Sharing our private moments and opinions on a large scale, rather than one-to-one, has immersed us in a world where the average person is performing on a daily basis for an audience or fan base.
The entrance of a more visual platform such as Instagram has taken this fame-game and its associated insecurities to new heights.
Conversation style has changed radically thanks to texting, social media, and other online conversations, and online chat; we are simultaneously a whole lot more personal as well as more succinct. Instagram has given those who prefer visual expression to text some relief from words. Another is the use of far more emotive, visual content from emojis and gifs to live or pre-recorded mobile video.
After I got over that initial crisis of ego, I learned instead to share things that are genuinely close to my heart that I think others can relate to.
The other aspect that’s shifted due to social media is the willingness to get personal - genuinely personal! Despite all the heavily curated online personas and heavy-image editing most have developed a much better sixth sense for authenticity.
The global financial crisis also had a lot to do with the rise of the more authentic conversations, as well as have all the large-scale natural disasters, terrorist events, and wars in the recent past decades. It’s no longer just about the money or the fame that fuelled the reality TV generation. Communicating is now more closely linked to sense-making.
The world has also been through some very intense years economically over the past decade. Many are tired of feeling like a number or a machine; instead, they want to have real conversations about real issues with real people.
Being your authentic self in the public eye is also a skill. And it takes a bit of experience to get it right.
The best 'shortcut' to authenticity is to harness your conversation to something you are genuinely passionate about. That way, the passion takes over, drawing you into the moment, while propelling your natural personality to centre stage.
Jargon-busting
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. Nelson Mandela
Authenticity comes from within, but even the most genuine people can come across as insincere or lacking connection when they use the wrong words.
Nothing kills good communication faster than jargon—words or phrases that are well understood by industry insiders or small groups but make no sense to the outside world. Jargon and clichéd phrases that have become meaningless are common barriers to real impact across both written and spoken channels.
The opposite can be said about ordinary conversation: using everyday words and accessible language is key for impact. Less is certainly is more when it comes to communication, and sometimes using one word in the place of several can add great impact to a spoken or written sentence.
Here is a list of a few everyday examples of remote language (on the left) versus relatable language (on the right).
You can't sell a negative
Fresh out of journalism school, I was hired as a marketing assistant by a high-profile female entrepreneur. Virginia was a challenging and forthright woman in her fifties, one of our first showdowns happened in the first week when she rejected the brochure copy I had spent several days crafting.
Instead of going over the work with a red pen, as I had expected, Virginia simply said she wanted me to rewrite everything focusing on the positive. “Negativity never sells. People are attracted to benefits, not negatives,” she told me.
The journalist in me reared up in protest. In the news world, a negative news angle grabbed people’s curiosity—it was a necessary evil to draw an audience to your message. However, it was clear from her face there was no opportunity for debate, and so I dutifully, but reluctantly, rewrote the content of both items focusing on the benefits.
Aside from wanting to keep my job, I felt compelled to bow to Virginia’s experience because she had built her thriving, award-winning business on the foundation of her marketing expertise. It took me many more years to truly understand what she was telling me about human psychology.
I later learned that not only does a negative tone of voice repel, it also assigns the attributes of the negative to the speaker or the brand. For example, if someone is advertising a new brand of skin product by focusing on their competitors’ shortcomings those shortcomings are sub-consciously assigned to the advertiser’s own brand.
The same principle works in everyday speech. Have you noticed the inner cringe that occurs when someone starts a sentence with something such as: "Don’t take this personally,” or “No offence,” or “I don’t mean to suggest that” (fill in the blank). Many struggle to think about anything other than the personal attack that is about to occur when they hear those sorts of phrases.
In a child’s brain, negatives are processed as a positive. So, starting sentences with “don’t” or “stop doing…” tells the child to do exactly that thing. Therefore, language such as "don't run across the road" is really subconsciously translating to the opposite: "run across the road." We may have a stronger sense of social protocols and a greater ability as adults; however, in my experience our minds aren’t really that different.
This language challenge can easily be overcome. Years in public relations has taught me that within every negative there is a positive. All we need to do is flip the negative to a positive, or neutralise it, by asking an open question rather than making a negative statement.
For example, if your message is “Don’t go to bed without brushing your teeth,” simply change it to “Always brush your teeth before bed.” In this manner, you are embedding the positive part of your message, rather than seeding a negative habit. If you are concerned about the damage pollution is doing to the environment, rather than lecturing people on the damage, which is alienating, focus on the actions you want individuals to take to stop this. If you are trying to find a cure for a certain type of cancer, focus your message on who will benefit, rather than on the suffering.
Unfortunately, political campaigns are still largely based on negativity and attack. As a consequence, while this sort of campaigning might be successful at unseating the incumbent political party, the consequence is that the public loathes all parties, while tolerance for political leaders is at an all-time low.
However, if you study the successful leaders and marketers, you will find brands that are almost exclusively focused on the positive aspect of their message.
EXERCISE
Go through your content, starting with a recent presentation you gave or a piece of written communication such as a blog post. Think about how you come across—is it your real voice? How down-to-earth and connected is the language you use? How do you leave people feeling? Is your overall message focused on the positive rather than the negative or the problem?
If you feel there’s an authenticity gap, try rewriting some of it, while letting more of your true voice and feelings come through. Let your passion for the topic bring your message alive. And if it doesn’t, consider whether or not you are focusing on the right topic.
Make certain your main take away message is a positive. Keep flipping it over until you find it.
Tips for getting real
Lose the formal language: use words and expressions you hear in everyday conversations when you write and speak. We don't “utilise things,” we “use them.” We don't say, “Therefore, and herewith, or hence” when we talk.