“I’ve never wanted anything more than I want your forgiveness,” he said. “I know you’re angry. And you have every right to be. But these past few days without you have been the worst days of my life. I still love you. And I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. If that means we’re not together for a few months, so be it, but I need to know I’ve got a reason to hope. Hell, if you want to have an affair to even the score, do it if that’s what you need to do. Do it and then come back to me and let’s move on.”
“So now you want to pimp me out to someone else?” I asked, aghast at the suggestion.
“No! Of course not. But I hurt you. Maybe in a situation like this you need to hurt me back.”
“You need to go now.”
“I don’t want to leave. Not like this.”
“Now.”
Andrew stared at me, but my hard expression gave him no cause for hope. Sighing in frustration, he turned. He made the short walk to the hall table where he’d deposited his keys, scooped them up, then walked past me to the front door.
The moment the front door clicked shut, I hurled the mug against the fridge, shattering it into a thousand pieces.
5
I was on my second glass of wine when I called Marnie.
“Hello?” she said sweetly.
“It’s only me, Sophie, not TRULYACUTIE.”
“Hey, Soph.”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing special.”
“Good. Then we should go out. Somewhere hot and happening. Maybe even CityWalk at Universal Studios, where all the tourists go hoping to get laid.”
“You all right?”
“But you’ll have to pick me up, okay? Cuz I’m already drinking and a little fucked-up.”
“Sophie—”
“Whenever you’re ready.” I hung up.
Forty minutes later, Marnie was at my door. “Hey, girl!” I trilled, and pulled her into a hug. “Ready to party?”
Breaking the hug, she took a step backward and eyed me with concern. “What the heck is going on?”
“You mean besides the news that Andrew’s slut is suing him for five million dollars?”
Marnie stepped into the house and closed the door behind her. “Oh, my God.”
“No, it’s fine.” I waved off her concern. “I’ve got it all figured out. Andrew can go live with her so she doesn’t sue him for everything, and I can fuck someone else—with my husband’s blessing, even.”
“Okay, you’re making no sense.”
“Time’s a-wasting.” I wiggled my hips. “Let’s go par-tay!”
Marnie took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen, where she deposited me on a chair at the table.
“What are you doing?” I protested.
“First of all, it’s five-thirty, way too early to go partying. Secondly, you’re drunk. And third, you need to back the fuck up and explain what you just said. Andrew is being sued?”
My false bravado crumbled, and I burst into tears. Of course, the wine I’d consumed helped my tears flow a little easier.
I told Marnie everything that Andrew had told me. She got a box of Kleenex off of the nearby counter and put it in front of me. I pulled out a wad, wiped my eyes and blew my nose.
“I’m sorry you have to go through all this shit,” Marnie said.
“The good news is, he still loves me and still wants our marriage.” I snorted in derision. “Lucky me.”
Marnie rolled her eyes. “What is it with men? They can have affairs and we’re supposed to be grateful when they decide they still want us?”
I blew my nose again.
“Can I get you anything?” Marnie asked. “And no, not more wine. How about coffee?”
“Okay.” I nodded. “That’ll sober me up until we go out later.”
“You still want to go out?”
“Absolutely. I need to listen to music, dance. Drink some more.” At the mention of alcohol, my stomach turned. “And eat something,” I quickly said. “Something starchy, like bread or crackers. Popcorn! Do you mind making some?”
“Popcorn?” Marnie sounded surprised.
“It’s in the second cupboard from the right.”
“Okeydoke.”
First, Marnie set about making a fresh pot of coffee. Then she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and, three minutes later, she was pouring it into two bowls. She passed one to me and put the other one at her place on the table. The popcorn taken care of, she poured two cups of coffee.
“You want cream and sugar?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Right now, I need it black.”
Carrying both mugs of steaming black coffee, Marnie rejoined me at the table.
“Thank you,” I told her. “What would I do without you?”
“Lucky for you, you don’t have to find out.”
I sipped the coffee. It was strong. Perfect. “Take my mind off my problems—tell me about your date.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Do you like TRULYACUTIE?”
“I do. I wasn’t expecting anything, but there was a little spark. I think. At least on my part.”
“Have you talked today?”
“No. But he said he’d call. Or e-mail. However—” She grinned, then reached across the table to give my hand a comforting squeeze. “I already turned off my cell phone, because tonight, you and I are hanging out.”
I smiled softly as I squeezed her hand in return. I could always count on Marnie. I’d learned that in eighth grade when she’d let me copy her answers on a math quiz after I’d forgotten to study. The teacher had caught her angling her paper towards me and, as a result, flunked us both. Instead of being unhappy, Marnie had shrugged off the incident, saying, “If you can’t help your friends, what good are you?”
That sealed the deal for me, and we’d been best friends ever since.
Marnie’s expression suddenly grew wistful. “I know you still love Andrew. How can you not? Unfortunately, our hearts don’t come with an on/off switch. But sweetie, you deserve better, and with what he’s putting you through…I’d be seeing a divorce lawyer. Like yesterday.”
I nodded, but I only half agreed. What Marnie said about me deserving better was true, I knew that. But she was also right about our hearts not having an on/off switch.
Life wasn’t black and white. Love wasn’t black and white. I didn’t know if I’d ever stop loving Andrew. But just because I might always love him didn’t mean we had to be together.
“You want to know what the icing on the cake is?” I asked after a moment. “Andrew told me that if I wanted to, I could have an affair to even the score.”
Marnie stopped chewing her popcorn. “What?”
“How thoughtful of him, huh?”
“Right,” Marnie