Lucas just cocked one eyebrow, ignoring the man’s sarcasm and silently urging him to continue with his tale.
“She sent us all out to look for ye,” William continued, “but we couldnae find ye. It was nigh on two months ere she was healed of her wounds and the fever that nearly killed her. S’truth, for three weeks nearly the only sensible things she uttered were orders to find ye and let everyone believe she was dead.”
“Why play that game?”
“Mayhap because someone obviously wants her dead?”
The man’s continuing sarcasm truly grated on Lucas’s temper, but he fought to endure it. He was finally getting some answers. They might not be the right ones or even the truth, but he could decide on all that later. Right now he needed to know just what he had stumbled into.
“Who does she think wants her dead?” Lucas asked William.
“That bitch of a half-sister she was cursed with, Agnes. She wants it all, ye ken.”
“All what?”
“Did Lady Katerina nay tell ye about her father’s will, his dying wishes and commands?”
“Nay, she didnae.”
William sighed and shook his head. “Mayhap if she had ye wouldnae be so quick to think her guilty. The old laird, Katerina’s father, chose five men to act as a council after he died, to hold final approval of any mon chosen by her or her half-sister. If the men dinnae approve of the mon and the lass chooses to wed him anyway, she loses. All she gets is a wee bothy and a bit of land on the far western edges of Dunlochan lands, and a verra wee dowry. The other lass gets all the rest. There is nary a doubt that the council would have approved of ye as a husband for our lady so Agnes had to be rid of ye. Can ye nay see now that our lady had no cause to do ye harm, that ’twas only to her benefit to keep ye alive so that ye might choose her as your wife?”
“Aye, but I can also see that, if Katerina thought I was turning to Agnes, it would be to her benefit to see me dead and gone.”
A sharp curse escaped William, but then he shrugged and turned all of his attention back to his carving. “As I said, I begin to think ye too daft to live. After all, if the lass truly wished ye dead, all she had to do today was leave ye to Ranald and his dogs and just let the bastard finish what he had started a year ago. Mayhap ye ought to think on that for a wee while.”
Lucas was thinking on it, but he would never admit it to William. It was the one thing that kept his doubts about Katerina’s guilt alive and pestering him. What she had done for him today did not change what had happened that long ago night, he told himself firmly. Perhaps she had been tormented by guilt and regret while they had been apart and could no longer condone his murder. Lucas knew he would be staying with Katerina and her men for now and intended to use the time to find the answers he needed to uncover all the truth.
Wearied from weeping, Katerina slowly dragged herself off her bed and bathed her face in cold water. The very last thing she wanted was for Lucas to see that she had been weeping. She still felt stunned by his accusations, but she refused to let him know how deeply they had hurt her.
Her stomach rumbled, demanding food, and she knew she would have to return to the hall to get something to eat. That meant facing Lucas again and she dreaded it. The pain was still too fresh. So, too, she realized, was the anger his accusations had stirred within her. It was clear that all his sweet kisses, his passion, had been false or he never would have condemned her so. A little doubt she could understand and forgive, but not this cold condemnation. He did not even give her denials a moment of consideration. Katerina doubted that even showing him the many scars she had gathered that day would sway him. She would have trusted him with her very life, but it was now clear that he had never trusted her at all.
The problem was what to do now, she mused as she poured herself some wine. Sipping the wine, Katerina paced her small bedchamber and thought about the best way to handle Lucas. Her first inclination was to just ignore the man, to cut him from her heart and treat him as a complete stranger. It was a good plan, if only because she knew it would annoy him to be completely ignored, but Katerina decided she would not be able to hold to that plan for very long. She had never even been able to ignore Agnes for long and no one angered her as her half-sister did.
That left her with the choices of spitting his anger and mistrust right back at him or trying to convince him that he was utterly wrong in his suspicions. The former might relieve her of any bile stirred up by being thought so poorly of by the man she had given her heart and innocence to, but it would make life very difficult for her men. The latter sharply stung her pride. Why should she have to convince him of the truth just because he was too witless to see it? Of course, when he did finally see the truth, she would have the pleasure of gloating. Men did so hate to be wrong, she thought, and suspected Lucas would suffer even more because of what they had once meant to each other.
“And that is something it would be wise to forget,” she muttered.
Especially since she may well have been utterly deceived in what she believed they had shared, she thought, and felt like weeping all over again. She ruthlessly buried the pain and tried to face the truth. The love she had thought she and Lucas shared may well have been a lie. Katerina knew she had loved him, and still did, fool that she was. However, what she had thought she had seen in Lucas may well have been no more than passion and they had certainly given in to that, short and glorious as it had been. Yet, even if she had discovered that Lucas did not love her and would soon leave her, she still would never have had him murdered and Lucas should know that. The fact that he could know her so little after what they had shared hurt, if only because it put all of his soft words and heated kisses into doubt, the memories of which she had treasured in the vain hope of easing her grief.
“Curse it, I but go round and round and make no decision,” she snapped and abruptly finished off her wine.
Before she faced Lucas again she definitely needed a plan, however. Proving him wrong and having him have to apologize was a good plan but it was really not enough. After all, that left her with no plan for what to do after he had groveled in abject remorse. The battle against Agnes, Ranald, and their minions might not be over and she and Lucas might still have to deal with each other as well as the lust they had shared.
She still loved the fool, still wanted him, and she could not ignore that or try to lie to herself about it. Although she could no longer trust in her judgment about what Lucas felt for her, Katerina was certain that the hurt he had dealt her had not killed her love or desire for him. She had the chilling feeling that she was incurable. Even now a part of her hoped it was all some horrible mistake and when she met with Lucas again he would apologize and take her into his arms to kiss away the pain.
“Fool,” she muttered and glared in the direction of the hall.
Then again, in his arms was where she truly wanted to be, she admitted to herself. If he finally saw the truth and gave her a pretty apology, there was no reason why she could not enjoy the passion they had shared so briefly once again. After all, she was no longer a maiden.
Katerina nodded and started out of her room. If Lucas came to see the truth and displayed an appropriate remorse, she would allow him to become her lover. She hesitated in her walk to the hall long enough to silence that fearful voice in her head that whispered that Lucas might no longer desire her. There was a year’s worth of unsatisfied hunger in her and she wanted it fed. Katerina also knew that she still wanted Lucas to be so much more than her lover. It would just take time to see if she could trust in him again, in his passion, and in all his soft words of desire. It would also take time to trust in her own judgment again and to forgive him, she decided as she entered the hall and met his narrowed gaze.
The man was too handsome for any woman’s peace of mind, she decided crossly as she approached the hearth and sat down next to William. A faintly ragged scar ran over his right cheek but it only added a touch of danger to his looks. He was still tall, lean, and strong despite the stiffness in his left leg