My mother’s mouth flopped open.
‘We had dinner the other night with a tiger?’
‘Remember what Leo told you — that he’s about the only normal human member of the household? He’s right,’ I said.
‘John is a turtle. The Tiger, Bai Hu, is a white tiger. Gold is a rock, Jade is a dragon — you saw her. Simone is half Shen; she may take some sort of animal form when she grows up but she’s the first human child John’s ever had so it’ll be interesting to see what she grows into. Michael is half Shen too, half tiger, being the Tiger’s son. He may be able to transform too.’
‘All right. So why were you a snake, love? You’re one of us,’ my father said.
I ran my hands through my hair. ‘I honestly don’t know. The whole thing has me really worried.’
‘The lady last night,’ my father said. ‘What was her name?’
‘Kwan Yin. Goddess of Mercy.’
‘She said that being with him has changed you,’ my father said.
‘Has it?’
‘Frankly?’ my mother said. ‘Yes.’
‘In what way?’
My parents shared a look. My father shrugged. They both smiled slightly at me.
‘You have no idea at all,’ I said.
Neither of them said anything. ‘Would you say that I’m more cold-blooded?’
My mother shifted. ‘I wouldn’t say that you’re cold-blooded, dear —’
‘Yes,’ my father said. ‘You always were a bit of a heartless bitch, but now you seem even more heartless.’
My mother was horrified. ‘Brendan!’
‘Last night, when we were threatened by those things. She was only worried about Simone; she didn’t even seem to notice us. When that black guy, Leo, said he wanted to die for them, what did she say? “Fight well.”’ He turned to me. ‘You were quite happy to let him go in front of you and die, Emma.’
‘So was John.’
‘Yeah. He’s unbelievably cold-blooded too.’
‘You don’t know everything about Leo, Dad. He’s terminally ill, he has AIDS. For him, to die on the battlefield protecting us would be the greatest thing in the world. I sincerely hope he doesn’t die in a hospital bed. He deserves much better.’
‘Oh my God,’ my mother said softly, her eyes wide.
‘Are you worried about catching it?’ I said. ‘I thought I knew you better than that.’
My mother snapped out of it and focused on me. ‘You just said that you hope he doesn’t live as long as he can, that you hope he can die sooner, in a fight. You really are cold-blooded.’
‘She is learning our ways and attaining the Tao,’ the stone in my ring said. ‘She is becoming detached and part of the One.’
My parents cast around, bewildered.
‘Who spoke?’ my father said. ‘Sounded like an Englishman.’
I showed them the ring. ‘The stone talks. And I wish it would shut up sometimes.’
‘My Lady, your mother has a headache and needs her morning caffeine hit, and your father is starving,’ the stone said. ‘Stop talking their ears off and take them to have some breakfast.’
‘He’s right,’ my father said ruefully.
‘Do not refer to me as he!’ the stone snapped. ‘Gender is reserved for you animals. We stones are above that sort of weakness. I don’t know why I give you the benefit of my wisdom when you insult me so casually.’
‘Come on, guys,’ I said, rising from the couch and opening the door to lead them out. ‘Why do you put up with that, Emma?’ my father said. ‘I’d be throwing that bloody thing down the toilet.’
I sat my parents down at the kitchen table. ‘Where’s Simone?’ I asked Ah Yat.
Ah Yat concentrated a moment. ‘Miss Simone and Master Leo are in the training room together.’
‘And Lord Xuan?’
‘Right here,’ John said from the doorway. He came in and sat at the table across from my mother. ‘Morning, Brendan, Barbara. Tea, tikuanyin,’ he ordered without looking at Ah Yat. Ah Yat busied herself with the teapot while my mother’s coffee infused.
I glared at him. ‘Stand up.’
His face went rigid and he didn’t move.
‘Celestial Highness Emperor Xuan Wu of the Dark Northern Heavens, you stand up right now,’ I said.
His face went wry and he rose, pushing his chair back.
I moved as close as I could to him while still remaining safe. He towered over me, a good head taller. His long hair was already coming out from its tie. It was more than four months since his last energy session with Ms Kwan and he was running low. He looked in his late forties; his hair had turned grey at the temples. He smiled slightly at me and his eyes wrinkled up.
I pointed at his black cotton pants. ‘They were new. Leo bought them only a couple of weeks ago.’
He glanced down. They already had a hole in the left knee.
‘You did that deliberately to annoy me, didn’t you?’ I said fiercely. ‘To get me back for throwing those old ones away. I told you not to wear them for Short Weapons.’
He threw himself down again and pulled his chair closer to the table. Ah Yat presented him with the tea and he poured for himself. ‘I am a creature of my word, and it was an accident,’ he said. He turned to my parents. ‘Has she always been this impossible?’
‘You are absolutely the scruffiest Immortal I have ever met,’ I huffed. ‘I’m surprised your Celestial Form is so tidy. Your armour doesn’t have any holes in it. Why do your clothes?’
‘That is extremely good coming from you,’ John said mildly. ‘Look at your jeans.’
I glanced down at my jeans and felt my face redden. I pulled a chair out and sat next to my father. ‘I didn’t know that was there.’
‘My Lord Mr Donahoe, my Lady Mrs Donahoe, what may I prepare for you?’ Ah Yat said.
‘Just Brendan, and if you have any cornflakes that’d be great. Otherwise, whatever’s going,’ my father said.
‘Just some fruit and toast, please,’ my mother said.
Ah Yat nodded, smiled, and disappeared. Both my parents jumped.
‘No cornflakes,’ I said. ‘She’s gone to buy you some.’
‘Speaking of armour, I must have some made for you,’ John said. ‘Don’t worry about it. Right now, every attack’s an ambush so there’s no point,’ I said. ‘And how come I came back with clothes on last night? I shouldn’t have been able to conjure them.’
‘What are you talking about?’ my father said.
‘When we transform, we lose the clothes. Of course,’ John said.
‘The Tiger loves it,’ I cut in. ‘Shocking exhibitionist.’
‘Anyway,’ John said, glaring at me, ‘we conjure the clothes when we return to human form.’
‘But I shouldn’t have been able to do that,’ I said.
‘Obviously the Serpent in you could,’ John said. ‘The stone was right: we must start some more advanced training