I must move forward, without any fear,
And wait for those sounds…
Again to appear.
Though you may not know anyone living with Alzheimer’s disease personally, I would dare say that will change during your lifetime. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, Alzheimer’s disease is the 6th leading cause of death in the United States. Every 65 seconds, someone in the United States develops Alzheimer’s disease. It is estimated by mid-century, the number will develop into one person every 33 seconds (Alzheimer's Association, 2019). Unfortunately, there is currently no known cure for this terrible disease. After you read my first-person account of living with Alzheimer’s, my hope is that you will implore patience, kindness, and understanding to those living with the disease. In addition, I hope that caregivers and families will have better insight of what their loved one may be going through, during the process of living with the disease. Finally, it is my biggest hope that one day soon the cure for this terrible disease will be found. Until such a day exists, be kind to one another and remain patient.
Chapter 1: BETTER DAYS
Before the Alzheimer's Diagnosis
I have not always lived with Alzheimer’s disease. I was born in Hampton, Virginia, in April of 1965, and my parents named me Donald Lee Talbott, Jr., a nod to my dad. My parents were very young when I was born; and I would say I had an average childhood. I was instilled with manners and given chores at an early age, though not necessarily in that order. There was little to set me apart from anyone else. When I was three years old, I was given a little sister. Through the years, we shared an unspoken bond that continued to develop over the years. To this day, I can’t really explain this bond but it continues today. I went on to graduate from high school, where I was very active with the music department, both chorus and band. I had the “itch” for theater; which I tried my hand at many times and loved it. I tried college for a while, but did not find it to my liking at the time. Little did I know, I would try my hand at college as an adult and gain my degree.
Shortly after my first attempt at college, I met the girl of my dreams. I can literally call her the girl of my dreams because I dreamt of her prior to meeting her. There was no doubt that she was the one and only for me, so I asked Christy to marry me, within six months of our first meeting. She agreed to marry me, and we have been happily in-love and married ever since the spring of 1987. I remember our wedding day as if it were yesterday, not only because it was the happiest day of my life, but also one of the funniest moments of my life (depending on who is telling the story). I will never be able to live down some of the things that happened that day.
Funny stories and good jokes have always made me smile. Many of my friends would agree that I am usually delivering jokes, sometimes at their expense. I would like to share a few of my favorite memories that contained humor, for me. I mentioned a few events on our wedding day that I would never live down. One of those events occurred just minutes before we would say, “I do.” The video was rolling, with sound and all. In one snippet of the video, my mother was telling my aunt that she “didn’t know how Don is going to eat because Christy doesn’t know how to cook”. My mom and Christy already had a strained relationship, at best. This was not a good thing to include on the wedding video that undoubtedly Christy would be viewing at some point. These types of comments were typical, and continued to “fan the flames” of an already strained relationship.
The other humorous thing that happened that glorious day was my fault, and mine alone. I cannot put the blame on anyone else, but myself. I planned a great honeymoon, complete with a limo ride from the church to the airport. I will mention here that the honeymoon was planned with borrowed money. I took a loan, from the bank, which was a huge deal for me because I did not like to owe people. This honeymoon trip was a big deal to me. I had never been on such a vacation, and I had never been in a limo before in my life. The limo ride lasted about an hour. I was so taken by the limo and the whole experience of riding in one. I found myself engaged in a conversation with the limo driver, through the glass partition, for practically the entire ride. Needless to say, my beautiful, new bride did not see the humor in my fascination of the limo ride. She sat patiently by my side; while I talked with the driver. Despite our less than stellar start as a married couple, we defied the odds of this lifetime by seeing each other through all kinds of obstacles. We share the most wonderful relationship of anyone I know. I give all the glory to God for our long-lasting marriage. He gave me such a gift of love and grace when he sent beautiful Christy to be my wife.
In the early years of our marriage, Christy was very ill, from time to time. She had a wonderful job and wonderful friends. Without a doubt, she was a great asset to her company as well as her family. She had a very promising career ahead of her and her expectations were very high for herself. In 1989, two years after we were married, we had our son Kyle. He was and is the most wonderful thing that could have happened to us. We love him so much!
Not long after he was born, Christy had another spell of sickness. She was hospitalized during a time when her regular doctor was unavailable. One of his colleagues did his rounds for him that day. The doctor came into Christy’s hospital room, and said to her, “So how is your MS today?” We both looked at each other, and simultaneously said, “What-MS?” Christy’s doctor never told her about the Multiple Sclerosis (MS), but his colleague was unaware of the fact that she did not know. I must say that I can think of more appropriate ways to find out that you have a disease. Nevertheless, we took this information and began trying to find a way to make things better for her. We knew little to nothing about MS. However, I knew from my dreams of Christy (before we ever met) that everything would be all right.
We had no idea what any of this diagnosis meant for us, especially for my young, beautiful bride and new mother. I say “we," but the fact is my wife, Christy, was determined and driven to not accept anything negative without a fight. She spent day and night looking for answers, calling and asking all the questions she could think to ask. This was during a time when the internet was not available to search in the way one might use it today. Finally, she was put on a lottery for a brand new medicine for MS, but this was no guarantee. It was a chance, and one she wanted to take. Like so many diseases at the time, there were no medicines for MS to treat the symptoms or the progression (the same way Alzheimer’s patients experience their disease today). She was fortunate to receive the medication, and it worked! We could not have been happier; but along with this happiness comes great strain on a brand new marriage. I remember how she was constantly sick to her stomach from the medications, never feeling up for doing anything. She did not have the energy to go places or hang out with friends. To her credit, she was still trying to work and raise a new baby. Being a brand new father, I admit I left a lot to be desired. Looking back now, I was not at home as much as I should have been in those days. Even though most of my time was spent working, in order to support the only two people I could call my own, I regret not being home more. Early in our marriage, we were very poor and I worked two jobs (sometimes more) in order to do whatever it took to make ends meet. I had numerous side jobs like cutting firewood, various odd jobs, and I sold my hunting rifles to give us extra income. I would have given anything for my Christy in those days, but I failed at showing her in the right ways sometimes. For that, I will always be sorry. These regrets of things in the past are things she already knows, and best of all she provided forgiveness a long time ago. This is just another reason I love her so much!
The times in our lives that initially seemed so bad were actually a proving ground for what was to come later in our lives, in my opinion. The early tough times taught us patience, not only with the process, but with each other. They also showed us what is really important. The tough times helped us grow, not only as individuals, but as parents. I would say it helped us spiritually, but I do not think it was a conscious, spiritual growth in the beginning. Nevertheless, it was growth and we would need to tap into it later. After almost 10 years of up and downs from sickness caused by the MS, Christy found herself in a wheelchair. I mentioned my dreams I had about my wife, before we ever met. These dreams occurred numerous times. It was the same dream that came