He’d seen fear, he was sure of it.
‘It’s gone.’ The voice of their patient sounded absurdly cheerful. ‘The pain’s completely gone.’
No. Luke rocked back on his heels, his gaze seeking Ana’s again.
Charles might well be feeling fine but Luke had the horrible feeling that, for himself, the pain had only just begun.
ANAHERA WASN’T LOOKING back at Luke and it felt like deliberate avoidance.
She had the nasal cannula hanging from her hands, one end attached to the oxygen cylinder, the other end ready to loop around their patient’s ears, and she was looking at Sam.
‘Keep really still for a tick, mate. I’m going to get a twelve-lead ECG printed out and then we’ll see what’s what.’
There were a few seconds’ silence as the life pack captured a snapshot of the electrical activity of the heart and then printed out the graph. Luke looked around, as if he needed to remind himself of why he’d come here when he’d known about the risk. Okay, he’d thought that the worst he would face would be the memories but there’d always been the possibility that Ana might have come home again, hadn’t there? He’d pushed it aside. He was only going to be on the island for a couple of days, in the company of his professional colleagues and a good friend. He wouldn’t be facing anything he couldn’t handle.
But here he was. Facing something he had no idea how to handle.
Anahera was afraid of him?
He’d hurt her that badly?
An unpleasant crawling sensation began to fill that space in his chest. He felt like a jerk. A complete bastard.
His gaze had tracked the other conference attendees standing in a sombre group waiting to hear the verdict on Charles Ainsley’s chest pain but he ended up looking at Anahera again. This time her head was bent close to Sam’s as they both studied the ECG. He could hear her voice.
‘There’s no sign of any ST segment elevation. I can’t see any depression that might show myocardial ischaemia either, can you?’
She was speaking softly, her tone measured. He hadn’t even remembered hearing her speak like this, maybe because the memory of the last time he had spoken to her had been so very different.
She’d been so angry that he’d finally tracked her down and called her while she’d been on shift at that hospital in Brisbane.
‘What’s the problem, Luke? Is London a bit boring? You feel like cheating on your wife again?’
She hadn’t been about to let him say any of the things he’d wanted to say.
‘I don’t want to hear it. I never want to hear from you again. Ever …’
The anger had been contagious in the end. She’d hated him. How could love turn to hate as decisively as if a coin had been flipped?
It couldn’t. That had been the conclusion Luke had come to. It couldn’t happen if the love had been real. Yes, you could throw the coin in the air but there was magic in real love and the coin would always land the right side up.
He could never hate Anahera. Not in a million years. He would have given her the chance to explain. He would have listened.
And forgiven her anything.
Even now, he could forgive the way she was deliberately avoiding his gaze. How could he not when he’d seen that fear in her eyes?
‘It’s looking good, isn’t it?’ Charles was smiling. ‘I told you it was only indigestion.’
‘It’s more likely it was angina, given how quickly it’s gone with the GTN.’
‘In any case, I’m fine.’ Charles began to peel off the electrodes. ‘I’m sorry to have given everyone a fright. It’s my fault for forgetting my spray.’
‘Keep this one,’ Sam said. ‘I’d still like to run some more tests. I’ve got a bench top assay for cardiac biomarkers. If I take a blood sample, I can pop into the laboratory here and have a result in no time.’
‘Have a drink instead,’ Charles said. ‘And some of the amazing food.’ He waved at his colleagues. ‘Please carry on with your dinners,’ he directed. ‘Another life saved, here.’
A relieved buzz of conversation broke out and there were smiles all round. Anahera was still looking serious, however, as she coiled wires to tuck them into a pocket of the life-pack case.
He had to say something.
‘It’s good to see you, Ana. I … I wasn’t expecting to.’
‘No.’ The wires had tangled a little and she shook them. ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you either.’ Her soft huff of breath was an embryonic laugh. ‘Silly, I guess. This is your field.’ The wires were being coiled more tightly than necessary. ‘It’s a long way to come, though, and I wouldn’t have thought you’d …’
What? She wouldn’t have thought he’d want to come anywhere near this place again? The brief glance in his direction as her sentence trailed off made him feel like he was a stranger to her. Not someone to be afraid of now but someone to be ignored?
‘I thought you were living in Brisbane.’ Luke could have kicked himself the moment the words came out. It made it sound like the only reason he’d come back here was because he’d thought she was safely a very long way away.
But that was the truth, wasn’t it?
‘Sorry to disappoint you.’ The pockets on the life pack were snapped shut, and Anahera got to her feet. ‘I moved back home a couple of years ago.’
‘I’m not disappointed.’ He attempted a smile. ‘And it is good to see you again.’
A lot of time had passed. Surely they could find a way to connect on some level? He wanted that, he realised. More than was probably good for him.
He wanted to see her eyes the way he remembered them, not full of fear that he might hurt her again. Or so distant he wasn’t even being acknowledged for who he was. Or who he had been.
What he really wanted was to see Anahera smile, but it wasn’t going to happen, was it?
And then it struck him. She wouldn’t be afraid of him if she knew the truth. She wouldn’t feel that avoiding him was the best way to cope either.
Something else crept into the odd mix of his feelings.
A glimmer of hope, perhaps?
Maybe this was an opportunity for both of them to lay some ghosts to rest. So that they could both move on with their lives without being haunted by what had happened between them.
‘You stay.’ Anahera zipped up the resus kit after Sam had taken the blood sample Charles had finally agreed was a good idea. ‘You were coming here anyway. I can take all the gear back to the hospital.’
‘Are you sure?’ Sam was watching their patient rejoin the gathering. ‘I would quite like to keep an eye on him for a while. It’s only going to take a few minutes to run the assay.’
‘I’d like to see the laboratory again.’ Much to Anahera’s discomfort, Luke hadn’t followed Charles to the other side of the meeting hall. ‘It sounds like you’ve got more gear in there than there was when I was last here.’
‘I’ll bet. You should come and see the hospital, too. You wouldn’t have had the CT scanner when you were here. Or the ventilator we’ve