He rubbed the top of his head and stared at the woman he’d let down, mother of the girl he’d let down. He’d become his mother. Man, he wanted to pound something. He needed to get on his bike and take a long ride through Texas. But unlike Sylvia Martin, his mother, he would come back. But he wouldn’t walk away from this hospital, from Lilly or Oregon.
He looked at her. Her dark hair framed a face that was delicate and shifted from cute to pretty with a smile. She shrugged slim shoulders. “Maybe you should have remembered but you said it yourself, there are a lot of holes in your memory.”
Yeah, a lot of holes. Blackouts. Days lost. He reached into his pocket and felt that coin he carried, a reminder of how long he’d been sober. Two years and counting.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he made eye contact with the woman sitting across from him.
“I’m sorry, too. I know she needs you.”
There were so many ways he could react to that. He could be angry, but what would that get him? She had wanted to protect her daughter. He couldn’t blame her for that.
“So I guess I passed the test,” he finally said.
“Of course you do.” She stood, her eyes darting away from him to the door. “We should go. I don’t want her to be alone too long.”
“No, of course not.” She would never be alone again. He would see to that. “Does she know?”
“That you’re her dad? No.”
“We have to tell her.”
They walked out into the hall and headed back to the emergency room. “Yes, I know.”
“What does she know?”
“That I was young and made a mistake. But that she isn’t a mistake.”
“Man, Oregon, I should have been there. I should have been in her life.”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Her voice faltered.
“You weren’t in this alone. And you aren’t alone now. We need to get married.” The words slipped out quickly, without giving them a lot of thought.
She stopped. He took a few more steps and then turned to face her. She was barely five feet tall. Her dark hair was long and soft. Her gray eyes had flecks of green in this light. Had he just proposed to her?
“No.” And with that simple answer, she kept walking.
He froze under the bright fluorescent lights, voices of people heading in their direction. Ahead of him Oregon kept walking. He was so tall that he only had to take a few steps and he was next to her.
“Why not?”
“Because this isn’t love. It was attraction once. Now we’re two strangers, and that isn’t enough for a marriage.”
“Our daughter deserves—”
She cut him off with an angry glare. “Don’t tell me what she deserves. She deserves a home and people who love her. People who stay.”
“Right, but we have to think about our daughter.”
“Mine,” she cried out, her eyes widening in fear. “She’s my daughter.”
“I’m not going to take her from you.” He said it as calmly as he could, in the voice he used to soothe startled horses.
“No, but you could take her heart. She already loves you.”
“Oregon, this isn’t a competition.”
They kept walking back to the ward with green walls, and rooms with glass doors, curtains for privacy and hushed voices. Oregon stopped, leaning against the wall a few short feet from the nurses’ station.
“Duke, she needs you. That’s why we’re here. Right now I’m emotional and not thinking straight. My main concern is for her, that she’s safe and she’s going to be okay. Marriage to you, though, is not in my plans.”
“We won’t discuss it today. You’re right. She needs us with her now.”
He could understand her reluctance to marry. He hadn’t seen too much about marriage that he admired. But his brother Jake, the last guy he thought would fall, seemed to be taken with the idea. Jake and Breezy had fallen in love with each other, with the twin nieces they all shared, and the rest had been history. In their current newlywed phase of soft looks, sweet smiles and easy embraces, it was impossible to be around them for long.
Duke avoided them as much as possible. He didn’t need to see their version of happily-ever-after.
He’d rather stay at his old house, working on the wiring that needed updating, the plumbing that sometimes groaned with the effort of pushing water to the faucets.
A house for a family, Jake had teased when Duke started the remodel. And now he had a family. True, Oregon didn’t want any part of making them one. But Duke would be a dad to Lilly. He wouldn’t let her argue him out of that.
They entered the room as a nurse was settling Lilly back in, covering her with heated blankets and tucking in the edges.
The nurse smiled at her patient. “Told you they’d be right back.”
Oregon leaned to kiss her daughter’s cheek.
Their daughter. Duke hung back, trying hard not to let this moment get the best of him. This shouldn’t be the first time he saw her as his daughter. There should have been a lifetime of moments. A newborn in a hospital, first steps, first words, first day of school. Yeah, he’d missed out on a lot.
He wanted to be angry with Oregon. He was angry, not just with her, with himself. He hadn’t been the kind of man a woman would turn to.
This girl could have pulled him back to where he needed to be.
She still could.
For the moment he stood on the sidelines and watched as the nurse checked IV lines, as Oregon spoke in soft whispers and then as Joe reentered the room with a cup of coffee. Why in the world did this drama include Joe?
How did a man adjust to suddenly being a dad?
The doctor walked through the sliding door. He looked at his chart, looked up and smiled at Lilly, then at Oregon. He didn’t look at Duke or Joe, because they were just the extras in this scene.
The doctor pulled back the blanket, touched Lilly’s toes on her left foot, rested a hand on the splinted leg. “Well, we have a minor concussion, and she’s very fortunate it wasn’t worse. No internal bleeding, for which we’re thankful. And then this broken leg that we’re going to set. She’ll be down for about six weeks, then back to work earning money for that horse.”
“Oh, she told you.” Oregon smiled down at her daughter.
“Yes, she did. She also told me you have stairs. She’s not going to have an easy time on stairs with the cast and crutches.”
“We’ll figure something out,” Duke cut in. Oregon shot him a look that clearly told him to stay out of her business.
Thing is, her business had become his. He gave her a look that he hoped told her he wasn’t going to back down and pretend this didn’t matter. He ignored the daggers Oregon shot at him from eyes damp with unshed tears and smiled at Lilly. She smiled back with a smile he should have recognized.
Yeah, this mattered.
* * *
After it was decided Lilly would spend the night in the hospital, Duke took Joe home, then headed for the ranch. Or his section of the nearly twelve hundred acres that made up the Circle M.
He bypassed Jake’s place and drove down the dirt road to his house. The two-story home had a pillared front porch and a veranda that ran across the second