Lee, a good-looking lad, who’d bedded more women than he’d had hot dinners, saw what every other red-blooded male would have seen – another trophy girlfriend who wouldn’t take much persuading to get into bed.
‘He’s not in love,’ Ray had said to me when Lee brought Tracie home for Sunday lunch a week after they’d met in Baker’s nightclub in Birmingham. ‘He’s in lust.’
That had been back in May 1994. We’d all hoped we’d see the back of her within a few weeks and that Lee would see through her. But sex was always Tracie’s trump card and, within just six months of meeting Lee, she had a diamond engagement ring on her finger and was planning a full-on white wedding to prove it.
‘We’re meant to be together,’ she’d announced on the day Lee brought her home to meet us. ‘It’s our destiny.’
Lee could have had his pick of any girl who caught his eye. But Tracie was different, he’d told me. ‘It’s the best sex I’ve ever had, Mum,’ he’d joked.
There was nothing he and I didn’t talk about and I was used to hearing him describe how he’d often get home from work and find her waiting for him in stockings and suspenders, ready to drag him upstairs. Lee had even told Michelle, his sister, that he thought he’d tried most things in bed until he met Tracie.
But even knowing how besotted Lee was with her wasn’t enough for Tracie. From the moment they’d met, she’d tried every trick in the book to drive a wedge between him and us. She carried a deep-rooted insecurity that made her cynical and paranoid. Everyone, or so she thought, was trying to take Lee away from her. Tracie was especially jealous of his relationship with his five-year-old daughter Danielle’s mum Anita Curtis and the fact that Lee was so close to his sister.
It was far from ideal, and particularly heart-breaking for me because we were so close and I couldn’t bear to see him so unhappy when he’d turn up at home after yet another argument. You never stop worrying about your kids or wanting to protect them, no matter what age they are, but as adults they have to lead their own lives, and learn from their own mistakes. It’s hard to sit on the sidelines and watch, but it’s part and parcel of being a parent. If you get too involved, it can make things worse. Once you’ve said your piece, you just have to let them get on with it.
In the week leading up to 1 December, I hadn’t seen Lee for a week. He’d moved back in with Tracie three months before, even though we’d told him, yet again, that he was making a big mistake. But then they’d had another huge bust-up and Lee had come home yet again.
‘If you even think about going back to her again after all this crap, you needn’t bother coming back here again,’ Ray had shouted when Lee said he was going to try to sort things out with her once and for all. ‘We’re not running a bloody hotel, you know.’
I followed Lee into the kitchen and watched him slam a half-drunk coffee on the sink unit.
‘Jean will let me stay with her,’ Lee said angrily. ‘She won’t mind having me.’
Lee had stayed with Ray’s sister before when Ray had told him he was sick of him leaving Tracie and then coming home with his tail between his legs. But, on this occasion, Ray was having none of it. ‘Oh, no, you’re not going to Jean’s,’ he shouted. ‘You’re not involving my family in this nightmare with that little slut.’
I didn’t want to take sides because, like Ray, I’d had enough of Tracie getting her own way. It seemed like she only had to snap her fingers and Lee would cave in and go running back to her. I knew Ray was only trying to make a point but at the same time I couldn’t bear the thought of Lee having nowhere to go.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Ray,’ I said, ‘this is his home. He can come back any time he likes.’
Lee had said nothing as he picked up his car keys and walked towards the front door.
‘You’re making the biggest mistake of your life, son,’ Ray shouted. ‘She’s not worth all the grief she gives you.’
‘Right! I’ll go and live in a hostel,’ said Lee. ‘At least I’ll get some bloody peace and quiet.’
I knew Ray was trying to get Lee to change his mind and that he was just as angry and frustrated as I was. We all say things we regret in the heat of the moment. Especially when you love someone and don’t want to see them hurt. But I know, even after all this time, that the memory of that afternoon is one that will haunt Ray until he takes his last breath. Not just because of what he’d said to Lee, but because he let him walk out without saying goodbye.
Normally – but then nothing was normal after Tracie Andrews came into our lives – they’d have been hugging each other, joking, enjoying the lad–dad banter that was so much a part of their relationship. They adored each other but they were both pig-headed, stubborn men.
Lee had left the house after saying goodbye to me, Michelle and her husband Steve but had barely given his dad a second glance. He knew how angry and disappointed Ray was but he also knew that neither of them was prepared to back down.
I was so relieved when Lee turned up a few days later. ‘Where have you been staying?’ I asked him.
‘Mum, I’m fine,’ he said, ‘don’t worry about me… I’ve just come back to get some more clothes. I’m back at Tracie’s. She’s not as bad as you think she is and I love her, Mum. We really are going to make it work this time. OK?’
I looked at him. He was grinning. I loved him so much it was impossible to stay cross with him. There was nothing I could say or do to stop him being with Tracie. I shrugged my shoulders. ‘OK, it’s your life,’ I said.
That night in December, it wouldn’t have mattered if Lee had come home and woken us up. We’d missed him so much and I knew Ray would be really chuffed. I knew he’d regretted losing his temper. He’d even taped an American football game for Lee that evening so I knew how much he was missing him.
And, anyway, the house wasn’t the same without Lee around. He livened things up with his crap jokes and funny stories. The music on his stereo was always playing too loudly, the washing machine was always full of his clothes and the frying pan was always sizzling with eggs and bacon. In fact, he’d often come home late after a night out with the boys and ask me to make him bacon, egg and chips. It didn’t matter how late it was, or whether I was engrossed in a film or something on the television, I’d happily start cooking. Ray knew that, if he had asked for a cup of tea after 8pm, he wouldn’t have stood a chance. The kitchen was closed to everyone – except Lee.
Sometimes, Ray would be upstairs in bed and would hear our laughter and the clatter of pans; or the smell of bacon, egg and chips cooking would waft upstairs and he’d come down to the kitchen. ‘I don’t believe it!’ he’d say, just like the character from One Foot in the Grave. Lee even nicknamed his Dad ‘Victor Meldrew’ after that!
Lee loved to laugh and chat and I loved to sit with him, listening to his jokes and his stories about the night out he’d just had. He would make me laugh so much that Ray would often bang on the bedroom floor and yell, ‘Oi, you two – some of us have to get up early, you know.’
Now, I miss the laughter and our late-night suppers more than anything.
Like us, his mates had got used to the on-off situation with Tracie, and the moment they knew he was living back home, they hardly left him alone. Every evening, a crowd of lads would turn up ready to hit the town. Lee loved it. But only because he always knew it would be only a matter of time before it was all hearts and flowers again with