‘I do but lots of people work weekends and the world doesn’t end. Actually, it would be more likely to end if they didn’t. Anyway, I’ve only got today and Monday left with the lovely Ess, I think I can manage that.’
I thought I could, I wasn’t absolutely certain.
‘Then I ought to get this out the way while you’re in what passes for a good mood,’ Amy said. ‘I’m definitely not going to be home for Christmas.’
‘Oh.’
‘Obviously it would have been better if Kekipi wasn’t dead set on this bloody New Year’s Eve wedding but he’s been such a bridezilla about the whole thing and Domenico was insistent that they had to get married in Italy and we could only get the Park Avenue Armory on the twenty-third so we were kind of stuck with all the dates.’
‘Oh.’
‘Between the presentation on the twenty-third and flying to Milan for the New Year’s wedding, going anywhere else in between is just impossible – I’ll have so much to clear up on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. You know they only take Christmas Day as holiday here?’
‘Makes sense.’
I wondered whether or not I still had the receipt for her Christmas present so I could take it back and swap it for a sackful of coal.
‘I completely understand.’
‘But here’s what I was thinking …’ Amy was still talking, the strain in her voice breaking into a familiar giddiness. ‘You should come here!’
‘To New York?’
‘To New York!’ Amy confirmed. ‘It would be amazing. I miss you so much and Al and Kekipi would love for you to be here at Christmas. God knows how I’ve managed this long without you, so please come? I need you!’
‘No you don’t,’ I replied. ‘You’ve done everything by yourself so far. You’re going to be fine.’
I looked up at a snowman hanging from the telephone pole above me. His big white bum shone yellow in the smog but the bulbs had gone in his top half and nobody had bothered to replace them. His cheery grin and corncob pipe were lost in the drizzle and the whole effect was really rather sad.
‘All right, I might not need you but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come,’ she replied. ‘I want you there. I want you to see the presentation – we’re using your photos and I know you got an invitation – and take me for drinks when I’m crowing on about how amazing I am to anyone who will listen. Tess, Christmas in New York – you know you want to.’
I did. Amy knew I’d always wanted to go to New York but I’d never had the time, Amy could never afford it and Charlie hated to fly, so year after year, it had passed me by. But New York for Christmas … I had a sudden vision of myself, wrapped up in a cosy coat, mitten in mitten with Amy, buzzed on good cocktails, laughing with Kekipi and getting a grandfatherly hug from Al.
God, it was tempting. It would definitely be better than curling up on the settee with my family, drinking five cups of tea and putting away an entire box of half-price Christmas chocolates. Well, the chocolate part didn’t sound that bad but the rest of it sounded incredibly depressing. And all too familiar.
‘Well?’ Amy was as impatient as ever. ‘Unless you’ve been stunned into silence by my genius, this is the part where you’re supposed to make agreeing noises. Wow, Amy! What a good idea, Amy! I’m on my way, Amy!’
‘I want to come,’ I said, having already talked myself out of it. It was way too expensive, it was way too far, I didn’t even have any mittens – and what if Veronica got me more work? ‘But I’m saving for somewhere to live. And you’re supposed to be working, aren’t you? I know it’s going to come as a shock to you but you’re expected to do it nearly every day.’
‘You can put it on your credit card and I will be working,’ she protested. ‘I have had this job for over four months now, titface, surely that calls for a celebration?’
‘New record,’ I said with a heap of approval. ‘I’m proud.’
‘I’m good at it,’ she replied simply. ‘Come on, Tess, it would be awesome. I hate being here without you, it feels weird. I had my knickers on inside out all day yesterday and I didn’t have anyone to tell. I need you.’
I smiled in spite of myself.
‘And what would I do with myself while you’re swanning around New York being the world’s most amazing … you?’ I asked, all my features pinching together as I tried to remember what her job title was supposed to be.
Amy cackled triumphantly.
‘I’m the Vice President of Special Projects,’ she said. ‘Can you even effing believe it? Kekipi came up with it, he’s amazing. It was that or Head Bitch in Charge and he said I couldn’t have that title because that was him.’
It was impressive. The most special project Amy had worked on before now was the time she tried to work out if you could make toast with an iron.
Amy made a huffing sound down the line. ‘And if I’m not enough to tempt you, there’s at least one other really good reason for you to come over here.’
My ears prickled and I felt my entire body tense up. She didn’t even need to say his name, I only had to think it.
‘Unless you’re about to say “hot dogs” I don’t want to hear it, Amy,’ I warned her.
‘OK, don’t be mad at me,’ she began, knowing I would immediately get mad. ‘But I did a bit of internet stalking and, you know, as luck would have it, someone else is in New York as well.’
‘Is it Michael Fassbender?’ I asked, refusing to play along.
‘I know you’re going to say you don’t care but we both know you do and what harm could it do to say hello if you’re in the same city coincidentally and don’t tell me you’re over it because you’re not and it’s horrible and I hate it.’ She barely broke for breath, afraid I would cut her off. ‘You should call him. What harm can come of saying hello?’
So much harm, I thought.
‘Tess?’
‘I’ve got to go,’ I lied. ‘I’m just about to get on the Tube, I’m late for something.’
‘For what? Get on a plane and come to New York.’
‘I’ve got to go,’ I repeated. She didn’t need to know the only place I had to be was in bed with a six-pack of Wotsits but I just didn’t have an answer for her that wasn’t hysterical sobbing and I didn’t think anyone fancied sitting opposite a crazy person on the Tube. Well, not any more than usual.
‘I think you should call him,’ she said. ‘I think you should pick up the phone and say, “enough of this radio silence, you wankpaddle, we need to talk.”’
‘OK, really going now,’ I told her, blocking out all her arguments. ‘I’ll talk to you later. Love you.’
I dropped my phone back in my bag, wincing at a regrettable thunk as it hit my camera.
The camera Charlie had given me.
It was funny to think about it now, but if he hadn’t given me this camera, I might never have gone to Milan. And if I’d never gone to Milan, he and I might be together. Amy would still be in London and none of this would be happening.
It was Amyisms like ‘get on a plane and come to New York’ that made me miss him the most. Before, I would have gone over to his flat and told him all about my day, he would have made fun of Ess, we would both have laughed and then one of us would have made a cup of tea and put the telly on and everything would have been fine. With Amy all the way in New York and Paige so wrapped up in her work and her love life, I’d been feeling so alone. Which was silly,