“You cannot be serious,” Jennette finally said.
“Think of your reputation,” Sophie added. “You have always managed to keep your reputation intact even when you scorned your cousin’s generosity and decided to live on your own. Taking a man to your bed will ruin everything you have strived to keep sacred.”
“Why would you do such a thing?” Jennette implored.
Avis stood and paced the carpet by the fireplace. “I have given this much thought.” She had thought of little else for the past week. She knew she couldn’t tell them the truth. They just would not understand. Instead, she recounted to them the lie she’d practiced all week. “I never feel I capture the true…true…essence of the relationship between my characters. I don’t understand physical love.”
“Surely you have been kissed before?” Sophie asked.
“No,” Avis denied far too quickly and then turned to avoid Jennette’s prying stare. Only Jennette knew about her one and only kiss. A kiss on a wager, and not her wager.
“Really?” Sophie shook her head as if unable to believe a person could reach the age of six and twenty and never have kissed a man.
“Avis, why now?” Jennette asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t been yourself since your birthday last week. Is there something you’re not telling us?”
Avis sighed. “I am twenty-six. There are nineteen-year-olds who know more about what happens between a man and a woman than I do.”
Sophie tilted her head and asked, “Can’t you just read a book about it?”
She had tried that already and look where she landed—feeling even emptier than before. “A book will not give me the answers I need,” she finally replied.
“You must rethink this plan,” Jennette started again. “Your reputation would be at risk. Everything you love—your chances of publication, the parties and balls you enjoy, even our friendship. My mother would never let me associate with you again if word of this reached her ears.”
“And if you get with child?” Sophie asked softly.
Avis had to admit this one complication had not crossed her mind. A child. She could never have a baby—a child meant a husband and she would never have one of those. “It will only be one time. I certainly won’t get pregnant the first time.”
Jennette chuckled. “Remember Susanna Lindsay?”
“How do we know she really did that only one time?” Avis asked.
“She swore it was one time in the garden at Lady Wentworth’s ball.” Jennette twirled a strand of black hair around a finger. “One time, Avis.”
“There are ways to prevent conception,” Avis countered. Although she had no idea what that might entail.
“There are ways to prevent an unwanted pregnancy but they aren’t foolproof,” Sophie said. “I’m a perfect example of that. I wouldn’t be here today if these methods were perfected.”
Avis supposed a bastard daughter of an earl and an actress might just know a little about prevention. She sighed and sat back against the sofa, deflated.
“What if you change your mind regarding marriage?” Sophie asked. “Many men would not be pleased to learn you’re damaged goods.”
“I will never marry,” Avis replied with conviction. “I understand my reputation might be at risk, and I understand the other risks. If I get with child I can sell my house and move to the country as a ‘widow.’”
She sipped her tea and continued before her resolve weakened any further. “But I have decided on the perfect man. One who would never let a soul know what we have done.”
“Who is your victim?” Sophie asked.
Of course they wanted a name. “I really shouldn’t say.”
“I daresay she doesn’t wish to kiss and tell,” Sophie said with a laugh. Her comment brought giggles from Jennette.
Her censorious glare did nothing to stop their irreverent laughter. “Very well. Emory Billingsworth.”
All laughter stopped and a strident silence filled the salon. Sophie frowned. Jennette looked concerned and neither of her friends spoke for a full minute.
“Mr. Billingsworth?” Sophie echoed.
Jennette shifted in her seat. “I’d heard a rumor of him with Lady Hythe recently. They have become quite close. Some even speculate she would be willing to accept an offer from him.”
“I am quite certain he would have told me about that,” Avis said with a wave of her hand in dismissal. “He tells me everything.”
“Why would he tell you about another woman when you are—”
“He tells me everything,” Avis said before Jennette could speak of the money Avis loaned Emory when he needed it. Only Jennette knew about the money, and only because she had overheard them one day.
“I know my brother thinks rather poorly of him,” Jennette remarked.
“Why?” Avis asked, not that it mattered one way or the other what Lord Selby thought of Emory. She had known Emory for three years and he was a perfect gentleman and friend to her.
“I don’t know for certain. I just know he doesn’t have a good thing to say about him.”
“Have you spoken with him yet?” Sophie asked.
“No. The last time he called was on my birthday. He’s been occupied writing his book.”
“Oh,” she said in obvious relief. “Are you certain he is the right man for you, Avis?”
“Of course. He is a writer like me. He’s a wonderful and caring friend.”
“Yes, but do you truly desire him?” Sophie asked softly.
Sophie’s question stopped her short. Emory was quite handsome with his blonde hair and brown eyes. Just because her dream lover appeared to have much darker hair didn’t mean anything. Besides, Emory would do anything she needed and not because he was in wild, passionate love with her, but because they were close friends. She had no need for wild, passionate love. She only wanted to discover what happened between a man and a woman and how it felt. Perhaps then her dreams would stop frustrating her.
“I do think Emory is perfect for me.”
Sophie’s gray eyes bore into hers. “If you say so.”
“I will talk to him at my cousin’s ball tomorrow night. It will be far easier for us to slip away from the crowd unnoticed.” Avis smiled up at her friends. “You will be there, won’t you?”
“I have plans with my Aunt Harris,” Sophie said quickly. Which Avis knew meant her cousin had scratched Sophie’s name off the guest list.
“Yes, my brother said Lord Watton has some business to discuss with him so we must attend,” Jennette replied.
Avis wasn’t surprised. The new Lord Watton had not been pleased when he discovered the title came with the ancestral pile in Wiltshire and not much else. The majority of wealth her father had generated during his lifetime went to Avis upon his death two years ago. More than likely her inheritance provided him some relief from his guilt, not that the money offered a salve to her wounds.
A knock on the door sounded and Lord Selby’s low voice resonated from the hallway.
Jennette glanced toward the doorway then leaned in closer. “Think carefully on what you are about to do, Avis. You might be making the biggest mistake of your life.”
Avis