Lily squared her shoulders. “I wanted so badly to find it before my friend, Jane. She looked again the next day, you know, but Mrs. James wouldn’t take me to the park because we had to come to Windmere.”
Hmm, dramatic and competitive, Rebecca thought, unsure about the origins of those qualities. She wondered what other things she would discover about the child, but then her attention was momentarily diverted from Lily by a loud commotion in the center of the nursery.
The earl was playing with a boy she judged to be seven or eight years old. The child was yelling and laughing with delight as Lord Hampton dangled him upside down. Beside them, two others were jumping with excitement, anxiously waiting their turn. Seeing all the fuss, several of the other boys abandoned the castle building and crept closer.
The sizeable group crowded in and the earl set himself on his knees. Making a menacing growl deep in the back of his throat, he spread his arms wide and swept up four of them. There were squeals of delight and excitement as they wrestled on the thick rug with great merriment, while the various nurses and governesses regarded the earl with an amused expression.
Rebecca was fairly amazed at the sight, highly doubting she would have been so calm if someone had riled her charges to this extent. Still, she was grateful for the distraction of noise and chaos, for it gave her time to gather herself.
She glanced over at Lily and a rush of longing filled her. Her heart was racing as she stared into a face that seemed so new and yet so familiar. This was her daughter. Her baby. There was joy, but there was sorrow.
Rebecca’s anticipation of this moment mingled strongly with a deep feeling of apprehension. Though more than anything she longed to see Lily, to spend time with her, the simple act of starting a conversation felt daunting. Fortunately the little girl did not have the same problem.
“Papa likes to play rough,” Lily explained. “’Tis something that boys do.” She shook her head as if puzzled by the entire concept.
“I remember my brother Daniel being much the same way,” Rebecca offered.
“You have a brother?” Lily asked. “Is he a little boy?”
“No. He is older.”
“Oh.” Lily shrugged with disappointment. “No matter. There are far too many boys here already.”
Rebecca glanced over at the earl, who by now had every male in the nursery under his spell. They were climbing on, over and under him, clinging to his back with arms clasped around his neck, tugging on his hair, laughing. It struck her how comfortable he appeared, how much he was obviously enjoying himself. Clearly, he was a man who should father many children, for he seemed to like them a great deal.
“Will you play with me?” Lily asked. “I have lots of paper dolls with pretty clothes. Nothing new, because Christmas hasn’t come. Papa will buy me all the latest fashions to dress my paper dolls, and my real dolls too, but we can play with the old clothes today.”
Rebecca swallowed hard, touched by Lily’s invitation. “That sounds like fun.”
Lily led her to a child-size table with two matching chairs. Gingerly, Rebecca sat in one, hoping it would hold her weight, while Lily retrieved her toys. She watched closely as the little girl opened the different boxes and carefully removed the contents.
Rebecca felt a tightness suddenly rise inside her. A powerful sense of regret for all that she had missed in Lily’s life, a bitter resentment at what had been so cruelly stolen from her. Pushing the feelings aside, she attempted a smile. Now was not the time to dwell on the unfairness of the past. She must seize this opportunity and make the most of it.
“This is Little Fanny,” Lily explained as she held out one of the paper figures. “She has five different hats.”
“She is pretty,” Rebecca remarked.
Lily shrugged. “Queen Victoria has much prettier clothes and lots of extra things, because she is very special. I like her best. Here is my ballerina, Marie. I will be Queen Victoria. Who do you want to be?”
“You decide.”
The child’s answering smile let Rebecca know she had said the right thing. They began an imaginary game with the queen and the ballerina and Rebecca had to agree that Queen Victoria did have an extraordinary wardrobe, one that could easily rival the silken fashions worn by real ladies. She had many outfits with a stunning array of accessories, a few of which Rebecca could not identify. And her clothes were not just made of paper, there were bits of cloth, real lace and tissue paper attached to several of the ball gowns.
Alas, poor Marie’s clothes were far simpler, though her dancing outfits were very frilly. Time flew by as Lily directed their play, deciding what was happening, where the dolls were going, what they were going to wear. Rebecca was delighted to play along, taking it all in, reveling in the chance to be with her daughter.
Secretly, Rebecca had been terrified that Lily would not like her. The uncertainty was not completely gone, but she was less worried, more confident. In gratitude, she turned to properly thank the earl for his generosity in allowing her this opportunity. But he had already left the nursery.
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