that I liked the snowflakes that Shaw had across her neck and shoulders, but it wasn’t my thing. I had enough permanent marks forever etched in my skin that I had never asked for and I couldn’t imagine voluntarily adding any more. In fact I wasn’t thrilled about the new addition on my head, considering that since I wore my hair so short, the bald spot from the scar was bound to show.
Cora was different. She didn’t come across as delicate even though she probably only reached my chest when we stood toe-to-toe. Her eyes were outstanding. I had never seen anything like them; the dual colors were unique in themselves, but the fact that whatever she was feeling literally ran from one color to the next was fascinating. I had never met a woman that transparent or that open with her emotions before. It was like she had zero artifice in her. She was also damn cute. Not beautiful or stunningly pretty, but she was cuter than any girl with that much attitude had a right to be, and somehow the bouquet of flowers that colored her skin in every shape and variety seemed like it belonged there. Even the pink eyebrow ring and the little gauges in her ears didn’t distract from the fact that she was pretty much a hot little number all around.
I had to drag my attention to my brother when I could feel the heat of his anger blazing off the distance separating us. His icy eyes were hard and I knew simply throwing out a generic apology wasn’t going to cut it.
“Rule, I’m sorry.” I took my hat off and rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m sort of spiraling out of control right now and I don’t want you to get caught up in it.”
“Well, I am, and more importantly Shaw is, and I’m not down with that at all.”
I cringed.