“Don’t you start, Mom! And it’s no more rude than having the impertinence to pick out something as personal as luggage and force it on me under the guise of a gift.”
I smiled. At least I was familiar with the way this wind blew. Cassie and her grandmother had been fighting the same old battle since she was old enough to talk.
Cassie had to park the rental car down on the road because of the fallen tree across the driveway. I helped her unload her things and carry them up the hill without giving any thought to the effort it took. It wasn’t until we had finished and were sprawled out on the back porch enjoying some iced tea that I remembered I was supposedly having a heart attack. I was hot and sweaty, but the old ticker was beating with a calm regularity beneath my breast.
“You’re really good for what ails me, sweetie,” I grinned.
Cassie looked at me with quick concern.
“What’s wrong, Mom? You’re not sick are you?”
I knew better than to alarm her. It had taken quite a few therapy sessions before she had overcome the abrupt way she had lost her father. I was sure that fear was still there, not far beneath the surface.
“No, of course not, darling. Slightly shaken, only. The tornado threw me a bit, that’s all. We were really lucky. It could have been a lot worse.”
“Absolutely! And that’s what scared you half to death. You realized how random the world is—that really bad things can happen without any rhyme or reason—and you have no control whatsoever.”
I sat up closer to the edge of my chair and leaned towards her.
“Then why didn’t Gran react the way I did? Why isn’t she having aftershocks like me?”
“Are you kidding,” laughed my daughter. “Gran would never admit that she doesn’t have absolute control over everything all the time. I’m sure she thinks she either prayed or willed away the storm and saved the day.”
I lay back in the chaise and took a long sip of tea. What Cassie said made sense. In San Romero we had been in great physical danger, but there was something we could do to save ourselves. I had been too busy saving our hides to worry about anything.
“I was scared, too,” admitted Cassie in a quiet little girl’s voice. “I heard about it on the radio this morning. When they said six people were killed…”
I hopped up immediately and hugged my child. My fears were silly next to the memory of her childhood terror.
Chapter Six
It didn’t occur to Cassie that Aggie was in absentia until that night before we went to bed.
“When can we pick puppy up from the kennel?”
“Uh, we need to talk about that, pumpkin, but let’s wait until tomorrow morning after breakfast,” I added hopefully.
“Okay, Mom. Come clean. What’s going on? What did Aggie tear up? I’m sure she was terrified during the storm. Did she ruin one of Gran’s holier than holy, more precious than gold, oriental carpets?”
I was helping Cassie unpack. I sat down on the edge of her bed with an armful of tee shirts.
“You still have my old tee from Elton’s concert?” I asked, admiring Versace’s beautifully intricate silk-screened design of the shirt on top of the stack.
“Don’t change the subject, Mom. How much crow am I going to have to eat to get Aggie back in Gran’s good graces? I really missed that silly puppy. And I know she’ll go crazy when she sees me. It’s been over six months.”
“Cassie, she disappeared during the storm,” I said quietly.
“Oh, yeah, just like Toto! And Gran thought I would buy that?” she laughed. “You all will have to do better than that.”
“It’s true, honey. We were outside taking a walk. I didn’t even know a storm was coming until it was practically on top of us. I was running back to the house when I slipped and fell on the patio. I guess it knocked the stuffing out of me because things got kind of fuzzy after that. Your grandmother grabbed me and took me to the closet under the stairs. We both thought Aggie was with us. We didn’t notice she was missing until the tornado had passed,” I finished miserably.
Cassie stared at me for a long moment until the truth of what I was saying sank in.
“Oh,” she whispered. Huge tears slid down her cheeks and made big wet splotches on the front of her nightgown. “Oh.”
“I’m so sorry, Cassie. Your grandmother…”
“Don’t tell me Gran is soooo sorry, too,” she crooned sarcastically through her tears. “You and I both know she hated Aggie from the minute we brought her home!”
“That’s not fair, Cass. Your grandmother was more than patient with Aggie, and you, too. You never trained her properly, you know.”
“That’s right! Turn it around on me! You lose my wonderful little dog, and it’s all my fault!”
She slammed her closet door shut and grabbed the shirts from me.
“I’m suddenly very tired, and I want to go to bed. I can finish unpacking by myself. I know how to take care of my things and it’s obvious that you don’t.”
“Cassie, please, you’re being unreasonable,” I pleaded.
“Unreasonable? Is it so unreasonable to expect your own mother to take care of the most important thing in your life? I trusted you!” she cried. “She was just a tiny little puppy. So helpless and innocent!”
“Innocent as a viper!”
“That’s right! Vilify her, now that she’s gone!” snarled Cassie.
“Hell! I vilified her when she was here and peeing on the carpet, but I never mistreated her. Even when she was using me for a chew stick.”
“She only snapped at you a couple of times.”
“Cassandra, your precious little canine sent me to the doctor twice. Do you know just how foolish I felt when I had to admit my own dog bit me?”
“Well, you’ll never have to do that again, will you? You should be ecstatic!”
She was sobbing for real now, her face crumpled in misery. I stood up and made a move to approach her, but she ran into her bathroom and locked the door. I knew from long experience that we were done for the night, maybe even for the next few days. Cassie had grown up a lot, but she could really hold a grudge when she was mad enough.
I trudged off to my bedroom, shaking my head and wondering how things went so wrong so quickly. Tonight should have been a relieved and happy one for us. Instead, I felt a leaden sadness that weighed down my limbs and pulled at my lower lip.
What I missed the most when Cassie was gone were the late night chats full of giggles and grins that lasted sometimes until dawn. I had thought tonight would be one of those happy times when we would laugh and share the joys and misfortunes of what had taken place when we were apart. I certainly hadn’t anticipated this turn of events.
I looked forlornly in the mirror while I brushed my teeth. The reflection of the silly woman who had so mismanaged a delicate situation with her hurt and disappointed child stared back at me.
“You old fool!” I snapped angrily.
By the time I put on my pajamas and crawled into bed, I was mad at Cassie again. After all, she was a grown woman. She shouldn’t have placed the blame for Aggie’s demise solely on my shoulders. But then, I thought, that’s exactly where it did belong. I was responsible. I had taken the dog outside. I should have exercised more caution with the poor creature.
I cried myself to sleep.
I slept late