I certainly wasn’t gonna lie about who I really am—certainly not to myself. Besides, it’s not like I went around advertising I’m a fag or anything. I just continued to act the way I always did.
So Diane eventually dumped Jack, making Lou a happy camper, even though she wasn’t gonna get her carpet munched anytime in the near future, since no sooner than Diane and Jack broke up, guess who she started going with next?
None other than the former love of Jack’s life: Joey Palladino.
Speaking of…
Back in the Choir room on “Top 25” day, I look over to see Diane hanging all over Joey while he’s trying to fill out his ballot. I can’t say I blame her. Like I said, he’s totally hot!
You should see him…He’s like 6’ tall, dark hair, dark eyes, totally muscular. He lifts weights at least five times a week. He always dresses super sharp in Guess? jeans, pegged at the bottom, and penny loafers sans socks. Again, I’m a sucker for bare ankles! He also wears this totally cool navy pea coat, and looks just like a Dago Donny Osmond when he grins.
“Who’s Jens Andersson?” I hear Joey ask.
“Got me hanging,” Audrey replies from where she sits with the sopranos. The way she’s chewing her pencil calls to mind the expression oral fixation.
Our Senior class president, Jamieleeann Mary Sue Good, fills us in. “He’s that new guy from Sweden.” Jamie should know—she’s friends with everybody.
For the first time since the ’70s, Hillbilly High has not one, but two foreign exchange students. One of them is the aforementioned Jens Andersson. He’s something like 6’4” and totally blond, so he sticks out like a sore thumb.
I met him briefly when we were both out smoking on Skid Row at the beginning of the school year. Standing there in his Varsity football jersey puffing on a Parliament, I remember him saying in his accented English, “All de kids are allowed to smoke in Sweden, ya!”
Joey tells Jamie, “I think I’ll vote for him…He seems cool.”
It’s a good thing Jack isn’t in Chorale to hear a comment like that.
Ever since this whole “Top 25” thing started, he’s been up on his soapbox preaching to everybody how it’s nothing but a big popularity contest. How the people who end up getting picked are the ones who do nothing for our school and have no spirit. If that guy Jens gets elected after being at HPHS for all of a month, Jack is gonna be sooo pissed!
“What about Maria Torres-Padilla?” I ask the girl sitting next to me, Tonya Tyler.
“She’s the foreign exchange chick from Bolivia,” Tonya answers, bare footsies up on the chair in front of her, flats on the floor beside it.
“Brazil,” Jamie Good announces, correcting her friend.
“She’s kinda hot, isn’t she?” I hear Joey say, joining in on our conversation.
“Hey!” Diane Thompson hisses. She hits him hard upon the massive shoulder.
“Don’t worry,” Joey replies. “You’re hotter.” Then he puckers up and plants one on her.
Personally, I always thought Joey’s gay.
Not that he acts like a fag or anything. But the only explanation I could come up with for his sudden interest in Diane Thompson after she broke up with Jack stemmed from Joey wanting to get back at him…But why?
This one time I came right out and asked Jack if him and Joey ever messed around back in 10th grade. He claimed they never did, which if you ask me, is totally lame on Jack’s part. If I had a friend who was half as hot as Joey Palladino and I suspected he might be the slightest bit faggy, I’d totally be all over him.
Anyways!
The next day we have an all-school assembly…
I’m sitting with Audrey, Jamie Good, Tonya Tyler, and the rest of Chorale. I don’t know why, but we always have these gatherings during 4th hour. Since it immediately follows lunch, everybody’s supposed to report directly to the auditorium. For the most part, people take it as an opportunity to skip. Especially the ones who got Mrs. Carey for French.
“Will the following Seniors please rise when I call their name?”
Up on stage behind the podium stands our Senior class advisor, Mr. Verlander. The thing only comes up to his waist, the man’s so tall. He must be at least 6’2”. As per usual, he wears a permanent-press shirt with a throwback-to-the-’70s wide tie. The second he speaks, his two-pack-a-day voice makes me totally wish I stopped by Skid Row prior to coming here. Instead, I arrived early to grab a good seat.
One by one, Mr. Verlander announces the “Top 25” for Homecoming ’87…
“Stephanie Adams.”
Co-captain of Vikettes, of course she made it. Stephanie is totally beautiful with long blond hair, green eyes, and legs for days.
“Kimberly Aielli.”
Another Vikette and Stephanie’s brown-eyed Best Friend.
“Jens Andersson.”
The Foreign Exchange student from Sweden.
What the fuck?
I look over to where Jack sits with Max in the center section of seats. They both got Consumer Ec this hour with some teacher I never had before, Mrs. Ireland. From the expression on Jack’s face, I can tell he’s pissed. Meanwhile, Jens doesn’t know what’s happening as he’s cheered on by his fellow Varsity football teammates to stand up.
“Angela Andrews.”
Yet another Vikette.
I can’t believe she was Max’s first girlfriend back in 7th grade. I don’t know how he ever scored her. She was (and is) still totally hot.
“Robert Berger.”
No surprise there!
As a Varsity football player, how could he lose?
“Mitchell Bloodworth.”
Another Varsity football player.
“Derrick Brown.”
And another.
I wipe my sweaty palms on the front of my pants. With the announcement of each name, my heart pounds harder in my chest. I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna die if mine’s not called…I’m a Band Fag and a Drama Queer, what can I expect?
“Karla Carlson…Melody Carnes…Walter Cieslak.”
Varsity cheerleader…Varsity cheerleader…Varsity wrestler.
I hope I’m not too overdressed.
Most of the football players got their jerseys on. Maybe I should have worn jeans like them? Here I am in brown slacks, a tan dress shirt, and matching cardigan I stole—I mean, borrowed—from Jack. The last thing I want is to look like I’m anticipating my name being called.
Finishing up with the C’s, Mr. Verlander moves onto the D’s…
“Natalie Davis.”
Co-captain of girls’ Varsity basketball.
“Kenneth Daw.”
Co-captain of boys’ Varsity basketball.
“Bradley Dayton.”
Band Fag and Drama Que—
Oh, my God…He fucking called my name!
Audrey whacks me on the shoulder. Like a dork, I stand up, trying not to look too enthused, yet wanting to convey how honored I am to be recognized.
Wanna know the totally stupid thing I do next?
I wave.