This was thought a good joke, and so it was circulated through the House, inasmuch as that, when we broke up at seven o’clock on the Saturday morning, one of the ministers, a young soft-headed lad, took hold of me by the arm, in the lobby, and inquired, in a jocund manner, if I had got a convincing reason. I gave him thereupon a nod and a wink, and said, ‘Not yet; but I expected one soon, when I would do myself the honour of calling upon him’; which he was very well pleased to hear, and shook me by the hand with a cordiality by common when he wished me good night, – ‘trusting,’ as he said, ‘that we should soon be better acquainted.’ ‘It will not be my fault,’ quo’ I, ‘if we are not.’
With that we parted; and I could see by the eye in my neck that he thought, with the light head of youth, that he had made a capital conquest, by his condescension.
Now, this small matter requires an explanation, for the benefit of other new members. If a man has all his eyes about him, he will soon discern that a ministry, if it has three or four decent, auld-farrent men, is for the most part composed of juveniles – state ’prentices – the sprouts and offshoots of the powerful families. With them lies the means of conciliating members; for the weightier metal of the ministers is employed in public affairs, and to the younkers is confided the distribution of the patronage, – for a good reason, it enables them to make friends and a party by the time that they come, in the course of nature, to inherit the upper offices.
I had not been long in the House till I noticed this; and as my object in being at the expense of going thereinto was to make power for myself, I was not displeased at the scion of nobility making up to me; and I have uniformly since found, that the true way of having a becoming influence with government, is slily to get the upper hand of the state fry.
But, on this occasion, there was a personal reason for my so cleverly saying I would call on him for a convincing reason. My second cousin, James Gled, when he saw my election in the newspapers, wrote to me for my interest, knowing that I would naturally be on the side of Government, and stating that the office of distributor of stamps in our county was soon to be vacant. So it just came into my head in the nick of time to make a pleasant rejoinder to my lord; and accordingly I was as good as my word; and to make the matter as easy as possible, I told him, in my jocular manner, when I called, that I was come for the convincing reason.
I could see that he was a little more starched in his office than in the lobby; but I was determined to be troubled with no diffidence, and said, ‘My lord, you’ll find me a man open to conviction – a very small reason will satisfy me at this time; but, to be plain with your lordship, I must have a reason, – not that I say the Government is far wrong, but I have an inclination to think that the Opposition is almost in the right.’ And then I stated to his lordship, in a genteel manner, what James Gled had said to me, adding, ‘It’s but a small place, and maybe your lordship would think me more discreet if I would lie by for something better; but I wish to convince his Majesty’s Government that I’m a moderate man, of a loyal inclination.’
His lordship replied, ‘That he had every inclination to serve an independent member, but the King’s government could not be carried on without patronage; he was, however, well disposed to oblige me.’
‘My lord,’ said I, ‘if I was seeking a favour for myself, I would not ask for such a paltry place as this; but I’m a man that wants nothing: only it would be a sort of satisfaction to oblige this very meritorious man, Mr. Gled.’
We had then some further talk; and he gave me a promise, that if the place was not given away, my friend should have it.
‘I’m very much obliged to you, my lord, for this earnest of your good-will to me; and really, my lord, had I thought you were so well inclined, I would have looked for a more convincing reason’: at which he laughed, and so we parted. But, two days after, when the vacancy was declared, he said to me, with a sly go, ‘That I was a man very hard to be convinced, and required a powerful argument.’
‘My lord,’ quo’ Ι, ‘I did not hope to be taunted in this manner for applying to your lordship to serve an honest man with such a bit trifling post.’
‘Trifling?’ he exclaimed; ‘it is a thousand a-year at least!’
‘Well, my lord, if it be, Mr. Gled is as well worthy of it as another; I want nothing myself; but if your lordship thinks that the Government is to be served by over-valuing small favours, my course in Parliament is very clear.’
His lordship upon this was of a lowlier nature than I could have expected, and therefore I reined myself in to moderation; for I saw I had gotten an advantage, and in more ways than one. This was the case; for in my Indian ignorance I thought a distributor of stamps was some beggarly concern of a hundred a-year, but a thousand was really past hope; it was, however, not judicious to think so before my lord.
CHAPTER SEVEN
When I came to consider that the place I had gotten for my relation James Gled was so very lucrative, I really felt as if I had committed a mistake, and was very angry with myself; but in reflecting a little more upon the subject, I saw that it might be turned to great public good: for inasmuch as the places and posts of Government belong to those members and others that get nothing else for their services in support of Government, a judicious man will husband his share of them, so as to make the distribution go as far as possible. Accordingly, as I well knew that two hundred and fifty pounds a-year would have been a most liberal godsend to James, I thought that if it were three it would be a great thing, and that there would be seven hundred over, to apply to other public purposes. I thereupon wrote to him, and said that I had got the place for him, but that his salary was to be three hundred a-year, the remainder being subject to another disposal.
In due course of post I received a most thankful letter for my beneficence, agreeing most willingly to be content with his share of the allowed emoluments. When I got this letter, and got James established in his place, I then bethought me of the most judicious appropriation that could be made of the surplus; and there anent I called to mind a son that I had in the natural way, who was in the army. To him I portioned out three hundred pounds per annum, for he had been a very heavy cess on me, notwithstanding he was serving his king and country; and this, it will be allowed, was as correct a doing as any arrangement of the kind; far more so than that of those who have large pensions themselves, from which they make allowances to their sons, although these sons be of the patriots that make speeches to mobs and multitudes, declaring themselves as pure men, unsullied by any ailment drawn from the people; which is, in a sense, no doubt, the fact, for their allowances are from their fathers.
Having given the three hundred to Captain Jobbry, I then thought of old Mrs. Hayning, my aunt, who was the widow of the minister of Dargorble, and had nothing but her widow’s fund to live upon. So I gave her one hundred pounds, which, it will be allowed, was to her a great thing, and it was a very just thing; for as the clergy have no right to make money of their stipends, if they keep up their station and act charitably, the nation should provide for their widows. The remaining three hundred I stipulated with James Gled should be laid aside in the bank, year by year, to be a fund from which I should, from time to time, contribute to public subscriptions; and few things in my life have