A second after she disappeared, she poked her head back in and said, “I’m happy that Rose is coming back, though. You tell her I expect her to contact me straightaway. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
The gust of air hit me for a couple of seconds before the girls had the door pulled shut.
Suzanna was right. But what could I do, except try to make it work out properly? As much as I loved Rose, I still didn’t want to hurt Constance’s feelings any more than necessary. She was a good girl, and the only thing she’d done wrong was fall in love with me. Mother had given me sound advice when she’d suggested that Rose and I wait awhile before we went public. Maybe over the summer, Constance would begin courting another, and her heart would be healed. His daughter’s happiness could soften Elijah once again, and all would be right in the community.
I tried to convince myself, but when I looked at Timothy and Matthew and saw the doubt and worry etched on their faces, I knew I was fooling myself. Nothing had gone right ever since I’d first laid eyes on Rose, and I reckoned this would be no different. But I’d try not to worry until something came up. After all, I’d get to be with her tomorrow, and that’s all that I wanted to think about.
6
Rose
“Hold up, Summer,” I said as I stopped and squatted beneath the pine trees.
My stomach rolled, and I tried to swallow down the nausea. It didn’t work. Hot juices rose in my throat, and I threw up. My body heaved, and I clutched my stomach when the spasms didn’t stop.
“Here, let me get your hair out of the way,” Summer said, kneeling beside me. She rubbed my back and murmured soft words that didn’t mean much to me. I just wanted the bubbling feeling in my gut to quit.
The week after I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d felt perfectly fine and decided that the pregnancy thing wasn’t so bad. I had even been able to pretend in my mind I wasn’t pregnant, that maybe all the tests had been wrong. When I’d said as much to Summer, she’d laughed and told me to wait awhile, I’d be feeling it soon enough. She’d assured me that she’d seen it happen to her stepsister and another girlfriend firsthand. Then, bam, yesterday morning the sickness had hit with the force of a raging hurricane. It didn’t just happen in the morning, either. The rocking in my belly and throat had been almost constant since it began.
Finally, after another minute of gagging and spitting up yellow liquid that must have come from the pit of my empty stomach, I sat back against the tree trunk.
Summer handed me a tissue from her pocket and said, “Somehow, you’re going to have to pull yourself together or Noah will know for sure.”
“How? I can’t go an hour without being sick. He’ll see right through me.”
Summer placed her hand under my chin and forced it up. I looked into her bright green eyes and calmed instantly.
“Now, you listen to me, Rose. You’re a strong girl. You can do this. I have faith in you.”
“No, I can’t. He’ll figure it out...and then what’ll I do?” I sniffed back the tears that were almost falling again.
Summer’s strawberry-blond hair bobbed on her shoulders as she shook her head. “You and your baby’s entire future depend on this. Noah can’t find out about the pregnancy until you’ve made up your mind for certain what your future is going to be—Amish or English.”
“I want to be with Noah. I don’t care where we live.”
Summer’s voice was harsher than usual, and I gazed at her, wishing that I wasn’t pregnant at all.
“A week ago you told me and Sam that you didn’t know what you wanted. You told us that you had reservations about raising your baby Amish. Don’t go changing your tune now. If Noah isn’t willing to go English to be with you, then why should you give up everything to be with him?”
The shadows under the trees were growing, and I shivered as the cooler air settled beneath the green canopy. Summer had a very good point, and my head agreed with her...but not my heart. Now that I was having his baby, I wanted to be with Noah even more. I needed him to help me through this. He’d probably be fine with the pregnancy. But then why was there still a tickling of doubt deep down inside me? What had changed?
“All right, you might be happy enough marrying Noah and being Amish, but what about your child? Will he or she? Maybe there will come a day when that little person growing inside of you will be mighty upset at the choice you made.”
The fixed line on Summer’s mouth proved how serious she was, and maybe she’d hit the matter on the head. Could I really make such a decision for my child? Was it even fair?
“You might be right— Here, help me up.”
Once I was standing, the queasiness settled for a minute. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again the forest came into sharper view. The sun was low in the sky, and I realized that we didn’t have a lot of time.
“Do you have any gum left?”
“Sure do.” Summer pulled the pack from her back pocket and handed me a piece.
I turned and started up the barely recognizable path. Summer came up beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
I continued walking and didn’t look her way. “Yeah, I’ll survive, but I’m not making any promises. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Noah about the baby.”
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Summer nod wearily in acceptance.
When we reached the boulders, Summer climbed onto the nearest one and sat down.
“What are you doing?” A shimmering of panic spread through me as she gazed down at me.
“You’re on your own with this one. It’s your life.”
“That’s it—you’re going to abandon me now?”
“I’m doing no such thing. I’ll be sitting right here when you’re finished.” She paused and glanced away, then back again with more compassion. “I don’t want to make you do something...or not do something that you’ll regret later. It’s your life and you have to decide. Neither Sam nor I can tell you what’s best for you in this mess you’ve gotten into.”
“There probably isn’t a best thing to do.”
I sighed.
“Probably not.”
Without glancing back, I moved past the giant rocks and picked up speed as I pushed through the last of the branches and brush. My belly was calm, and with a sudden longing to be in Noah’s arms, I hurried across the clearing and up the rickety old porch steps.
When I opened the door, the darkness inside was complete. There wasn’t even a cheery fire to greet me.
“Noah, are you in here?” I whispered into the blackness.
The silence chilled my insides, and I zipped up my jacket. After a few seconds of hesitation and looking over my shoulder as twilight descended on to the forest, I walked in, using my hands to feel the way to where I thought the chairs would be.
I sat down on the first one I bumped into and folded my arms tightly around me. Goose bumps spread along my skin, and I shivered again, sucking in a breath. Could Noah have forgotten me?
My insides tightened at the thought as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Several of the chairs and buckets were turned over and lying haphazardly around the floor. The fireplace had a few old ashes in it and