“It’s new. We use it to help the kids with their homework. You’d be amazed how much after-school studying there is for six-year-olds these days,” Kim said. Her children were gorgeous. Kim was so lucky to be able to conceive and give birth to the little girls.
“Let’s focus on getting me impregnated before my last five days following the HCG injection passes.” Mary recapped the blue pen and laid the dry erase marker in the trough. “I don’t know if going on a cruise is the best method to find a sperm donor.”
“I think it’s amazing for someone who has a morbid fear of needles to get twelve hormone shots in the ass,” Jenn said.
“Had to, and Conrad was by my side the entire time, so I had immediate support.” Mary grimaced. “You can’t imagine how much will power it took for me to go back that last time. At least I didn’t see the needle coming. My tender bum felt like it was being attacked by killer bees.”
“Not as much courage as it took to identify him as the robber of your store yesterday.” Kim stirred her drink.
“Yeah. Can you imagine your partner taking you to get shots to procreate in the morning and stealing all of your untraceable diamonds a few hours later?” Jenn nodded.
“Back to the basics.” Phoenix’s periwinkle blue gaze focused on the words displayed. “This might be a mad scheme and she might not even find someone compatible, so let’s keep her sorting agenda simple. How about a rating system from one to five, with the highest number being the best of the lot?”
Everyone nodded.
“Great, we’re all in agreement.” Mary chewed her tender, bruised lip and tapped the eraser board. “I must admit the donor chart is an innovative idea. I have a total of four days on the cruise. The first three will be used for sorting the prime from the slime. How do I ask questions to try and find the right candidate to provide safe sex without scaring him off?”
She had one chance. Her fertility doctor had spelled her current situation out very clearly. If she didn’t conceive within the next week, because of the Razor family curse, she’d have less than twenty percent future viability. Her Grandfather Keefe threatened to shut down the business and sell her ancestral home if she didn’t get married and provide an heir within a year. The store might be gone, but could she save her home? She had four months left to get pregnant. Half that if her percentage of viable insemination time decreased.
A baby. More than drawing her next breath, she wanted a child.
Six months ago she’d had a miscarriage, so her OB/GYN suggested a fertility regimen. Conrad had agreed, quickly and without blinking. He’d probably thought he wouldn’t be caught robbing her store, and they’d go on the cruise and get pregnant as if nothing unusual had happened.
Mary uncapped the marker and held the dark tip under the first line. “This one is self-explanatory. Organs?” She glanced at Kim. “You’re the doctor. Tell me what type of questions I should ask to get the most from the query?”
“Well, if you’re going to catch an eligible guy unaware, why not ask him about his habits?” Kim rubbed her chin, deep in thought. “If he has a good physique, his overall health will be obvious. If you see a man who drinks alcohol like a fish, I’d wonder about his ability to cope. His liver might not be in the greatest shape, and alcoholism might run in his family.” She stood and paced from the white board to the edge of the family room. “Over dinner or lunch, it will be easy to ask questions about his family history. Heredity is where the risk factors really lie and are those that can’t be changed. Especially when it comes to heart disease and stroke–”
“And?” Jenn interrupted.
“The trick will be to ask as many questions as you can in a casual manner and store all the information in your notes later. If possible you need to search his luggage for any drug use. I’ll write down meds associated with HIV and other diseases. You should abandon unsafe sex if you see any of those,” Kim finished.
“Mention your aunt provided the cruise because she died from heart failure. A few tears would be good,” Phoenix suggested.
“Yeah, every person I’ve ever talked to when an illness is mentioned, they have a comeback story.” Jenn flapped her thumb and fingers, imitating talking.
“The longer they rattle on, the higher number, and five will be a negative.” Phoenix removed her hair tie, pulled her light brown hair into a fresh tight ponytail, and bound the mass into a knot again.
Jenn squinted. “Maybe she’ll keep the same rating system for all of the categories, with one being the negative, like the guy who yammered on and on.”
“Do you think this is a cold-hearted way to create a family?” Mary bit her uninjured lip. Kim was right; needing to filter as much as possible from each candidate would be nerve-wracking and time consuming. Time wasn’t her ally. Her heart clutched as she remembered her doctor’s advice on getting pregnant. There wouldn’t be a better time than now. The future looked grim. Yet, shouldn’t a child be made from love, and not from a tube or a guy she’d only just met?
“No, think of it as the guy is a vessel, holding jewels. You’re simply going to heist them.” Jenn tapped her fingers on the top of her thigh.
“No she’s not,” Kim said. If the circumstances weren’t so gloomy, Mary would have burst out laughing at her aghast expression.
“Uh huh. Five-fingered discount.” Jenn pumped her hand in front of her pelvis.
“You’re disgusting. She’s going to get consent before having unprotected sex.” Phoenix glanced at Mary, as if to ask “right?”
“Yes. Of course I will,” Mary replied, while quickly reevaluating the plan.
“Look for yellow too, in the eyes, a faint tint to the skin. Yellow isn’t a good color for health. It means something’s wrong with his liver or bile duct.” Kim unlatched her leg and stood. She wiggled her toes in the plush cream carpet. “I’m going to get a T. Sunrise. Anybody else?”
“Me,” Jenn called from her position near the white board. She wrapped her gum in a slip of paper.
Phoenix rose. “I’ll take a coffee. I have a late night grading papers.” She trailed Kim into the sunny kitchen adjoining the family room.
“Nice will be easy to judge,” Mary said, loud enough to be heard over the ice dispenser.
“You can’t believe in the niceness of most people. Guys, especially on a single’s cruise, will be agreeable simply because, well, for obvious reasons–”
“What would that be?” Jenn’s sly expression got her a frown from Phoenix.
“They’re looking for an easy hook-up. Which will work in your favor,” Phoenix said.
“So, I’ll need to bash his favorite football team to get a rise?” Mary lifted an eyebrow. “Seems kind of mean.”
“Or heckle him during his karaoke,” Jenn added, as she walked into the kitchen and tossed her gum wrapper into the trash bin. “Like we do Phoenix after we’ve had a few drinks.”
“I know it makes me pissed off,” Phoenix muttered.
Mary joined them at the bar. In an effort to keep the space open, there was a small separation between the family room and the kitchen. Jenn had perched on the chrome bar stool. Kim was adding grenadine to a highball glass filled with tequila and orange juice. Mary glanced at each of them, noting they were mesmerized as the red syrup floated and eventually filtered down, creating a crimson base with the sun above. Kim held an acrylic stirrer. The flamingo’s pink head became the handle to swirl the liquid, creating a sunset effect. “Here you go, Mary, your drink is alcohol free ’cause