The
Clumsies
make a mess
Illustrated by Nicola Slater
HarperCollins Children’s Books
For Purvis and Mickey Thompson
Contents
It was a Tuesday morning and everything was just as it usually was. As usual, Howard Armitage arrived at his office at a quarter to nine. As usual, he bought a cup of coffee and two sausages from the office canteen. Then, as usual, he set off down the long Corridor… to his room.
Suddenly there was a booming voice behind him.
‘ARMITAGE!’ it said.
It was Mr Bullerton, Howard’s boss.
‘Hello, Mr Bullerton,’ said Howard.
‘Hmph,’ said Mr Bullerton, crossly. ‘I’ve just been in your room, and it’s a mess. As usual.’
‘Oh, I—’ began Howard.
‘Why is it?’ said Mr Bullerton.
‘Well, err—’
‘I won’t have it,’ said Mr Bullerton.
‘No, I—’
‘Tidy it!’ said Mr Bullerton.
He gave Howard’s sausage-box a nasty look and his nostrils, which were large, gave a twitch.
‘What’s in the box?’
‘Sausages,’ said Howard.
‘Sausages?’ spluttered Mr Bullerton. ‘I hope you’re not intending to eat sausages in your office.’
‘Err, I—’
‘No eating at desks!’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘It’s unhygienic!’
‘Yes, Mr Bullerton,’ said Howard.
‘And untidy!’
‘Yes, Mr Bullerton,’ said Howard.
‘Desks are for working on, not eating off. Any eating to be done will be done in the canteen and in the canteen only.
said Mr Bullerton. ‘Well, go on then.’
Howard went back to the canteen, waited until Mr Bullerton had gone, and then took his breakfast to his room, just as he always did. He was about to take a large bite of sausage when there was a rustling noise.
‘That’s unusual,’ said Howard, and the noise stopped. Then it started again, loudly.
There was something under the desk, and it was moving…
Howard sprang upwards and backwards and peered underneath. There was a bag, and it was twitching. He prodded it and something small and round SHOT out.
‘Squeeep!’ it said.
‘Tut,’ said Howard. ‘A mouse.’
The mouse hurtled off into the corner and Howard sat back down. He was about to take a large bite of sausage when there was another rustling noise.
‘Now look,’ said Howard. ‘I’ve had just about enough of this.’ He kicked the bag and another mouse popped out, smaller and rounder than the first. It started to trundle away, glancing nervously at Howard over its shoulder.
‘You may well glance at me nervously,’ said Howard, picking up an empty water glass and placing it over the mouse. ‘You’ll stay in there so I can eat my breakfast in peace. I shall deal with you afterwards.’
It was the first mouse, back again.
‘Let him out!’ squealed the mouse, pummelling.
Howard choked on his coffee, and the mouse stopped pummelling.
‘Please, I mean. Please let him out, Howard Armitage,’ said the mouse.
Howard made a gargling noise, and the mouse giggled.
‘Here, you’ve got coffee all down your chin,’ he said, passing Howard a small tissue.
‘So would you, if you’d been sprung at all over the place and pummelled,’ said Howard, mopping.
‘Sorry,’ said the mouse. ‘It was the biscuits.’
‘What was the biscuits?’ said Howard.
‘They were in that bag,’ said the mouse, ‘and we, err, borrowed some, and fell asleep. If I get you some more, will you let my brother go?’
‘I don’t want biscuits’ said Howard. ‘I want sausages.‘
‘I’ll get you some sausages then,’ offered the mouse.
‘I’ve already got sausages,’ said Howard. ‘All I need now is a bit of calm in which to eat them. Is that too much to ask?’
‘Not at all,’ said the mouse.
‘Well, quite,’ said Howard.
Sighing, Howard lifted the water glass and the smaller, rounder mouse scuttled out, looking a bit hot and very relieved.
‘Thank you,’ said the first mouse. ‘We’ll be off then,’ and he started bundling his brother away.
‘One second,’ said Howard. ‘How do you know my name’s Howard Armitage?’