Take Her Man. Grace Octavia

come sniffing. That’s what got his attention in the first place—what he saw visually. If you can turn his head once, you can turn it twice more.

       3. Say You, Say Me—After you’ve adapted to your new look and flaunted it before his dancing eyes, it’s time to remember what things about your personality attracted your ex to you in the first place. Were you funny? Did you read him poetry? Did you laugh at all of his jokes? Whatever it was, remember it and remind him of those qualities by being yourself. Remind him of the cool you and the good times you two used to spend together—the camping trip in the Rocky Mountains, the fishing trip with his parents, the time you two had sex in a public restroom. This will make him begin to dwell on the past and remember that the grass was actually greener on your side…Don’t be surprised if you get a few late-night calls during this stage. He may even try to come back to you, but remember that every step of the plan must be completed to make sure he won’t go roaming again. He’s got to work to get you back.

       4. Fellas, There’s a Jealous Boy in This Town—Nothing gets a man’s blood boiling like plain old jealousy. Fight fire with fire by making sure your old beau sees you with a new one. And it can’t just be any new beau—this man must be fine and obvious competition. And if history repeats itself, as it always has with just about every man since the beginning of time, he’ll react by attacking the situation head-on. He’ll want to know who the guy is and where he came from. Out of anger and confusion, he may try to accuse you of sneaking around when you two were together. Don’t reveal anything. Be vague with your answers. If he asks what you two have been up to, say, ‘A little bit of this and a little bit of that,’ and then rush off of the phone, because your Chinese food is at the door. Now, the hardest part of this step is that his jealousy may lead him to try to get you back. And this doesn’t mean he’ll try to get you back mentally. He’ll try to get you back physically. Sorry to say it, but it’s kind of like how dogs pee on trees to mark their territory. If one dog even senses that another dog has urinated on his tree, he’ll try to spray his special scent all over it. Don’t be offended, of course. No one’s saying you’re a tree and no one’s peeing on you. It’s just a man law of nature. So, he’ll try to get you into the sack. But be strong. Cross your legs…um, fingers.

       5. The Damsel in Distress: Oops, I Did it Again—(This is a tricky one for all those independent sisters.) Though they try to act like they don’t, men love to feel needed. You can be the smartest woman alive, but don’t touch the damn barbecue grill, mama. He may admire you for this and initially be attracted to you because of your independence. But the day he realizes you don’t need him, he’s about as gone as last month’s period. Stop trying to take on the world all by yourself, sister. Create a random act of need…a kitten in a tree, you fell while bicycling, your apartment is being painted and you need a place to stay. Then ask for his help. And when the moment comes, simply thank him for being there for you during your time of need. Say, ‘I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.’ But the thing is, don’t appear too needy. Men hate needy women. So don’t turn on the waterworks, and whatever you do, don’t beg him for anything. Just allow his help to be at his suggestion—not yours. Remember, if you were successful with the first four steps, he’s dying to be with you. Think of him as a woman with a credit card (with no limit) and you’re a pair of suede Gucci boots…it’s about to go down. He will acquiesce, and if things go as planned, you will wake up the next morning by his side…leading to step…

       6. Let Your Feelings Be Known—Now it’s time to open up and let him know how you feel about him. Tell him how much you love him and how much it hurt when he left. Tell him how it feels when he holds you, how he makes you smile when you think you’ve run out of reasons. Don’t be pushy or suggest that you get back together. That’s his job after he hears you out. Don’t worry…he will. Remember, by this point, he’s panting, begging to be with you. His mind is telling him so many things and when you express your feelings in a noncommittal way, he’ll jump right in to claim his prize. That’s you.