Joyce pours me a cup of tea. I sit on the floor beside her and we listen to her wireless. On the news Pagad is on the loose again. Another policeman was shot dead in his home.
“You know, Zu-zu, these Pagad mense they say they are God’s people but they preach the devil’s work.”
“Yes, Auntie.”
“You must stay away from them, you hear, Zu-zu.”
“Yes, Auntie.”
“And the gangsters. If I ever hear that you are a member of a gang you can forget about Auntie ever giving you food or banking your money. Do you hear me?”
“Me, Auntie, I’m not like them. I’m not a moegoe.”
“You must promise me this, Zu-zu. Say you’ll never be a member,” she says and looks at me with a schoolteacher’s serious eyes.
“I promise, Auntie.”
“No, you mustn’t promise. Say it. I want to hear you say it.”
“I promise not to be a member, Auntie.”
“That’s good, Zu-zu, that’s good.”
We sit in silence for a while and listen to the rest of the news. After a while I tell Auntie that I must be on my way.
I go to Green Point where Allen works as a pimp. I find him standing under a large blue-gum tree talking to one of his white girls. They are arguing about something. I stand back because I know Allen’s temper. He’s killed someone before and I saw the whole thing happen. Knowing him has actually helped me a lot on the streets. I can’t say that we are friends. But if I’m ever in trouble I just have to say that I know Allen and I’m usually left alone.
“Why must I fucking work today?” she yells at him, her pupils like saucers. Stupid woman, she’s high.
“Because I told you so, bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are? Don’t pull this shit on me just because you’ve just had your rock.”
“I don’t see why I have to work today. I haven’t had a day off in two weeks, Allen. What about my pussy?”
“Fuck you,” he punches her and she falls flat on her face in the street. A car drives near her and hoots at Allen. “You and your pussy, fuck you. You’re full of shit.” He goes on and grabs her by the hair.
That’s the problem with the white bitches. I find that they never know when to shut up and here the ouens don’t give them a chance. They are heavy-handed. They just whack. And if that doesn’t do it, they naai and then they fuck them up even more.
“You weren’t complaining yesterday when that client paid you a three hundred rand tip. Don’t think I don’t know about that, bitch. I know about it. You can’t hide anything from me, meisietjie. Daai glad hare, it does nothing for me. This isn’t Joburg,” he continues slapping her. “I’m going to moer you for your mouth, you must learn when to shut up.”
By this time she has a serious cut under her left eye and bruises all over her face. Her clothes are also torn. He grabs her by the scruff and bundles her to his flat which is on the same road. People walk by.
“What the fuck do you want?” he says as he walks past me.
I show him forty bucks. That’s the only thing Allen understands best – money. He doesn’t answer. He just calls me with his head. The white girl is bleeding but she doesn’t cry.
“I should naai you for all the shit you cause, you stupid bitch,” he says and throws her on the couch that looks flea-ridden. The cats scurry away. She doesn’t say anything.
“Go clean up before I fuck you up again,” he yells, the devil in his eyes. He kicks her hard in the ass as she gets up. She falls on her face and starts crying.
“Get up, you cunt! Poes! Fokken naai!”
She gets up slowly and goes to the bathroom.
“Now what the fuck do you want? And who said you could sit down? Fuck off your naai, get up,” he turns to me.
“Allen, I need shoes,” I say looking at his feet.
“Fuck off, why didn’t you come yesterday?”
I wait for him to slap me but he doesn’t.
“Hei, what’s your fucking problem? Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He straightens my head by the chin.
I look at him, hiding the terror in my eyes.
Unexpectedly, he smiles and shows off his mouth of mostly gold fillings.
“You’re my my laaitie, you know that? Where’s your money?”
I give him the moistened notes.
“Wait here,” he says. “Don’t sit. I’ll have a look in the bedroom.”
On the floor around me there are boxes of stolen items, things that Allen or whoever it was got from house breaking. A pair of Reebok tackies that look like my size stare at me from the corner. Allen returns with ten-rand flip-flops. He throws them at me and says I must return in three days’ time to get proper shoes. What he means is that I must return in three days’ time with more money. And when I do I must not say anything about today, otherwise he will beat the living shit out of me. He’s like that, Allen; you must never remind him of anything. He knows everything. I take off my shoes with holes at the bottom and put on the thin strops. Give me those ones, he orders me. I nearly hesitate but give him. What is he going to do with them? I walk out his flat and try not to think of my money as wasted but as protection money.
I can walk a little safer knowing that Allen has my money. Money is his language. It’s the only thing he remembers, everything else is unimportant. I wouldn’t be surprised tomorrow if he asked that girl who beat her up. Of course she would be forced to say that someone else beat her up in fear of upsetting him again. And then another stupid argument would start and more blood and tears. He’s totally messed up, Allen. I don’t know if he’s crazy or just likes playing games.
I feel tense and walk towards the bridge hoping that Liesel will be there.
I’ve learned something from Allen and that is money is everything. It’s everything because you can get a house and call the shots. When you’re dressed properly grown-ups give you a bit of respect. But as long as I’m me and have no home and wear tattered clothes Allen will never give me proper clothes because that would mean that I can look like him. And no one who knows Allen looks like him. He makes sure of that. Even if it means he strips you himself. He always has to outdress you, outsmart you. It’s his way. It’s the grown-up way. He only wears Nike shoes and expensive jeans and tops. He always gives me clothes that are just about to fall apart, so that I’m always dependent on him. So that I will always go back to him for more and spend my money on him. But I understand. I have to do it. It’s the only way I can be safe on the streets. There are too many monsters out there.
4
I get to the bridge and find that Liesel is not there. So I hang around Ma Zakes’ spaza shop with Sealy. He buys me mageu and rolls a joint.
“Keep an eye out for the pigs,” he says.
“Sure.”
“Where were you last night?”
“Why?”
“Gerald fucked up this one guy with a goni because he called him driver as he got into his cab.”
“Who was that stupid naai?”
“Liesel’s