So what do we actually mean by play?
The first thing that springs to mind when we mention play is the use of toys. This can be misleading – abandon a non-autistic three-year-old in a room filled with unfamiliar toys and he will flit from one to the other, not really knowing what to do with them; he needs interaction with an adult – to be shown and helped so that later he can share the experience with another child. Often the interaction is more rewarding to the child than the toy itself; he delights in the adult’s delight at an object. In fact the adult’s reactions teach him how to react, which he can then generalize to a new type of a familiar toy.
The key to playing is therefore interaction. ‘But this is so difficult with my youngster’, I hear you say. It certainly is, especially if your child simply doesn’t understand that communication ‘means’ anything. The extent and quality of your interactions will differ according to your individual child’s level of disability but the effort (and you will need lots of it!) will be rewarding both to you and your child as you begin to build structures for learning and communicating in the future. Toys are tools or props to aid interaction through play, often the minimum or even no props are needed; a box, a cushion, a ball or you may adapt a game/toy that you already have.
Putting these ideas together should illustrate the fact that although teaching your child how to behave and respond in certain situations is useful, developing in him a real sense of enjoyment in interaction will further motivate him to seek out interaction (probably against the better judgement of his autistic brain) and allow him to develop socially to the best of his potential.
Using this book
Try to read Chapters 2, 3 and 5 to start off with. These chapters look at the general principles of using indirect non-confrontational play approaches with short bursts of structured directed play. They give you ideas of how to set about finding different pathways to access your child’s attention and how to create opportunities for him to interact and communicate, as well as tackling the practicalities of using and organizing the play equipment you already have. The rest of the chapters look at specific areas of play and are filled with practical ideas for how to approach them and maximize interaction opportunities and learning potential. Not all the play ideas will be appropriate for your child. Some are pitched at ‘difficult to reach’ children who may have additional learning difficulties; others are suitable for verbal, able children needing ongoing activities. Choose those suited to your child and the areas that you feel need to be worked on.
Chapter 2
Early Playing Skills: Gaining Attention and Sharing Space
What does ‘sharing space’ mean?
It means your joint attention is fixed on the same thing at the same time, both of you are probably experiencing the same reaction and both of you are aware that the other is involved. With non-autistic children this happens so naturally and so frequently that parent and child are oblivious to it. It happens without the need for analysis! As parents of children with autism we need to be aware of the processes at work so that, to begin with, we can consciously create a sense of shared space. ‘Sharing space’ is not simply about sharing the same physical experience, it’s about sharing attention, emotion and understanding, all of which are critical to early communication.
The drive to avoid
In contrast to their peers, young children with autism are actually motivated to avoid ‘sharing space’, to resist the discomfort that attempts at eye contact, physical contact and interaction from others can cause. Consequently they also avoid learning the benefits that communication brings or indeed learning that communication actually ‘means’ something to them. Through deliberate attempts to encourage your child to fleetingly share his attention you can move beyond his initial aversion to show him that communication is actually a good thing. Being able to communicate (in which ever way he can) will enable him to express his needs and emotions and understand the people and world around him in a way that can actually lessen his anxiety in the long run. Always be aware of the anxiety and discomfort that direct approaches to interact with your child may be causing him. Let your understanding of these feelings be reflected in gentle non-invasive interactions and where a direct approach is used, keep it to short comfortable bursts.
How do you try to ‘share space’ with a child with autism?
Before you can attempt to interact with your child at a level that might be called joint play, you need to bring about a realization in him that no matter how uncomfortable the feelings are, to share your space even for a few seconds is such fun and brings such benefits that it can override his drive to shut you out.
When parents become aware that their child has a reluctance to allow them into their ‘space’ (often noticeable around the age of 12–18 months, when we expect them to enjoy joint attention), we typically attempt the usual routes: making our voices extremely enthusiastic, physically pulling the child back towards us, talking louder (in case of a hearing problem) and usually resorting to the idea that ‘maybe he just wants to be on his own again’. Along the way some things might work, so thankfully we keep them up – rough-and-tumble, tickling, singing – they all seem to fleetingly bring about a response, but usually there is no method or structure to what we are doing. If you are lucky enough to have an early diagnosis then the deeper understanding as to why your child behaves this way may help – but where do you start?
Communication
How do you create a motivation to communicate?
Observe when your child is most accessible and jot down when these times are. It may be:
when he’s being tickled
when you sing to him
when you play rough-and-tumble
when he’s eating something he really likes
when he’s jumping on the trampoline
when he’s splashing in puddles
when he’s having a bath
when he’s relaxed and in bed.
It may be none of the above but something else, a time when he seems receptive, relaxed and willing to look at you (no matter how fleetingly). It may even be a time that you hadn’t noticed before, such as sitting in the car (ride as a passenger next to him one day and watch his reactions to you), or swinging in the park.
Once you have pinpointed these times, use them as periods when you really work on showing your child that communication with people means something – that it brings its own rewards.
