The obvious mutual attachment between the two women was remarked upon at Brighton, although Georgiana made light of it to Lady Spencer. ‘I live very much with Mrs Graham,’ she wrote en passant. ‘I think her extremely amiable and we like him too very much – but Lady Sefton does not approve of it as I suppose she expected I should live entirely with her.’22 However, the letters Georgiana wrote to Mary after they had left Brighton show that their feelings for each other had grown into infatuation. The first surviving letter of Georgiana’s is a response to a reproach from Mary for not writing more often. Georgiana was staying at Althorp with Lady Spencer, who regarded the interlude as her chance to initiate some remedial training. She kept a tight rein on her daughter, insisting that she imitate her own daily regimen of early morning walks, hours of improving literature, and endless fussing about the servants. The unaccustomed harshness of the regime so exhausted Georgiana that she was too tired to keep up the promised letter-journal to Mary.
I cannot bear the thought of your thinking me negligent [she replied in anguish after receiving a furious letter from Mary] I have had scarce any opportunity lately – and besides I have been very busy – in the first place with writing the verses to my Father on his birthday and with the picture – (As soon as I have time to write them out I will send them to you) and then, I have been working very hard for Mama to compose her some reflections to read to the servants on their taking the Sacrament. Would you believe me capable of so serious a work? My dear friend, despite my giddiness I am capable of thought sometimes. You would not think from appearances that I am able to have deep friendships, but, nevertheless you must know how tenderly I love you. It is the same with other things. I am full of madness but I also have a little sense. I perceive I am eulogising myself, but that is characteristic of a bad heart and I have often told you mine is bad … I am falling asleep and must leave you now, but I want to say to you above all that I love you, my dear friend, and kiss you tenderly.23
By the spring of 1778 it was Lady Spencer’s turn to complain that Georgiana’s letters had slowed to a trickle.24 Not only did Georgiana spend all her free time writing to Mary; no other subject interested her: ‘I made Mr James set by me at supper last night to have the pleasure of talking about you – it is so deliciously sweet for me, my adorable friend, to speak constantly of you – as I am continuously thinking of you it is a subject that I am very well prepared for … I went to see Lady Anne and Lady Margaret, they both talk a great deal about you and my heart applauds their good taste – I have seen your picture too at Gainsborough’s.’25
Both of them were frightened that the intensity of their friendship would become the subject of gossip. It was almost impossible to keep such things hidden. Maids and footmen were not above reading their employers’ mail, and there was always the danger of letters going astray or falling into the wrong hands. In one fragment Georgiana wrote: ‘I have been reading over this curious letter and I am almost sorry I put so much about what vex’d me when I began writing, I must tell you I am quite easy about it now and if I was sure you would get this letter safe, I would tell you all about it – but I don’t dare.’26 Despite the risk of exposure, she urged Mary to accept a small drawing of herself: ‘You desire me to give you my opinion about the picture, I can not see why you should not have it, I understand what you mean, but I don’t think it would appear odd – consider that in a little time we shall be old friends – however I think I can send you a drawing when I go to town which will not have any of the inconveniences you thought of as you need not shew it – for I shall like you to have something like me.’27
Whether or not Mary actually received the picture is not known. Almost nothing else survives from their lengthy correspondence except a couple of later fragments. Discouraged by the Duke’s freezing civility, Georgiana longed for the tenderness, companionship and affection she experienced with Mary – and also something else, equally if not more important: relief from having to perform for her relatives or the ton. Lady Spencer, her friends, the Duke and his family all placed expectations on her, often forcing her to play roles which made her feel uncomfortable or inadequate. Only with Mary could Georgiana unburden herself and talk about her confusion and dismay.
The hurry I live here distracts me [she wrote in 1778], when I first came into the world the novelty of the scene made me like everything but my heart now feels only an emptiness in the beau monde which cannot be filled – I don’t have the liberty to think or occupy myself with the things I like as much as I would wish and all my desires are turned upside down – you are the only person to whom I would say this, anybody else would only laugh at me and call it an affectation – I seem to enjoy every thing so much at the minute that nobody can think how much I am tired sometimes with the dissipation I live in.28
Georgiana’s sense of unease about her life of dissipation was turning to disgust but, as she remarked sadly, her friends would only laugh if she tried to explain herself. Her intimacy with Mary helped her to gain a perspective on her situation, particularly on the limitations of her marriage. It was unthinkable, however, for a woman to take a lover before she had supplied her husband with a son. Convention allowed aristocratic women a cicisbeo – a term borrowed from the Italian to mean a platonic lover who provided escort duties and other practical services in place of the husband. In The School for Scandal Lady Teazle says she will admit the wicked Joseph Surface ‘as a lover no farther than fashion sanctions’. ‘True,’ he replies, ‘a mere Platonic cicisbeo – what every wife is entitled to.’29 But, despite a large crowd of suitors eager to comply, Georgiana was the exception in lacking even this.30 In 1779 her cousin Lady Pembroke remarked to Lord Herbert: ‘You wrote some time ago terrible things you had heard about the poor Dss of Devonshire, which made me laugh, they were so totally without foundation, and I forgot to answer it. She has never been even talked for any body in the flirting way yet …’31
Whether and to what extent physical intimacy played a part in Georgiana’s relationship with Mary is impossible to determine. Several of her friendships contained an element of flirtatiousness: it was a French habit she had acquired from Madame de Polignac and Marie Antoinette. Since the publication of Jean Jacques Rousseau’s enormously successful Julie ou La nouvelle Héloïse French women had self-consciously imitated the loving friendship between Julie and Claire. However, there were rumours that Marie Antoinette and the Little Po were more than simply friends, which their displays of physical affection encouraged.32*
Rousseau made a deep impression on Georgiana, and her own copy of La nouvelle Héloïse at Chatsworth is scored with her markings.33 She lived on a plane of heightened feeling which her English friends found alluring but also disturbing. ‘Some part of your letter frightened me,’ Lady Jersey once wrote, not altogether sure how to interpret Georgiana’s declarations of love.34 Georgiana’s passionate imprecations went far beyond the ordinary endearments written between women friends, ‘Je t’aime mon coeur bien tendrement, indeed, indeed, indeed, I love you dearly’ is one of her typical messages to Lady Melbourne.35 However, even taking hyperbole into account, Georgiana’s letters to Mary were more personal, more intense, clearly separating them from her other correspondence. Georgiana was seeking her Claire, who would know her every thought, be at her side during the day, share her bed at night, and hold her in her arms when she died. But it was not to be. In 1781 the doctors ordered Mr