Michael wasn’t finished with his confession.
“Shame for neglecting you is not the only thing that brings me here, I’m saddened to say but I’m here out of my own need for you and my need to make amends. Baby, can you forgive me?”
His face, only inches from mine, was so sincere and sweet that it would take a monster not to forgive him. Having him near me was all I wanted and as that was then available to me, I was sated. The peace and balance were all that I needed and he was the only one who could bring them to me.
To answer his question, I went for round number eleven and brought my lips to his in an initially quiet kiss that eventually brought us ragged breathing and tortured moans and whimpers. How else could I show him that I would always forgive him and that my love was truly unconditional?
Michael joined my non-verbal acceptance of his apology and we allowed the wave to assault us a few more times before fear of death made us use our decompression move and hold on.
“I know I don’t deserve it but I can’t believe how good I feel right now in your arms.”
Michael was happy again, allowing for my own happiness plus feeling his body on top of me was pretty heady.
Curious about what he and Lu had been going through I asked, “This can’t be anything like what you and Lu have together, can it?”
I had secretly a few times dreamt of being in Lu’s position and being able to accept Michael into me but I didn’t do it often because the very idea brought on painful longing that I knew could not be assuaged.
“I’ve more to confess,” Michael said.
“We’re losing the connection between us but my connection with you is as strong as ever.”
“Do you need us to copy my connection to Lu again? I say copy because it’s obvious that I was unable to transfer it to her.”
Michael’s eyes teared up as he realized that I had spoken the truth about my love for him.
“You really do love me but your concern for me and my happiness is misplaced. Being near you has reminded me that I love you and need for you to be happy, too. Our lack of concern for you in the past has probably been the major reason we are in the imbalanced mess that we’re in. Again, I know it isn’t fair to come to you to fix our issues but I need you, we need you.”
“A couple of days ago we both realized that we were hurting you by doing the one thing that would hurt you, we left you out. We were so selfish that we didn’t see it until it affected us. The worse part is that it took some doing before we even figured it out. We were dumb founded as to how we could have neglected you so badly and that thinking of you should have been our first response to the need.”
“Lu is flying into SFO tomorrow night and she’ll join us for the weekend, is that ok with you?”
“Of course, I can’t wait to see her.” I wanted Michael to know that I’d be happy for her to be with us.
“We’ll fix the problem and get everyone back on track again. Baby, don’t worry.”
I saw his quiet introspection and his sadness that concerned me.
“I know I’ve said this before but, Helen how can you amaze me so much? How can you be that good person all of the time? Why don’t you rage at me for being the bastard that I am?”
“Oh stop,” I demanded.
“We are who we are and I accept that. And don’t forget that I still carry the connection with you and I love you, actually I love Lu as well. Maybe I don’t love Lu in the same way but I still need for her to be happy.”
It was obvious to me that Michael thought that I had been in pain all of the time we‘d been separated and I needed to take that guilt away from him.
“Michael, I developed a way to put the connect into a hibernating state while you were away from me. By doing so I was able to keep the pain at bay – the trade off was that I lost my drive and my love of life. So actually, I’ve been in a state of limbo and suspension but the reconnect grabbed me back through the phone as soon as I picked up the receiver. You are my connection to living and breathing with any kind of peace.”
Michael squeezed me into him.
I continued because I wanted to get all of the crap out of the way.
“Now can we lay all of this shit to rest about guilt and get on with being together and in the NOW?”
We’d been wrapped up in each others arms for a couple of hours and I didn’t ever want that to change but I heard his stomach growl for need of food. That was something that I could fix. I brought my lips to his ear and whispered. “How about a ‘Marvelous Coupling’ for lunch?”
“Sounds good,” he said. “In a minute.”
Then he claimed my lips with his and wrapped his body tighter around mine to prepare for the onslaught of the wave. I never felt closer to him than I did right then. The machinations of the wave were so delightful and took on yet another dimension as we loved each other and we saw shades of our time in Sandy’s pool together again in that orgasm, crazy at times and also tender and soft.
When I could speak I wanted him to know just how delighted I was that he was there with me.
“Wow, Michael that was so nice, it begs for me to cry for joy. I love you.”
Again he squeezed me to him and we clung to each other, breathing in each other’s scent and feeling content.
Bringing my lips to his ear again, I said, “Baby, let’s go make some lunch. I kind of want to see if I can walk, my body feels like rubber.”
“You don’t feel like rubber to me.”
Michael said as he gripped both of my butt cheeks one in each hand and squeezed while pulling me tighter to him.
I was barely able to get the words out of my mouth as the passion began to mount.
“I’m going to make you fuck me if you don’t stop igniting the reconnect and you know what that will do to my principles.”
Michael held me tight and we decompressed. When he could, he couldn’t help himself but he had to make fun of me.
“So you’re going to make me fuck you, are you?” He said as he laughed.
“You know it wouldn’t take much encouragement. I’m ready right now.”
“Yes, I can feel your readiness and I like it.” I said shamelessly.
“Now, would you relax a moment so that we can go see to lunch, ok?”
“I don’t think I can; I’m a bit too far gone,” Michael said.
“Oh, isn’t that nice,” I said and separated my legs to allow him greater access and a greater simulation of the real thing as he fit swimmingly cradled between my thighs. Then I brazenly moved my hips into him as I covered his mouth with my lips, slipping my tongue in to taste him in the same movement. His taste made me groan for the need of him and his reaction was every bit as intense and needy.
“Oh Christ,” he cried out as the wave hit us first with the heat and then the sparks started popping. The pressure on my skin brought me again to our day in Sandy’s pool just as another wave rose from our genitals to meet the opening pores and sparks as they joined the party going on inside. The explosions tiny but intense circulated in each of us and around us and through us and somehow reignited on their own enough times that to know the actual count was impossible. We’d have to talk about that episode; it left us each completely sated and relaxed, well after a pretty long decompression time.
When words were available to us we discussed the episode and I confessed to him.
“I’d