I am called by the great Creator, that divine Holy Spirit that moves us all, to write during my own journey of unlearning, of healing, and of growth. I am a middle-aged woman: wife of eighteen years and counting, mother of two children, daughter, sister, friend, advanced-degreed, full-time accounting and business instructor (yes, really), board member, volunteer, church lay leader—on and on—but these descriptions are not who I am. I simply . . . am. I am a human being—living, breathing, learning, discovering, encouraging, healing, praying, singing—a human being, a child of God, just like you. I am new to this moment, just like you. I am. I am. I am.
I am always in need of healing and help. I am a recovering planner, controller, caretaker, enabler, fixer, people-pleasing perfectionist. Many of these tendencies are attributed to codependent people, those who live or have lived with some form of addiction in their lives. Yes, that is true, and I also venture to say that we live in an addicted, or at least deeply distracted, society. This society is what forms us. There are few, if any, untouched by addiction—a disease of needing something, using something, searching for something outside of oneself—and more and more of it (alcohol, drugs, food, sex, social media, shopping, television, gambling, approval, attention, validation, to be needed, power, prestige, glory, and on and on) to provide what can only come from God within, the great I Am, eternally available in this and each moment. “. . . I am who I am . . .” (Exodus 3:14) We need healing, and we need help. We need guidance to change the patterns that fuel the brokenness in our addicted and distracted lives. God is in this moment with that help.
God’s help and healing have come to me through what I now name as moments of retreat. Much of my deeper, creative exploration and healing came in moments of multi-day, silent, personal retreat, but the moments of retreat started much more simply as a daily morning discipline of quiet time with words of Scripture. Inviting the Word into the moment has always provided me an anchor, or perhaps a rudder or an oar, that gently guides and holds the conversation with the rest of the flow of creation in that moment. I have also been guided through the words of other devotional authors like Joyce Rupp, Henri Nouwen, Mark Nepo, Thomas Merton, John Main, Julia Cameron, Wayne Muller, Arthur Boers, Theresa of Avila, and many others, unnamed here or anonymous. The authors we are reading in the moment are part of that moment. I am grateful to be part of yours. As my connection to God grew through this discipline of quiet time with words, the moment got bigger, and I became more attentive and aware of God reaching out to lead me—in prayer and meditation; in nature; in journaling; in music; in other people; and in myself. The moments became spacious and filled with healing song.
In listening to the richness of each moment, I have been guided through a gateway to a life filled with moments of sacredness and retreat. “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate . . . ,” says Jesus (John 10:7). Each moment, I can step through the gate into the vastness of God’s creation, guidance, and beauty. These moments have called me to respond and to grow. I have learned and practice daily, silent meditation. I participate in my spiritual communities in different ways than I had previously in ministries like healing, prayer, song, and spiritual growth. I am faithful to daily listening walks in God’s great creation (often, this includes my dog), to a yoga practice, to creative writing, and to semi-annual, silent, multi-day personal retreats. At these silent retreats, primarily at monasteries, I am reminded, each time I return, that I have more to learn. In that humility, I ask God to teach me, again, how to open myself to the moment and be led. I listen to the stillness inside—to God’s call in those moments. Though it has seldom been an easy path, I have been deeply guided and healed. I have been called, sometimes quite strongly, to respond, as co-creator—in writing, yes, and ultimately, in the words, melodies, and voice of song.
The Birch, The Milkweed, and the songs of the chapters that follow are songs born out of my moments of retreat that I voiced to creation and to God as I healed. These songs became an antiphonal response—a sort of back and forth similar to the verses of the Psalms—to the healing song being sung to me—by the butterflies, the blooms, and the angels in the moment. “I am going to send an angel in front of you, to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared. Be attentive to him and listen to his voice . . .” (Exodus 23:20-21). This moment sings the soul of an angel and I respond, as I am led, by joining the song.
Organization of
This Moment of Retreat
I have organized this companion book of retreat into seven chapters centered in seven songs of healing. In the Christian tradition, the seventh day is the Sabbath day. I encourage you to consider and claim a moment of retreat as Sabbath—holy—be it every seventh day, seventh week, seventh hour, seventh minute, seventh second, every seventh breath. I imagine you, dear reader, are considering the discipline of the shift. You could begin now. You need only take a small step and ask God to help.
The retreat topics are centered on healing. Implicit in this is the claim that we come to the moment burdened with some brokenness or darkness. I have found in my own retreat time that claiming or confessing that darkness, as honestly as I am able, and bringing it humbly and vulnerably to God in the moment facilitates healing and creates beauty in the process. The themes of each chapter are provided with each song title so that you can select one that calls to your particular situation at the moment you are seeking to retreat. The chapters can be read in any order and at any pace, be it one word, one sentence, one section, or an entire chapter at a time. God will lead that process for you.
Scriptural Grounding and Inspiration
Each of the seven chapters is grounded gently in a Scriptural verse. I say gently as I do not wish for this to exclude those who have doubts about church or religion. It is not necessary to embrace all of Christianity or belong to a church or religious organization to claim a relationship with God through the words and teachings in the Bible. If a verse from Scripture is singing in your moment, so be it. Trust it. Listen to it. Sing with it. Allow it in as a guide and conversation partner. I have many deeply spiritual friends, alienated from the church as an institution, who long to give themselves permission to find God in Scripture. If this is you, you have permission, now, in this moment. Go ahead. I also have many deeply spiritual church-going friends who believe that, for some reason, they are not qualified or educated enough to interpret or read Scripture. As I recall, the first disciples were fishermen or other working folks. I am but a lay person, as well. God will find you, right where you are, with Scripture. Go ahead. You
have permission.
Experience, Strength, and Hope Reflection
Embracing the Moment in All of Creation
In each of the seven chapters, grounded in Scripture and song, there is a devotional reflection on the moments of retreat in which my healing song was initially inspired, which includes images of all of Creation. When you begin to open up to the largeness of each moment, you will find God speaking to you in almost everything. These reflections offer some of the pieces of my moments that spoke to me, guided me, and called out to me. I share them with you in hopes that they mingle in your moment to heal, guide, inspire, and encourage. As mentioned, in a call for healing, there is an owning of brokenness in these reflections. It is often from the deepest darkness that new life springs. That has been true for me. Sharing our experience and strength in moments of darkness requires courage, vulnerability, and faith and can provide deeply needed strength and hope to the world.
Meditation and Prayer
I have included a prayer and meditation suggestion that invites you to apply the theme of each chapter in conversation with God in the moment. Conversation is two-way, listening and responding, receiving and giving. There are ideas in this section to explore both sides—meditation and prayer. Listening walks, silent meditation, poetry reading, prayers, and breath work are all found here.
The Healing Song of Now
Listen and respond. Listen and respond. Listen and respond to the actual song of the retreat. Music and lyrics are provided for each retreat—music and lyrics that I wrote, humbly, imperfectly, often crying out in a force of creative energy from God to God, in the moment. Listen and respond. Listen and sing. Don’t be afraid to sing. So often, we judge