LA MÔLE
As you see, sir—not yet, I am considering.
COCONNAS
Not yet? The house is still gratifying.
LA MÔLE
Yes, doubtless—this is a dainty painting, but that is exactly what makes me doubt the reality. Paris is full of cheats, I am told, and they can cheat with a sign just as well as with anything else.
COCONNAS
Oh! That doesn’t worry me. I mock cheats. If our host furnishes me with a bird less well roasted than that on his sign, I will skewer him—and I won’t stop until he’s well done—that ought to reassure you, sir.
(he dismounts)
Let’s go in.
LA MÔLE
(dismounting in his turn)
You’ve finished by deciding me, sir. Sir—show the way, I beg you.
COCONNAS
Ah! On my soul, I can’t, for I am your humble servant, the Count Hannibal Coconnas.
LA MÔLE
And I, sir, am your devoted Count Joseph de Levac de La Môle—completely at your service.
COCONNAS
In that case, sir, let’s lock arms and enter together. Say there, Mr. Host of the Beautiful Tower, Mr. Bumpkin, Mr. Clown.
LA HURIÈRE
Ah, excuse me, sir, I didn’t see you.
COCONNAS
You must see us—it’s your business.
LA HURIÈRE
Well, what do you want, gentlemen?
COCONNAS
(to La Môle)
He’s better already, isn’t he? Well, attracted here by your sign, we expected to find a supper and a bed in your hostel.
LA HURIÈRE
Gentlemen, I am in despair. There’s only one free room in the hostel. And I fear you wouldn’t like it.
LA MÔLE
Ah! My word, so much the better. We will go elsewhere.
COCONNAS
Not at all. Do as you please, Mr. La Môle, but I am staying. My horse is worn out—and I take the room—since you don’t want it—besides, they positively told me about this hostel.
LA HURIÈRE
Ah! That’s another matter. If you are alone—I cannot lodge you at all.
COCONNAS
By God, on my soul, a pleasant creature! Just now we were two too many. Now we are not enough for one. Look here, you don’t want us to stay, comedian?
LA HURIÈRE
My word, since you take this tone, I will tell you frankly, I would much prefer not to experience the honor.
LA MÔLE
And why?
LA HURIÈRE
I have my reasons.
COCONNAS
Doesn’t it seem to you we are going to massacre this character?
LA MÔLE
It’s likely.
LA HURIÈRE
(sneering)
One can see these gentlemen have come from the provinces.
COCONNAS
And why’s that?
LA HURIÈRE
Because in Paris, it’s no longer in fashion to massacre innkeepers who refuse to rent their rooms. It’s the great Lords who are massacred and not the bourgeois. Witness the Admiral, who yesterday received such a famous volley. And if you yell too loud, I am going to call the neighbors, and you will be beaten—treatment unworthy of two gentlemen.
COCONNAS
But this wise guy is mocking us, it seems to me.
LA HURIÈRE
Gregory—my arquebus.
COCONNAS
(drawing his sword)
Damn! Aren’t you boiling, Mr. La Môle?
LA MÔLE
Not at all! For while we are boiling, our supper is freezing—
(to La Hurière)
My friend, for how much do you ordinarily rent your room?
LA HURIÈRE
A half crown a day.
LA MÔLE
Here are eight crowns for eight days. Have you anything else to say?
LA HURIÈRE
My word, no—and with such manners. Come in, gentlemen, come in.
(La Môle passes first, followed by Coconnas.)
COCONNAS
Even so! I have real trouble in putting my sword back in its scabbard before assuring myself that is has pricked the fat of this clown!
LA MÔLE
Patience, my dear companion! All the inns are full of gentlemen drawn to Paris by the marriage festivities and by the next war with Flanders. We probably couldn’t find another room.
COCONNAS
By God! You’ve got cool blood, Mr. de La Môle. But let that rascal take care of himself! If his cuisine is bad—if his bed is hard—if his wine isn’t three years old—if his valet is not supple like a reed—it will be my affair.
LA HURIÈRE
(putting away a large knife)
There, there, sir, you are in the land of Cocaine. Calm down.
(aside)
He’s some Huguenot. These traitors are so insolent since the marriage of their Bearnaise with Princess Margot.
(smiling)
It would be funny if two Huguenots came to me today—St. Bartholomew’s day—
COCONNAS
So, Count, tell me, while they are preparing our room for us, do you find Paris a gay city?
LA MÔLE
My word, no. It seems to me to have only frightening and surly faces—perhaps the Parisians are also afraid of the storm. See how black the heavens are—and how heavy the air.
COCONNAS
You will be going to the Louvre, right? After doing me the honor of conversing with me.
LA MÔLE
Yes.
COCONNAS
Well, if you like, while waiting for supper, we can find it together.
LA MÔLE
We could dine first?
COCONNAS
Not me! My orders are precise, to be in Paris on Sunday the 24th of August and go directly to the Louvre.
LA MÔLE
Let’s go—so be it. It is well, says Plutarch, to accustom one’s soul to sadness and one’s stomach to hunger—
COCONNAS