“Must have been difficult getting into the college scene after being a cop.”
I laughed. “Yeah, needless to say I didn’t fit in with those kids. In fact, I really didn’t even understand them half the time. By that time I’d already seen so much and lived to tell.”
“Why art?”
“Because it’s beautiful and intriguing. I find it fascinating that there is so much of ourselves put into the art that we as a species create. It’s amazing that even at our most primitive we were drawn to express ourselves. We see it repeatedly all over the world.”
“And that beauty drew you into the art world.”
“Yes. I want to believe that everyone has that kind of creativity and beauty in them. Those that can’t express it well, like me, can enjoy the work of others.” I cleared my throat. “At first I thought about going into teaching. The man I killed had been a teacher for nearly twenty years. I wanted to give back some of what I had taken.”
“You didn’t make that man come out of that car with a gun.”
“No.” I shook my head. “But if we’d arrested him the first time…maybe things would’ve been different. His behavior was erratic enough that we could have had him evaluated at a hospital or something.” My fingers tightened into a fist.
“I read the files, Jane. I know you and your partner were both cleared of wrongdoing in both incidents that day.”
My gaze snapped to his. “You read the files?”
“I still have friends in the bureau. It only took a few calls to get copies of the official reports.”
Disgruntled, I wondered why neither of my brothers had called to tell me that the FBI had pulled the case files on the shooting. They’d never hesitated in the past to keep me informed of information requests. Since I’d worked in several galleries over the years, my personal records with the Savannah PD had been requested more than once.
“Clark didn’t want to deal with the paperwork of an arrest.” My fingers tightened against my palms. Even saying that much had hurt. “That’s why we gave Leonard Daily a pass on the disorderly conduct. We told him to go home and cool off.”
“That isn’t in the report.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It isn’t. We both made that mistake and there was no way to get it into the report without making my partner look like a lazy cop, and I couldn’t have that. I would have taken all the blame if I could have.”
“So tell me about it.”
I sat up and grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed. “Okay. We’d been on duty about three hours when there was a call from a grocery story in our area. There was a man in the parking lot having hell’s own fit and raging at another customer. They hadn’t come to blows or anything by the time we got there. We separated them and sent them both home. We stupidly assumed they were strangers.”
“And the guy raising hell was the one you pulled over later.”
“No.” I shook my head. “We pulled Henry Jakes over about four hours later for running a stop sign of all things. He’d been on the receiving end of the verbal abuse at the grocery store. I wanted to take them both in and get everyone calmed down. Clark didn’t, and as always I gave in to him.”
“Henry Jakes went home, got his gun, and went after the man he’d argued with at the grocery store.”
“Yes, at least I’ve always assumed so. We should have taken one or both of them into custody, and because I didn’t go with my gut two men died that day.”
“They weren’t strangers.”
“No. There had been two previous physical altercations between them. Apparently, both of them had boys on the same Little League baseball team. Leonard Daily was an abusive loudmouth. Jakes and he had both gotten thrown out of a game over the weekend because Jakes told Daily to shut up and they ended up in a shoving match.” Two grown men who couldn’t let a bunch of little kids play a game like it was a game had caused so much death. I pressed my lips together briefly and then finally met his gaze. “His wife apologized to me. In the hospital after I came out of surgery. She was standing there beside my brother, her face puffy from crying. I think I knew the moment I saw her who she was. She told me that her husband was a good man. A good man who had been pushed around once too often. It wasn’t an excuse for him; what he’d done was wrong…but that was what he’d been. Then she apologized to me.”
“Must have been a hard moment.”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I killed her husband and she’s telling me she’s sorry for what happened. It was insane. I think a part of me would have preferred her screaming and yelling.”
“And your brother didn’t press you for details?”
“The whole damned department knew what happened. Savannah is really a small town that way. They all knew what kind of cop Clark was. No matter what I did, I couldn’t change that. I never committed it to paper and I never will. I won’t have a piece of paper in a file telling anyone that my partner, my dead partner, was a lazy cop. Or that I was a weak one for giving in to him.”
“He was the senior officer?”
“Yes.”
“Following his lead doesn’t make you weak, Jane. You were still quite green. Frankly, you should have never been placed with a cop like him. He certainly wasn’t a good role model for you to observe.”
“Clark was a good man.” I glared at him as if he might deny it. “And not all good men need a badge and a gun.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “Okay.”
“We all have things we’d do differently if we had the chance. Dwelling on the past solves nothing. For all you know, Henry Jakes could have gone home and gotten his gun regardless of what you did that morning.”
“Maybe.” I sighed and hugged the pillow tighter. “I’ve never said this out loud to anyone. I mean, even at the review hearing I just kept my mouth shut and answered the questions they had. But offered nothing additional. It was like we were all edging around the truth.”
“You can trust me.”
I knew that and it made me very nervous. After clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and nodded. “In the end, I knew I had to be true to myself, so I didn’t get a degree in education. Art gives me something that was missing before, something that I didn’t even know wasn’t there.”
“I see.”
“And it might not have value to you…but it does for others. Art can stir the soul and heart if you let it.” I waved my hand around in defeat. Discussing art with him would probably always be really frustrating.
“I understand the value of beauty.” He reached out and ran his finger along my jawline. “I also understand that there is no thing worth your life. I’ve seen plenty of death, and I know you’ve seen your share.”
“Yes.”
He cupped the back of my head with his hand and pulled me toward him. I sighed against his mouth as he kissed me. The danger of losing myself in this man was suddenly so real that I was overwhelmed. I pulled free and lay back against the headboard. Since hiding in the bathroom was not an option, I retreated to silence and tried to figure out why I was letting Mathias Montgomery turn me inside out.
I normally dumped men before they even came close to making me like them. What was wrong with just sex? Nothing. Not one damn thing had been wrong with it before. I glanced briefly at him