My brain blanked out for several seconds. Then my heart lurched back into gear. Hoooly crap, she wasn’t kidding. She really could do magic! Reaching toward the flame, I opened my mouth to ask when I would get to learn that.
“Oh, no.” She snapped her hand closed, extinguishing the fire with a sizzle. “Don’t even ask, because the answer is no. Creating fire is too dangerous for you, in case your vampire genes make it hard for you to control the flame. And you’re not learning any other magic, either.”
“Why not?” I tried hard not to whine. But honestly, what was the point of learning all of this stuff if I couldn’t even do real magic someday?
“Because both the Clann and the vampire council made your Nanna and I swear that we would never teach you how to do magic. It was the only way I could get to raise you and we could stay in Jacksonville.”
“I can’t ever learn to do magic?”
She shook her head. “Sorry, hon, not unless the Clann and the vampire council both change their minds.”
“What if my magical side starts developing, like you said? Will I just start shooting out magic spells or something?”
She laughed. “Not likely, since it takes both your willpower and certain spell words for beginner witches to cast a spell. Magic is like a muscle for most descendants. If you never use it, like I haven’t for a while, it atrophies and is harder to use. If you practice, you get stronger and it’s easier to do. We’re hoping if you never do magic, the ability will simply go away for you. Or at least be very hard to do accidentally.”
Disappointed, I frowned down at the sink. This really sucked. Nanna was always telling me to focus on the good in every situation. But there seemed to be absolutely nothing positive about my life right now.
After a slight hesitation, Mom came the rest of the way into the bathroom and leaned against the edge of the sink’s counter. “Look, Savannah, I know it’s hard, but try to see things from everyone else’s point of view, too. You are special, incredibly so. Other than in myths, you’re the first dhampir in proven existence from your father’s line, the first real live half vampire, half human.”
“You mean half witch,” I muttered, aiming for sarcasm. Which she ignored.
“Right. Until you, no one thought vampires from your father’s line could even get a human pregnant. Then your father and I broke the rules, I got pregnant, and we got married.”
“Wait. You got pregnant then got married?”
She gave a sheepish grin. “Yeah, you know, sometimes it works that way. But it was worth it. Even when our marriage meant your father lost his seat on the council—”
“Because of me?”
She winced. “Not quite. More a combination of factors … like drinking Clann blood to block his thoughts from the council so he could break their rules, marry a human and have a baby.”
But they only got married after they found out they were going to have me. So didn’t that still make it my fault that Dad was kicked off the council?
“Anyways,” she continued, “when you actually made it to full term then survived the first year of life, everyone on both sides of the equation went nuts. The vampire council thinks you’re going to be some sort of secret weapon for the Clann if you develop magical skills. And the Clann is afraid you’ll either go fully vampire and try to eat them all or use magic against them.” She laughed.
I couldn’t breathe.
Her smile faded. “Oh, sorry, baby. Your father and I spent years joking about everyone’s crazy fears. They’re all ridiculously paranoid, on both sides of the line. Before your birth, they actually thought he and I had teamed up to rid the world of both the Clann and all the vampires! Bunch of fruitcakes. But I guess it’s not that funny to you at first.”
I let a glare be my answer. Inside, I was shaking again. Just when I thought I was starting to get a grip on all of this … now I was both a career ender for Dad and some sort of a ticking time bomb? No wonder I was such a disappointment to him.
“That’s why the Brat Twins call me a freak. Why did you even keep me?” I muttered then clamped my lips shut. I so had not meant to say that out loud.
She gripped my shoulders, forcing me to meet her gaze. “Savannah, from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, you have been nothing short of a miracle. Do you understand? A miracle. Not strange, not scary, not a freak and certainly not a threat to anyone. You’ve always been a sweet, precious miracle born out of love.”
A love that had lasted all of three years. “So if I was such a miracle, and you two were so in love you just had to break all the rules to be together … why’d you get divorced?”
She bit her lower lip, hesitating for a long time before sighing. “A lot of factors, I guess. Mostly, it was my fault. I was young, far too young to handle it all. And too young to really know what love was. I thought I was in love with your father. But now I know I was more in love with the idea of being with a vampire and breaking the rules. We were like Bonnie and Clyde, modern-day rebels running from our worlds’ laws, hiding out on the lam.” She grinned. “It was a lot of fun. Until we had a baby who needed safety and security. Then suddenly being on the run wasn’t so much fun anymore. When I realized I was responsible for your life and protecting you, it just didn’t make sense anymore to be with your father. The council and the Clann both agreed you and I could live with your grandmother as long as I ended my marriage. And while I still loved your father, I wasn’t in love with him anymore.
Loving your father was an adventure and a selfish fantasy, and it was great while it lasted. But having you made me realize I needed to wake up, grow up and think about others for a change.”
“Let me get this straight. You broke up with Dad for me?”
“Not just for you. For peace between the Clann and the vampires, too. Both groups have members all over the world. If your father and I had stayed together, worldwide war could have broken out again between them. A lot of people would have died, and that would have been my fault. And I didn’t love your father enough anymore for it to be worth that.”
“But why come back to Jacksonville? Why not raise me somewhere else? Someplace where there weren’t as many Clann around?”
She smiled and shrugged. “Because Jacksonville has always been my home. And besides, I needed your grandma’s help to raise you. Dhampir babies don’t exactly come with a handbook, you know.”
I managed a smile for her, but it faded fast. “Except, now I have to go to school with kids who seem to know what I am. And call me freak every day.”
Mom hugged me. “I know it’s hard, hon. But you’ve got to learn how to live your own life and don’t worry about what the Clann thinks, or what the vampire council thinks, or what anybody says about you. None of this changes who you are inside. That’s only up to you and what you choose. And even though this is all a shock, and maybe things in your life might start to change a little here and there, I promise you’re going to be okay. As long as you follow the rules, that is.”
Which was to stay away from the Clann. Yeah, I got it already. Except … “Mom, you and Nanna used to be in the Clann, too. What if I—”
“Don’t worry. Like you teens love to say … we’ve got skills.”
She gave a lopsided grin. “Or at least your Nanna does. All I ever learned how to do was throw stuff and make fire. And even that was only because